Lindsay Lohan Is Too Sick For Court

January 29, 2013 / Posted by:

Lindsay Lohan is supposed to drag her pregnant slug lips into a court room in Los Angeles tomorrow morning to face a judge, but surprise, surprise, she’s not going to. TMZ says that LiLo’s NYC lawyer Mark Heller gave a letter to the judge in California from her doctor on Park Avenue that says that she’s got the flu, or something, and can’t get on a flight, because she doesn’t want to infect the other passengers. Mark Heller also gave the judge an article from the New York Post about how the flu has become the biggest threat to NYC. Correction: LiLo is the biggest health threat to NYC, the flu is a distant ass second.

LiLo could go to jail for lying to the cops in that car crash case and the judge said in a hearing a couple of weeks ago that she must show her face in court. Mark Heller isn’t going to be in court for her and LiLo’s ex-lawyer Shawn Holley wants nothing to do with her anymore, so she won’t be in court either. The judge could either issue a warrant for her arrest for once again pulling a bullshit excuse out of her ass or the judge could play nice and reschedule the hearing.

TMZ is accusing LiLo of doing something she never does, LYING, because they have pictures of her shoplifting shopping in SoHo on Saturday, the same day the doctor diagnosed her with the flu. How dare they accuse an innocent and honest human person of lying! I’ll have them know that Lindsay Lohan has the walking flu (sort of like that walking pneumonia she had). She has to walk around stores in SoHo and steal things or it’ll get worse. Her doctor says so and everything.

And LiLo is really getting out of court with a doctor’s note? That’s some 8th grade shit. I’m surprised she didn’t use the excuse almost every girl in my 9th grade P.E. class used when they didn’t want to go in the pool: I’M ON MY PERIOD! Strangely enough, I used that excuse too when I didn’t want to go in the pool and it worked.

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