Open Post: Hosted By James Franco’s Shitty Ass Poem About Obama

January 21, 2013 / Posted by:

Yahoo! News asked several important and highly-esteemed poets to write a poem for Inauguration Day and so of course they asked James Franco since he is the most important poet of all important poets. James’ poem is called “Obama in Asheville” and after reading that shitty mess of a poem, I learned that he knows how to look up stuff on Wikipedia, has a friend name Frank and the people who work at the little burrito place by his school knows who he is. This poem makes Rosie O’Donnell look like the reincarnation of Keats. I mean, the lyrics to a Ke$hit song are more profound.

There’s also a video of a probably stoned James Franco reciting his important work of poetry in a monotone voice while lying on his bed. It’s about as exciting as jacking off a soft dick. I didn’t embed the video here, because I care about you too much. It auto-plays and if you were forced to go into work on MLK Day, then your day already sucks and I don’t need to make it worse. You can read James’ entire poem here, but I’ve thrown up the best (read: shittiest) part below:

I met Obama once, in D.C., the Correspondents’ Dinner.
I was the guest of Vanity Fair, guided through D.C. by the wife
Of Christopher Hitchens, when he was alive. We went to Hitch’s place,
He had books from floor to ceiling, and said he had read

To Borges, when he was blind, Old Icelandic Eddas—
Then we waited in a private room with the likes of Tom Cruise,
And Katie Holmes, and Claire Danes. When Obama entered
The crowd converged. Finally, I got to shake his hand,

He knew me from Spider-Man.

Then I went to the men’s room. Then I unzipped my trousers. Then I masturbated into a urinal. Then I noticed Joe Biden giving me a thumbs up. I think he knew me from Spider-Man. Then I left. I didn’t wash my hands. I sat down at my table. I ate a roll.

My thoughts about James’ poem are best expressed through this GIF of Sasha Obama yawning during her dad’s speech today:

(GIF source: @ditzkoff via Gawker)

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