Jason London Spent His Sunday Morning Shitting In The Back Of A Cop Car
Because Jeremy and Jason London are in a competition to see who can be the messiest London twin, Jason London from Dazed & Confused (dazed & confused is right) got into a bar fight, got arrested and then took a revenge shit in the back of a cop car. So while Jeremy London gets at least 10 fuckery points for making up a story about how his kidnappers forced him to smoke crack, Jason London gets all the fuckery points for filling a police officer's nostrils with the scent of his whiskey-infused caca.
TMZ says that Jason's road to Shit Town started just before 2 in the morning on Sunday at the Martini Ranch Bar in Scottsdale, Arizona. Right after a drunken Jason sneezed near a bouncer's face, the bouncer asked him to apologize. Jason didn't let out a stream of sowwies, but he did respond by punching the bouncer in the face. Well, when you punch a bouncer in the face, you're going to get fucked all the up, which is what happened to Jason. Jason was dragged out of the club kicking and screaming, and he got his ass kicked in the process.
Both the paramedics and the cops showed up and found Jason holding his swollen and bloody eye. The paramedics were going to take Jason to the hospital, but he got all crazy and started fighting with everyone. Jason got so crazy that one cop had to control his ass by kneeing him in the thigh. Right after Jason called one of the cops "a fucking hillbilly," he was cuffed and arrested for being a first rate wreck.
On the ride to the police station, Jason filled the ears of the officers with such beautiful lines like, "Guess what faggot? I fucking love this. I fucking own you guys so hard. I'm rich and I'm a motherfucking famous actor! Fucking look me up, bitch." The cops should've listened to him and looked him up. Because when you look up the name "Jason London," Google redirects you to a warning screen that reads: WARNING - JASON LONDON IS A FILTHY ASS PIG AND HE WILL GET REVENGE ON YOU BY TAKING A CACA IN YOUR CAR. AND LITTLE TREES CAN'T COVER THAT STENCH.
And that's exactly what Jason London did next. Jason told the cop that the car smelled like "shit" and that his breath smelled like diarrhea. Jason then leaned to the left, took a dump in his panties and said, "I told you I'm happy as shit."
Where the hell was a Cops camera crew when we really needed them?! That shit show, literally, needed to be captured on video. Bitch can poop on command and then follow it up with a golden one liner. Scat comedy at its finest.
The cops spoke with Jason's wife Sofia the next day and it didn't really faze her. She shrugged and said that he acts like a real asshole when he drinks. Jason went on Twitter and tried to blame TMZ and the cops for smearing his good name, but it's kind of hard to accuse a ho of smearing your good name when your panties are smeared with drunk poop:
Guys, the TMZ report is a total fucking lie. I got jumped by three 250 pound bouncers. They knocked me out and beat me for several minutes.
I would never say or do the crap they are reporting. Have faith in me. The truth will come out and you will see.
Some guy thought I was hitting on his girl and had me jumped. My wife was in the next room, had no idea what even happened. I hate Arizona
"Do the crap..." I see what you did there, Jason. And remind me to never get arrested in Scottsdale, Arizona, because if I do, there's a good chance I could find myself sitting on one of Jason London's dried poop drops.
• 
Two words for those with a phobia about public pooping:
courtesy flush.
You're welcome.
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Vanity is the price of fame.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/30/2013 - 10:45am.
"as when I found out that fat fuck Santa was really my dad's ass in mom's red velvet pantsuit from the 70's"
pardon-ez moi? please do not gloss over such a critical part of your memoirs. thank you in advance for your cooperation.
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by Flynn on Wed, 01/30/2013 - 1:07pm.
every morning before he goes to work he poops and doesn't flush. Every freaking morning. He says he doesn't want to wake up the boys so early, I think it is some weird male thing to brag about their piles.
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No. No, it is not. I don't care if you wake up the fucking Pope, flush.
My gf has the same fear you have when I'm at her place... she can't go while I'm there because she literally stinks up the whole house... it boggles my mind such a petite little thing shits like a 1,000lb bear after a salmon feast. Anyway, my point is, she bought some stuff called "Deja-poo". You spray it in the toilet before going and it eliminates the odor once you've gone... I lol'd like she was an idiot but it really did work. It's an amazing product more people should know about.
http://poopourri.com/NEW-Deja-Poo/products/41/
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" Can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream... when I do you from behind..." ~ Kenny Powers
Flyn, dont be embarrassed. That room was built for the purpose of doing something we do not want done on our front lawns ok. On the rare occassion that I have to go in public, I let my guts do their thing and if someone has the bad manners to look at me funny for fouling the air then I eyeball them and pimp walk out of their!
