Pimp Mama Kris Got Her Own Talk Show

January 28, 2013 / Posted by:

It looks like Pimp Mama Kris has renegotiated her kontract with her kreator Lucifer and will terrorize us for another year. Because Deadline says that after long negotiations (read: Illuminati rituals and sacrifices involving whatever is left of Bruce Jenner’s soul), Fox announced today that Pimp Mama Kris’ new talk show called Kris (or as most of us will call it when it comes across our screens while we’re channel surfing, “HISS! HISS!“) will start testing in certain markets, like NYC and L.A., this summer. This makes me miss the days of quality daytime television like The Richard Bey Show.

Fox’s EVP of Development & Programming says that PMK’s Fun Time Hour of Whoring will feature interviews with celebrities and segments on beauty and fashion. He went on to say this:

“Listen, I had to give Pimp Mama Kris her own show or she was going to feed my children to Khloe.”

No, he said this instead:

“Whether offering real advice to her family or sharing personal moments with viewers, Kris is honest, compelling, entertaining, and unscripted – all excellent qualities for a daytime talk show host.

Wouldn’t be summer without at least one test, would it? In all seriousness, we go into this believing that if it works, the Kris Jenner program could really compliment what we’ve got going with Wendy, Bethenny, etc.”

“Kris is honest…. and unscripted?” Okay, yeah she totally threatened to feed his children to Khloe, because there’s no way he’d be able to say that without choking on a stream of laughs coming up his throat.

So my guess is that PMK’s talk show will open with her teaching viewers how to shoot and sell a porn starring your own daughter, then she’ll interview Kanye West’s asshole waxer and she’ll close the show by modeling thongs next to Kendall and Kylie. SANTO DIOS! What have we done to deserve this?

And I know that PMK is a minion of Satan, but the mother and tattoo artist who held down and tattooed a baby are even more evil than her. As far as I know, I don’t think PMK ever forcibly tattooed her kids (cut to Kendall showing off the letter K that PMK branded into her inner thigh).

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