Hot Slut Of The Day!

January 27, 2013 / Posted by:

The plastic recorder, the instrument that pretty much everybody played in school (well, in my school anyway)!

When I was in the third or fourth grade, I wanted to get out of class, so I signed up for an advanced music class that was held in a bus parked outside of the school. The “advanced” in advanced music class really didn’t mean anything. Anybody could take the class as long as you brought your own instrument. My sister played the clarinet, so I just stole hers and brought it to the advanced music class bus. The advanced music class teacher looked like Bob Ross’ asshole older brother complete with a greasy fro and the only thing greasier than his fro were his juicy pits. Dude was one of those types who always had Florida pits (humid all the time) even when it was cold. My clarinet-playing skills were bleak, but you try blowing a clarinet while staring at a pair of drooling armpits. It’s not easy.

During the third week of advanced music class, we were all playing a song together when the teacher stopped everyone and walked up to me in the back row. Dude said to me, “Why are you even here? You’re throwing everyone off! I bet you can’t even blow your nose. You should try playing the plastic recorder instead.” Mr. Slobber Pits killed my clarinet-playing dreams, so I quit advanced music class and joined beginner music class with the other musically challenged.

The plastic recorder was way better than the clarinet, because it was easier to carry and I didn’t have to deal with stupid reeds. I loved the plastic recorder! I really thought I was going to be the breakout star of beginners music class, because I didn’t think it was possible to suck at playing the plastic recorder. I was wrong. During the second class, the teacher whispered to me, “Do you think you can play a bit softer?” THAT BITCH! I wish Beyonce was my private plastic recorder tutor. She would’ve helped me out by telling me to blow to a backing track.

But fuck both of those teachers, because look at me now. I blow like a champ! (“Not really” – all my exes)

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