Although, yesterday I did one of those wicked bowl spashing messes that were very loud...so loud my son who was down the hall in his room heard me. I was down the other end in my en suite can. When I came out my son said, "EWWWWWWWW!".
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
This is why I love the internet. I didn't tell a soul about my unfortunate incident, but it was soul cleansing to get it out there. I have troubles going when my guy is home, I have to run the water and have the fan going, and I shit you not (you see what I did there) every morning before he goes to work he poops and doesn't flush. Every freaking morning. He says he doesn't want to wake up the boys so early, I think it is some weird male thing to brag about their piles.
on t: I don't know why soiling yourself makes the cops day shittier. Couldn't they just hose you down, or let you stew in your own poo?
Flynn -
I also have a problem pooping in public restrooms, but you gotta do what you gotta do. I find it helps to flush as the poop is coming out, it drowns out the noise and helps with the smell, especially if there's diarrhea involved.
I had a similar experience. I was on a family (parents/sisters/nephew) vaca about 10 years ago and we had grabbed lunch at a Dairy Queen drive through. I had never eaten actual food there. So we go through and I got a hot dog and some fries (real healthy, I know). Well our first stop was at a cute little antique shop with a ton of other people there. We had just gotten there when I felt the familiar bubbling that indicates impending doom for whatever unlucky bathroom I have to occupy next. So, knowing I have very little time, I run up to the 1 bathroom they have in the whole place, and there's a line, which my mother happens to be second in line. So I cut her in line (along with everyone else) and then run in the bathroom where I proceed to unleash hell. Luckily it was a fancy bathroom with candles and matches to light them, so I was at least able to cover up some of the stench for my poor mother, who was next.
LOL Mike.
We DON'T poop, you are totally making that UP.
But if we did, which we of course do NOT, it would smell like new mown grass or lavender. But we don't.
this guy and his brother are pretty pathetic
they're no where near big shot movie stars
not rich, maybe well off
and this one appears to be a middle aged barfly
And in nature prey animals will shit themselves to foul themselves in the attempt to keep from being killed and eaten
this guy does it to prove he's a moron
WTF happened to this guy? He was smokin' in Dazed and Confused.
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Wed, 01/30/2013 - 10:31am.
LOLLLL!!! I can't remember if I've told this or not so skip it if I have BUT my freakin mother told me when I was little that "mommies don't poop... you see, we are ladies and ladies do not do disgusting things like poop, toot or belch" and I remember thinking wow, that's fucked up... then when I got older I was coming down our hallway (kinda a "L" shaped hall) and as I came around the corner a stench of unfuckingprecedented epic proportions gently fluttered in to my nostrils, wrapped it's grip around my senses, and proceeded to rip my mind out with it's paranormal like power... I remember saying aloud "holy shit!" right as the bathroom door opens (*insert sounds of air freshener being sprayed and dumped like fuckin napalm*) out pops this tiny little woman with a big smile whom I normally refer to as "mom"... this day I referred to her as "YOU NEED TO SEE A FUCKING DOCTOR LADY!".... I said you told me moms didn't poop!!! no wonder it stinks so bad, you've been full of shit for YEARS!!! she laughed and said you've always been gullible like your father and walked off. That was as bad as when I found out that fat fuck Santa was really my dad's ass in mom's red velvet pantsuit from the 70's... man they did some damage.
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" Can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream... when I do you from behind..." ~ Kenny Powers
Looks like run over by a car in the face Seth Macfarlane with his glasses!
The London brothers need to be featured in that Evil Twin show on Discovery ID!
They are two dumb ass messes.. Notice I never said "hot messes"
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
Ladies do not poop, what the hell are all of you talking about? That is a thing for men and bears in the woods.
I have a buddy who's a wonderful husband, father of four and my best friend for the past 30 years that I love like a brother but if he drinks to much (to the point of passing out) he shits himself.... fuckin idiot.
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" Can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream... when I do you from behind..." ~ Kenny Powers
Everyone's poop stories are cracking me up and I cannot stop laughing at this mugshot!
Friends don't let friends be huge assholes. This shit is not cute.
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"Bye, Whore" -MK
Ok I'll share my shit story: one time I was driving and I thought I sharted only to find out I took a big huge shit in my panties! I told my closest friends but I don't think they really got I shat in my pants. I can't explain it and haven't done it or even really been worried about it since then. It was just a weird one time freak experience. It makes me laugh now. Probably because it wasn't wet and didn't get in my car or leave my panties lol. It was as if I was wearing a pair of diapers wth or why it happened ill never know
Kissing Ass and Cupping Balls. You're Welcome.
