Hot Slut Of The Day!

The Lifetime Achievement Award that Dick Van Dyke got at the SAG Awards last night.

The SAG Awards are kind of like the third wheel in the awards show threesome. The Oscars and the Golden Globes get all the attention, so while they’re going at it on the bed, the SAG Awards sits naked on a chair in the corner and watches them while sipping on watered down whiskey and stale pretzel sticks. But the SAGs one upped both the Oscars and Golden Globes this year by giving Dick Van Dyke a lifetime achievement award. Dick Van Dyke should get a lifetime achievement award every year for having two of life’s greatest things in his name. (I would say that Dick Van Dyke has three of life’s greatest things in his name, but even though you can sometimes buy ice cream in a van, many vans are really creepy and I wouldn’t recommend walking next to a parked one late at night. Cross the street!)

Anyway, if you were stoned or had your mind set to “11-year-old” (or both, in my case) while watching the SAG Awards last night, then you might’ve been charmed by Dick Van Dyke’s lifetime achievement award trophy. That trophy looks like a really excited watermelon! Or like half of a Mike and Ike.

Yes, it’s the little things in life.

And I wonder if Dick Van Dyke took that trophy home and then tried to stick his peen in its crescent moon mouth? Yes, these are things I think about late at night.