Open Post: Hosted By James Franco's Shitty Ass Poem About Obama
Yahoo! News asked several important and highly-esteemed poets to write a poem for Inauguration Day and so of course they asked James Franco since he is the most important poet of all important poets. James' poem is called "Obama in Asheville" and after reading that shitty mess of a poem, I learned that he knows how to look up stuff on Wikipedia, has a friend name Frank and the people who work at the little burrito place by his school knows who he is. This poem makes Rosie O'Donnell look like the reincarnation of Keats. I mean, the lyrics to a Ke$hit song are more profound.
There's also a video of a probably stoned James Franco reciting his important work of poetry in a monotone voice while lying on his bed. It's about as exciting as jacking off a soft dick. I didn't embed the video here, because I care about you too much. It auto-plays and if you were forced to go into work on MLK Day, then your day already sucks and I don't need to make it worse. You can read James' entire poem here, but I've thrown up the best (read: shittiest) part below:
I met Obama once, in D.C., the Correspondents’ Dinner.
I was the guest of Vanity Fair, guided through D.C. by the wife
Of Christopher Hitchens, when he was alive. We went to Hitch’s place,
He had books from floor to ceiling, and said he had readTo Borges, when he was blind, Old Icelandic Eddas—
Then we waited in a private room with the likes of Tom Cruise,
And Katie Holmes, and Claire Danes. When Obama entered
The crowd converged. Finally, I got to shake his hand,He knew me from Spider-Man.
Then I went to the men's room. Then I unzipped my trousers. Then I masturbated into a urinal. Then I noticed Joe Biden giving me a thumbs up. I think he knew me from Spider-Man. Then I left. I didn't wash my hands. I sat down at my table. I ate a roll.
My thoughts about James' poem are best expressed through this GIF of Sasha Obama yawning during her dad's speech today:
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"Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 01/21/2013 - 11:35pm.
@kiki, too bad movies like this dont get a wide release...just the crap like Transformers. They didnt play it around me so I had to wait til TTSS came out on cable."
Wow, that's a shame. I'm lucky enough to live in a city so I was able to see it in the original theatrical run.
@hekki - good to know about 'The Contender'. Regarding the 'reply', it only shows up on my phone as well. Interesting.
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It hurts because you let your black heart beat for an asshole who can't even send you a "P.S. I'm about to fuck a hole that doesn't belong to you" text before fucking said hole that doesn't belong to you.
nite Within, winni and all - i'm out too
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Night Winniwins, and anyone still up. ;)
zzzzzz
ETA: The crowd converged." !!!! *smdh* lolol
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Kortni_thegreat, as others have said, don't feel bad. One low mark is not the end of the world. If you feel really strong about it, why not ask the teacher if you could submit an assignment for extra credit? Worse they can say is no. If they refuse try doubly hard at everything else. Good luck.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by SANS FARDS on Mon, 01/21/2013 - 8:49pm.
I might be going to Germany in May, actually. My s.o.'s brother is stationed in Bavaria (hey, if you've gotta serve overseas with the military, might as well be in the German Alps!) and I can get cheap tix, and a free place to stay. Recommendations are welcome, as the only time I was in Germany was a layover in Frankfurt.
Cool, Sans! Ex-BF was from Hannover and got transferred to Munich. Was in a town called Furstenfeldbrucke which was very pretty and picturesque. If you go to Munich, there's a hip area called Schwabing that's way cool. Munich proper is very cool too, and the day market is fun. Train system is awesome. I found people to be very friendly and helpful. It's been several years (over decade+...) since I was there, but I hope you're able to go!
Submitted by Ecce Homo on Mon, 01/21/2013 - 11:24pm.
i only see "reply" on the mobile. otherwise i cut and paste when on laptop ;-)
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
@kiki -- ok, i believe the technical term for what i just saw in this movie is "meh." the outrageous talent in that cast deserved better dialogue and a better plot. some of the dialogue is cringe-worthy obvious. forgot to include The Dude on the "killing it" list. on final analysis, i think he put in the best performance of the big three
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
@kiki, too bad movies like this dont get a wide release...just the crap like Transformers. They didnt play it around me so I had to wait til TTSS came out on cable.
