During Jennifer Lawrence’s acceptance speech for Best Actress at the SAG Awards last night, she thanked MTV for giving her the job that got her a SAG card when she was 14. Entertainment Weekly posted Jennifer Lawrence’s commercials for My Super Sweet 16 and it made me remember the good old days when MTV used to show important documentaries about teenage pieces of diamond-encrusted spoiled trash who threatened to shank their dad in the neck if he didn’t buy them a Hummer or get some local rapper to perform at their 16th birthday party. I sometimes wonder what happened to those spoiled ass brats. MTV should do another follow-up, because I really need to know if the parents eventually went broke from spoiling their asshole child and had to move into the Hummer.
And only press play on that video if you’re okay with that “Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday” song getting stuck deep inside a crevice in your brain. Once it gets in, it will never leave you.
Right before Jennifer Lawrence gave a shout out to My Super Sweet 16, she made her way to the stage and wrestled with her dress as the bottom part got mad at the top part and tried to quit that ho:
The Daily Mail says that Jennifer’s dress ripped, but it didn’t rip. The bottom part detached from the top part. The Dior people designed it that way. Because of Jennifer’s detachable dress, she gets best dressed of the night from me. I mean, wearing a detachable dress allows you to do ALL of the following:
1. Easily squat over a toilet in the bathroom. With a detachable dress, you no longer have to suffer through the hassle of pulling your dress up to piss. Just detach, squat and go.
2. Easily have a quickie in the car while driving to the event. With a detachable dress, you no longer have to suffer through the hassle of pulling up your dress to bone. Just detach, open your legs and get it.
3. Easily bust out a dramatic quick change moment while sashaying to the dance floor. Give the party goers some theater by dramatically ripping off the bottom of your dress as you walk to the dance floor. I once went to a wedding where during the first dance, the groom detached the bottom part of his bride’s ball gown to reveal the sequined miniskirt she had on underneath. It was the moment of the wedding and you know I gave it three snaps and a standing ovation.
The detachable dress is a two-in-one work of elegance and it is always the look.