Lindsay Lohan Is Too Sick For Court

January 29, 2013 / Posted by:

Lindsay Lohan is supposed to drag her pregnant slug lips into a court room in Los Angeles tomorrow morning to face a judge, but surprise, surprise, she’s not going to. TMZ says that LiLo’s NYC lawyer Mark Heller gave a letter to the judge in California from her doctor on Park Avenue that says that she’s got the flu, or something, and can’t get on a flight, because she doesn’t want to infect the other passengers. Mark Heller also gave the judge an article from the New York Post about how the flu has become the biggest threat to NYC. Correction: LiLo is the biggest health threat to NYC, the flu is a distant ass second.

LiLo could go to jail for lying to the cops in that car crash case and the judge said in a hearing a couple of weeks ago that she must show her face in court. Mark Heller isn’t going to be in court for her and LiLo’s ex-lawyer Shawn Holley wants nothing to do with her anymore, so she won’t be in court either. The judge could either issue a warrant for her arrest for once again pulling a bullshit excuse out of her ass or the judge could play nice and reschedule the hearing.

TMZ is accusing LiLo of doing something she never does, LYING, because they have pictures of her shoplifting shopping in SoHo on Saturday, the same day the doctor diagnosed her with the flu. How dare they accuse an innocent and honest human person of lying! I’ll have them know that Lindsay Lohan has the walking flu (sort of like that walking pneumonia she had). She has to walk around stores in SoHo and steal things or it’ll get worse. Her doctor says so and everything.

And LiLo is really getting out of court with a doctor’s note? That’s some 8th grade shit. I’m surprised she didn’t use the excuse almost every girl in my 9th grade P.E. class used when they didn’t want to go in the pool: I’M ON MY PERIOD! Strangely enough, I used that excuse too when I didn’t want to go in the pool and it worked.

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107 responses to “Lindsay Lohan Is Too Sick For Court”

  1. annobanano says:

    @ SDR – “Boo, you whore”

  2. M.E. says:

    Definition of irony. Lying your ass off to not show up for a court day in which you are required to show for a case in which you are being tried, for lying to cops.

  3. SFRBully says:

    MILLIONS ARE OUTRAGED.

    I, for one, am going to do something about this.

    Someone smartly suggested that she and Chris Brown should date… I am gonna sprinkle adderalls from her garbage can to his house and make this happen, captain.

    DID YOU MOTHERFUCKING POOP IN MY FOOD? YOU BITCH! *THROWS TAMPON*
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6PPzUW2PIY

  4. REDMOND says:

    I’d like to think the judge would issue a warrant for her arrest imediately for this shenanagin, but’s it’s Shithan, so she’ll just get her court date postponed for another 3 months.

  5. parissucksliterally says:

    That was me, SFRBully.
    Seriously, people should slam the Sheriff with email. Fuck this cunt, and her skating every fucking time for shit any of us would have been rooting for years now in jail.

    ************************************************
    Don’t you never, ever, pull my lever
    Cause I explode
    And my nine is easy to load

  6. babybunny says:

    twop good things will come from this 1) she may die (one can always hope) ot 2) Sautner puts a warrant out…

    either way she is royally fucked, but definately not sick…the “Park Avenue doctor” translates to “50,000 paid to front that she is ‘sick’ and it worked”

  7. Whamo says:

    Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 01/29/2013 – 2:37pm.

    Definition of irony. Lying your ass off to not show up for a court day in which you are required to show for a case in which you are being tried, for lying to cops.
    ==============================================
    that truly made me LOL ME!!!

    too much, you bitches KILL me sometimes

    If Lindsey is booking a flight somewhere you know damn well there’s a court date right around the corner.

  8. skinny fat says:

    Can someone just shank this cunt already? I’m so sick of hearing about how the courts bow and scrape to accomodate this lying crack whore. JUST DIE ALREADY. PLEASE. ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT.

  9. skinny fat says:

    Submitted by babybunny on Tue, 01/29/2013 – 2:42pm.

    twop good things will come from this 1) she may die (one can always hope) ot 2) Sautner puts a warrant out…

    either way she is royally fucked, but definately not sick…the “Park Avenue doctor” translates to “50,000 paid to front that she is ‘sick’ and it worked”
    ***********

    Hohan royally fucked? I think not. Perhaps the doctor who said she’s too sick to fly but not sick enough to roam the streets of NYC smoking her brains out should be investigated.

  10. snowpiece says:

    don’t have two fucks to give about Lilo anymore….

