Hot Slut Of The Day!

January 26, 2013 / Posted by:

The extremely hot, trouble making inmate who tries to destroy Claire Danes in Brokedown Palace!

I don’t know why, but every time Claire Danes’ finest film Brokedown Palace (emphasis on “broke down”) comes on cable, I have to watch it until the end. I already know that the hot Australian dude seduces Claire and Kate Beckinsale and unwillingly turns them into drug mules. I already know that they get christened into the lady prison by getting haircuts that give them a special kind of “just stepped out of the cell” glamour. I already know that even though they make escaping from a Thai lady prison look really easy, those stupid bitches still get caught. I already know that Claire Danes boo hoo hoos in front of the King of Thailand and it gets Kate out of the lady prison. And I already know that I’m going to get up and do a chanting dance when that Sarah Brightman song plays at the end. I already know all of this, but I still watch that mess of a movie. I watch, because I love lady prison movies (Caged Heat II is a masterpiece) and because I love Claire’s arch rival in it.

As far as my weed smoke-drenched mind knows, they never say her name, but she is everything in it. From the beginning, she screws with Claire Danes. Every lady prison needs a head bitch and she is it. She stuffs fish heads in Claire’s bedroll, ruins Claire’s escape plan and gets Claire and Kate to touch the forbidden fruit. I think she hated Claire, because Claire was close to Kate and she wanted to make Kate her prison wife. Watch the master at work (although, that’s really not saying much since Claire and Kate are so damn dumb in this that they’d put their hand into a fire if you told them a Twinkie was at the bottom of it):

Brokedown Palace was a flop, but they should still make a sequel starring my favorite Thai prison queen. They shot Brokedown Palace in the Philippines, so Claire Danes can’t be in my dream sequel, because her dumb ass got banned from the country for saying Manila is a “ghastly city” and smells like cockroaches. My dream sequel will be even better without Claire Danes’ crying all over the place.

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