Okay, poop stories:
At my last job, I got those abdominal cramps. *Those* ones. I quickly bow to the inevitable and just about get into a stall where the floodgates open. (Normally, I don't poop in public places, or even when someone's in the house/flat/office, but when the alternative's that bad...)
In walks someone. She asks if I'm alright. When I say I'm fine, she seems to perk up and talk about the work we're doing together. I'm sitting there loudly shitting my guts out, and she's talking about work and asking me where I left the keys, etc. I can only think it was a power play.
OK I have a poop story I've told here before. At my old job, there were quite a few crazies. We had a disgruntled male (who was never identified) who wrote an angry message in poop on the men's room wall. We also had several female pigs (and we knew who they were) who never washed below the waist, never washed their hands after using the bathroom, and would smear poop on the inside of the stalls. And we know it had to be an employee, because you needed an ID card to get into the complex and another card to scan into our building.
WTF - this is what I wake up to, lol?
Looks like 40-year-old Harry Potter had too much butter beer.
Hahahahaa , these stories are too much!!! Hahahahaa . I had one close call whe I ate a salad at work from the food court and it fucked my stomach up. I made it through my last hour of work , got on the highway to go home and had the worst cramps ever . Thank god I made it to the next gaastation, but if it would have been one minute later, my ass would have even marinating in goo all the way home. And Flynn whenever I am in a public restroom and someone farts or has one of those unfortunate noisy poops , I politely say "bless you" from the other stall. All my coworkers got Heavy doody poo-pourri spray from me for Christmas , cause our bathroom At work is just foul.
Some people should never EVER try to become famous.
LOL at all the poop stories.
This guy is a mess and I do not believe that he is innocent. Even knowing what Arizona cops must be like. In Arpaio territory. Besides, if he were so rich and powerful, he'd have the cops in his pocket.
You have to be a special kind of asshole to sneeze in someone's face and not apologize. He deserves a beatdown just for that.
Whoop the crapper
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Do you want a banana?
No i don't wanna
Dear lord, there are messes, and then there are messes.
Since we're on that topic...the people of the UK (at least in England where I live) love their dogs. Most are responsible owners. But there are way too many that won't pick up after them. On my street alone, and I'm talking the length of about 20 houses, there are about 3 piles at any given time, from different dogs. Turn the corner and you get the same, and so on. At my daughter's primary school, both that she's attended, there'd be crap right outside the gate and all along where kids would be walking to school.
Anyway, yesterday I'm walking my daughter home from school and there are two huge smears that we nearly stepped in. Now let me ask - do dogs ever eat corn??? Because there was corn. I fear the worst. And I should, because the path outside the metro station in the area is often used as a toilet and I've seen two dumps that were not put there by dogs. I can't believe that it's likely that someone took a dump right on my street.
" Jason then leaned to the left, took a dump in his panties and said, "I told you I'm happy as shit.""
bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
Oh shit. That looks like me! Well, if you take away the white skin and all the blotches on his face. (Note: By the grace of Goddess I've never had to do a mug-shot, though one time I did poop my pants after eating too much at a public television pledge drive in San Francisco. But that was over a decade ago.)
Submitted by Flynn on Wed, 01/30/2013 - 1:12am.
Proust had his madeleine; you have your Walmart stall.
Whoa, he looks like me after I fell flat on my face during one of my morning runs. I wonder what the other guy looks like.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Submitted by MeowMeow on Wed, 01/30/2013 - 12:18am.
This time, though, he had taken a growler in the miniature Japanese rock garden that was in the restroom. So there was the little rock, candle and rake...with a giant turd in the middle.
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Holy shit you guys are KILLING me. Another classic. "He took a grolwer in the miniature Japanese rock garden" a growler!! LOLOLOL!!!!
Hey Flynn:
On some level, I hope that confession was therapeutic for you and you can go forth and shit in public without reservation again but God help the rest of us!
Don't let the naysayers get you down Flynn, let your poop flag fly high and proud! I worked with a girl who told me that her dr warned her that if you hold in either urine or poop too long, you eventually lose your ability to clench and it pours out of you whether you want it to or not. Yeesh! Just buy one of those mini, travel-size Lysol sprays (or even one of those rip-off "designer" perfume sprays) and keep it in your purse in case of emergency.
That mugshot beats all of Blowhan's. Best mugshot ever.
