It feels like Dr. Phil’s interview with Ronaiah Tuiasosopo, the mastermind behind the Lennay Kekua hoax, has been going on for weeeeeeeks. Every site I go to, I see Dr. Phil’s hard boiled egg with a pubestache face looking at me and this mess is everywhere. During the interview, Ronaiah said that he was in love with Manti Te’o’ and that he used to be gay, but he’s a recovering homosexual now. Is “recovering homosexual” short for “recovering from butt sex homosexual,” because who hasn’t been there? I guess if Man Titty O is “faaaaaaar” from gay, then I guess Ronaiah is like two freeway exists away from gay. He was just at gay, but now he’s driving away from it. Ronaiah also said some other things to Phake Ass Phil, but who cares about that. The only thing I care about is hearing Ronaiah’s lady voice and Dr. Phil was right there with me.
Dr. Phil kept asking Ronaiah to do his Lennay voice, but he got all kinds of shy and wouldn’t do it. He finally agreed to do it behind a screen with a producer watching to make sure the lady sounds were coming out of his mouth. So Ronaiah called a phone and did his best Lennay voice:
He kind of sounds like Michael Jackson with Laryngitis speaking through a pillow. I bet Dr. Phil wasn’t convinced. I bet after the show ended, Dr. Phil called Ronaiah up again and said, “Let me hear you do your Lennay voice one more time. Let me hear you say, ‘Oh, Dr. Phil, let me lick the skin dome covering that brilliant mind of yours.’ Yeah, say it like that. Say it again, slower. Wait, what sound? No, I didn’t just pull my zipper down.“