Bam Margera Is A True Poet Who’s Into Solo Golden Showers

January 29, 2013 / Posted by:

The humanized scab skin torn off of a skater boy’s knee named Bam Margera is now getting into the rap game and has a new song out called “Bend My Dick To My Ass” and it’s only a matter of time before the RIAA certifies it triple gold condom wrapper. Shooting liquefied human waste into his mouth made Bam a TV and movie star, so he’s hoping it’ll make him dubstep star too.

In the video for the tuck fuck anthem of our time, Bam and a fellow down river skank dry hump in the back of a car and flash their parts all around Iceland. The true bright spot of the video is at the 2:44 mark when Bam takes a sip of the piss geyser shooting out of his peen hole. (The prolific piss drinker from My Strange Addiction is totally in love.) If you think about it, whatever shoots out of his dick is probably not as disgusting or diseased as the shit that’s in his mouth, so if anything, he’s cleaning out his filthy trash hole.

And the lyrics to this beautiful song have confirmed that Bam is the most influential poet of our time.

In a coffee shop in heaven somewhere, Robert Frost is writing a 5,000 word poem about how he’s disappointed at himself for not coming up with the poetic line “Bend My Dick To My Ass So That I Can Fuck Myself.” That’s exactly the line that The Road Not Taken needed to make it a real masterpiece. And will somebody please give me Bam Margera’s phone number, because I need to beg him to let me use the line “Titty Fuck My Ass Cheeks” as the title of my memoirs. That line is my entire life summed up in five words.

In other Bam news, he was kicked out of a hotel in Brisbane after he ruined the paintings in his room by drunkenly painting over them with a bunch of his piece of trash friends. If the hotel owners saw Bam’s music video, they’d understand his art and wouldn’t have kicked him out. You can’t keep an artist from making art just like you can’t keep a Bam Margera from bending his dick to his ass.

(Thanks, Joanne) 

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