Jason London Spent His Sunday Morning Shitting In The Back Of A Cop Car
Because Jeremy and Jason London are in a competition to see who can be the messiest London twin, Jason London from Dazed & Confused (dazed & confused is right) got into a bar fight, got arrested and then took a revenge shit in the back of a cop car. So while Jeremy London gets at least 10 fuckery points for making up a story about how his kidnappers forced him to smoke crack, Jason London gets all the fuckery points for filling a police officer's nostrils with the scent of his whiskey-infused caca.
TMZ says that Jason's road to Shit Town started just before 2 in the morning on Sunday at the Martini Ranch Bar in Scottsdale, Arizona. Right after a drunken Jason sneezed near a bouncer's face, the bouncer asked him to apologize. Jason didn't let out a stream of sowwies, but he did respond by punching the bouncer in the face. Well, when you punch a bouncer in the face, you're going to get fucked all the up, which is what happened to Jason. Jason was dragged out of the club kicking and screaming, and he got his ass kicked in the process.
Both the paramedics and the cops showed up and found Jason holding his swollen and bloody eye. The paramedics were going to take Jason to the hospital, but he got all crazy and started fighting with everyone. Jason got so crazy that one cop had to control his ass by kneeing him in the thigh. Right after Jason called one of the cops "a fucking hillbilly," he was cuffed and arrested for being a first rate wreck.
On the ride to the police station, Jason filled the ears of the officers with such beautiful lines like, "Guess what faggot? I fucking love this. I fucking own you guys so hard. I'm rich and I'm a motherfucking famous actor! Fucking look me up, bitch." The cops should've listened to him and looked him up. Because when you look up the name "Jason London," Google redirects you to a warning screen that reads: WARNING - JASON LONDON IS A FILTHY ASS PIG AND HE WILL GET REVENGE ON YOU BY TAKING A CACA IN YOUR CAR. AND LITTLE TREES CAN'T COVER THAT STENCH.
And that's exactly what Jason London did next. Jason told the cop that the car smelled like "shit" and that his breath smelled like diarrhea. Jason then leaned to the left, took a dump in his panties and said, "I told you I'm happy as shit."
Where the hell was a Cops camera crew when we really needed them?! That shit show, literally, needed to be captured on video. Bitch can poop on command and then follow it up with a golden one liner. Scat comedy at its finest.
The cops spoke with Jason's wife Sofia the next day and it didn't really faze her. She shrugged and said that he acts like a real asshole when he drinks. Jason went on Twitter and tried to blame TMZ and the cops for smearing his good name, but it's kind of hard to accuse a ho of smearing your good name when your panties are smeared with drunk poop:
Guys, the TMZ report is a total fucking lie. I got jumped by three 250 pound bouncers. They knocked me out and beat me for several minutes.
I would never say or do the crap they are reporting. Have faith in me. The truth will come out and you will see.
Some guy thought I was hitting on his girl and had me jumped. My wife was in the next room, had no idea what even happened. I hate Arizona
"Do the crap..." I see what you did there, Jason. And remind me to never get arrested in Scottsdale, Arizona, because if I do, there's a good chance I could find myself sitting on one of Jason London's dried poop drops.