    **************************
    “OBAMA PLEASE HELP ME I DON’T HAVE A JOB”
    “NO SORRY BUT HERE’S SOME WEED AND A VOUCHER TO GET MARRIED TO YOUR UNCLE” THANKS OBAMA

    Sucky 12/19

  11. Thamar says:

    Arrest her already….
    Call this guy

  12. MissAnnThrope says:

    The California legal system needs to just stop yanking everyone’s chain and wasting time and money. It doesn’t matter if Lindsay is a no show, doctor’s note, no doctor’s note, sick, not sick, because THEY AREN’T GOING TO DO ANYTHING TO HER. She knows it! That’s why she’s not showing up. Why should she pay Shawn Holley big bucks to defend her? Defend her from WHAT exactly? Celebrities don’t do jail time. They walk in, get processed and are let out in a an hour or two.

  13. parkerj says:

    LOLOL. She got a doctor’s note saying she’s got the “flu”?!

    —————–
    “Bye, Whore” -MK

  14. miz cynical says:

    I know that I keep saying this, but why the fuck is the bitch never where she’s supposed to be? If she’s supposed to be in court on the West Coast, then she’s on the East Coast or Europe. But in a week, she’ll be back in Cali where she should’ve been a week prior! How fucking hard is it to stay in one place and show the fuck up when you’re supposed to? Gah! I guess I’m overlooking the main motivation for her – DGAF. If I didn’t give a fuck and knew that I was going to get away with it, I’d probably be all over the place, too.

  15. vsminimoose says:

    Can anyone tell me why these judges play nice with her? Are they getting paid off? I would assume most of these old ass fogie judges would be sick of it and give her the max punishment but they never do.

    Seriously though, why???

  16. M.E. says:

    Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 01/29/2013 – 2:42pm.
    Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 01/29/2013 – 2:37pm.

    Definition of irony. Lying your ass off to not show up for a court day in which you are required to show for a case in which you are being tried, for lying to cops.
    ==============================================
    that truly made me LOL ME!!!

    too much, you bitches KILL me sometimes

    If Lindsey is booking a flight somewhere you know damn well there’s a court date right around the corner
    ***********************************************

    You seriously cannot make this shit up.

    The delusion is so fucking thick with this one that she doesn’t think anyone can see through her crackshanigans. Shayasslaywer? CHECK. Dumbmotherfukcingexcuse to miss court (as predicted?) CHECK. Half ass legal document to “excuse” her absence (doctors note)? CHECK.

    I’d like to see the judge 1. Issue a bench warrant. 2. Make Blohan have to go to a dr. of the judges choice within 12 hours to submit to a flu test. 3. Have her ass thrown in jail should she be shown to not actually have the flu.

  17. ImpertinentVixen says:

    Diediedieidiediediediediediediediediedie.

  18. Dj Tenn. says:

    THAT DOUBLE CHIN and sugeried face …I…no words …

    Its not plastic surgery , its a medical condition!!

  19. saltydog says:

    I hope they charge her for lying to the court about this on top of lying to the cops about the crash.

    What LA needs to do is put money in a sentence to service program. If somebody is sentence to 100 days and only serves 1 then they should have to do 99 days of community service. The city is huge and filthy and there is no reason there aren’t 10 bitches in orange jump suits pickup up trash on every street.

  20. FluffKitteh says:

    Why does she continue to get special treatment? It’s infuriating.

    ********************
    “Brows should not look like a condiment!” -MK

  21. mjd773 says:

    this piece of trash needs to take a que from amy winehouse

  22. Gardening Girl says:

    THis is bullshit. DOnt the judges know this makes people angry? If it was ANYBODY else they’d be in fucking jail being some nasty prison dykes bitch!

    “Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice.” Deb 7/2012

  23. RandéSleepover says:

    I bet the judge makes her provide something under oath–not just a doc’s note.

    What’s partly driving this must be Heller’s provisional admittance to practice here: he needs more time to find a chump dumb enough to sponsor him. Even then, the judge doesn’t have to admit him.

  24. Lisbet459 says:

    One of my brothers allegedly tried to claim he had PMS to get out of games. Astonishingly, it didn’t work.

  25. citizenstrange says:

    I’m too sickly for the court
    Too sickly for the court
    So sickly it hurts
    I’m a trainwreck if you know what I mean
    And I tell my little lies to the dumb judge
    Yeah to the dumb judge yeah to the dumb judge
    I tell my little lies to the dumb judge

  26. suckandfuck says:

    honey, she is actually sick OF court!

    ————————————————-
    Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 – 5:47pm.
    suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.

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