Right after Beyonce used the Super Bowl to let us peons know through code that the Illuminati will soon take over and our souls will be trapped in her lace front forever (that’s what that triangle sign was, right?), Team Beyonce (aka Basement Baby and a dusty DOS machine) released a ridiculous 60 second commercial for her world tour, which starts on April 15th (Happy American Tax Day!) in Belgrade and closes on August 3rd (Happy National Mustard Day!) at Barclays in Brooklyn.
In the commercial, Beyonce does the same morning ritual that Kanye West does every single day. Kanye’s gays-in-waiting dress him in the finest royal regalia and silver leaf his anus before escorting him to an empty room where he just strikes cunt queen pose after cunt queen pose.
Why did Beyonce have to name her tour the “Mrs. Carter Show”? That name does things to me. It gets me excited, because it has me thinking that Lynda Carter has finally made dreams come true by putting together a show where she just spins on stage in her Wonder Woman costume for 90 minutes. How many people do you think are going to show up to Beyonce’s show and demand their money back when Lynda Carter does not come on stage in her Wonder Woman costume? MILLIONS! And “The Mrs. Carter Show” also sounds like the name of a drag show starring Aaron Carter.
And here’s who should be Beyonce’s understudy on the Mrs. Carter Show World Tour:
Bitch lip-synchs better than Beyonce does.