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Don't you never, ever, pull my lever
Cause I explode
And my nine is easy to load
When I was in grade 6 I was taking care of business after school was done, some girls walked in and went "ewwww" and waited outside until I was done and made fun of me and told everyone the next day. I was mortified and embarrassed and it caused me to have poop phobia. I can't go in public washrooms, even on 27 hour bus trips I couldn't go until I got to my destination. THat is until last week, I had
lunch and went to Walmart with my boys and my dad to do some shopping. Well that lunch did a number on me and I had my two year old in the cart with me and I saw my dad with my other kid so I handed him the cart and went ass clenching, hopping to the bathroom. Thank you Cheebus it was empty I went into the stall and that's when someone came in. Now for years and years this would stop the process and my body would refuse to excavate the bowels but not on this day. While she politely peed my bunghole opened up and spewed forth a most foul, rim splashing tsunami of watery shit. The woman went "oh my" and got the hell out of there. For ten minutes my insides cascaded out of my body. A few people entered and left as quickly as possible. I think its going to be another 20 odd years before I can shit in public again.
I can't take a number 2 outside my house. I can't do it in public restrooms AT ALL. I can do it in a hotel or motel bathroom where I'm staying, but that's it. Definitely can't do it at someone's house.
Had a big crush on him about 15 years ago. This is just sad.
" I fucking love this. I fucking own you guys so hard. I'm rich and I'm a motherfucking famous actor! Fucking look me up, bitch."
Lohan is SO pissed that she wasn't the first one to say this
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
"Submitted by Stoney on Tue, 01/29/2013 - 11:02pm.
She said there was some spurt and that's part of the reason she couldn't take it with her."
This comment was made all the funnier, Stoney, because of your avatar!!!!
Submitted by Stoney on Tue, 01/29/2013 - 11:51pm.
Look, it wasn't ME who pooped in the sock. All she said was that the poop was coming and there was no stopping it. *shrugs*
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LOL - I've only ever had one close call like that, and thank God I made it to the bathroom JUST in time. I had eaten a sub sandwich that had been drenched in oil and the reaction came with at most, a 10 second warning (I've never sprinted so fast in my life). I can understand the horror of the instantaneous dump - it's accidental and unplanned. Deliberate drunk dumping in a cop car is a whole different animal. I hope the cops beat whatever shit was left in his colon onto the jailhouse floor. Sucio fuck.
Look, I'm sorry to go here, but if you're 40 and married, what the hell is the point of being in a random Arizona bar at 2 a.m.? I'm not 40 yet, but even at my age I can't think of a bigger waste of time. If you're already married, you aren't going out to meet people, and you have booze at home. WTF?
My ex worked at a Peet's Coffee & Tea in Boston. He used to tell me about the Phantom Shitter, a dude who would always shit outside of the toilet in the men's restroom. Each employee had to take their turn cleaning the restrooms, and the day it was my ex's turn, the Phantom Shitter had indeed struck again. This time, though, he had taken a growler in the miniature Japanese rock garden that was in the restroom. So there was the little rock, candle and rake...with a giant turd in the middle. Which makes sense, really. Because why wouldn't he foul up a rock garden.
What's horrible is that my ex was under orders to simply clean out the rock garden and replace it, instead of tossing the whole goddamned thing out, which is what I would have done.
Disgusting animal!
Good night er'body. Thanks for the nightmares I will have.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
OK, hopefully, my old bosses don't read this...
We once had a little "retreat" for my office (yeah, right--in a conference room) and we were supposed to bond, or something. We all went around and told something secret. (You can bet i thought of the most boring secret ever. Are you kidding me???) Two out of about 12 people told public pooping stories! To this day, I am haunted! I was completely in shock. One couldn't hold it when she was on a train in Chicago, the other one pooped her pants on the golf course.
They thought it was hilarious (Whamo), but I was horrified. As I say, the images still come to my mind at the weirdest times, and i so wish i could unhear their stories. IF i did that, I would never tell!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Amnesty International
Shine a Light
Look, it wasn't ME who pooped in the sock. All she said was that the poop was coming and there was no stopping it. *shrugs*
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
I hope Blowhan's next mug shot is as unfortunate as this.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
He looks.....METH-Y!!!
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"....the Ghost of Priscilla Presley's Past" ~ MK
Your stories of random inappropriate pooping is horrifying. Why cant you clench your ass cheeks and head to the nearest food court. FUck ask where there is a nearby toilet! You shouldn't be crapping in your sock or pissing in a dresser drawer! Animals! Even Al Roker made it to the can!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by Stoney on Tue, 01/29/2013 - 10:59pm.
It's even better if you know that she is five feet tall and wears sparkly stuff all the time.
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Wears sparkly stuff!! Omg Stoney you do not know how hard I'm laughing right now! Good Lord!!
cleve.steamer,LOL>
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You might find The Hoff in a bar
or in Germany with a guitar.
He might do a dance
in shiny black pants,
but at least he can talk to his car.