And with that, I wish you all a good night.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
"I am not really a crazy psycho. I swear." Nicki Minaj. ________________________________________________________________
Thanks for the article @foxy! Times like these is when weed is needed. I'm trying to be so neurotic about having perfect grades, it's hard though.
@Sans Fards, I'm SO jealous! Germany (like England and Russia) is one of the places I've dreamed of travelling to. Not that I've ever been there, but Neuschwanstein would be at the top of my list of places to visit (and it's in Bavaria).
ETA: I have no idea how to "reply" here. I've seen other people do it, but I can't figure out how!
@ kortni -- heartily endorse what cij and kiki said. you are in much better shape than the situation addressed by these experts but maybe something in here might be helpful [especially the "put it behind you" advice]:
http://www.supercollege.com/expert/experts.cfm?page=3&expert=6&story=204.....
i've had bad grades in a class or two in h.s., college and grad school but still was accepted or wait listed at good schools at every level. you'll be fine
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by veryoldbat on Mon, 01/21/2013 - 11:07pm.
Bammers... Sorry I was stabby last night. Sorry sorry....
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No worries no apologies needed, hon. Honestly I don't know what you're refering to anyways. :)
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fuck u dan snyder.
"I am not really a crazy psycho. I swear." Nicki Minaj. ________________________________________________________________
Thanks for the encouragement everyone, our report cards will should be coming tomorrow, and if I don't comment, well, you'll know why.
I know my mother is going to be pissed and yell at me in Spanish. I don't even speak Spanish, and its terrifying. I should go buy some earplugs....
Foxxy, I do believe she has won already in the way you've described, I just can't remember which one. It's not a big deal ultimately, although some folks aren't keen on it. It's not like Hollywood haven't given oscars to one shot performances before, y'know?
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fuck u dan snyder.
@ bambam -- sorry, forgot to say re: Hansel & Gretel and the other one: the commercials look like somebody took the scripts for "The Brothers Grimm" and "Van Helsing," tossed them in the air, divided the fallen pages in two and made two movies.
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
@Foxxy - "watching for first time and an hour to go. not impressed with story so far, but Joan Allen and Oldman are killing it as usual. and Sam Elliot Sam Elliot Sam Elliot. he just has to stand there, Hi Sam how you doin'?"
Yeah, that's what I kind of heard. I heard the story is kind of eye roll inducing, but Joan Allen and Gary are great.
Oh Sam Elliott. So handsome. So, so, so very handsome. Great voice too. Stand in every movie and look sexy.
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It hurts because you let your black heart beat for an asshole who can't even send you a "P.S. I'm about to fuck a hole that doesn't belong to you" text before fucking said hole that doesn't belong to you.
Submitted by kortni_thegreat on Mon, 01/21/2013 - 10:12pm.
"I am not really a crazy psycho. I swear." Nicki Minaj. ________________________________________________________________
NOOOO! I got a D+ in French. This is blasphemy. I've got nothing but straight A's since junior high, how am I gonna cope? I'm a failure. So much for applying to Yale or Princeton. How did I fail? Technically I passed, but to me, I failed. It didn't seem to hard, maybe my teacher is just an asshole...idk I needed to vent. Can't do it on Facebook, not with my "I got into Cornell/Harvard!!" friends. I doubt a community college would accept me now. Ugh, fml
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You'll be okay. And do yourself a favor and don't bring that mentality so hard in to college, especially when the work load is gonna be ridiculous, especially if you decide to go full time. You're gonna drive yourself nuts and get burnt out quickly. Study, do your best, but don't go HAM...been there, done that, made me miserable.
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"Vanity’s a business built to fleece the unique. Silicone and stars collide. The rest will fall in line. Just as beautiful as you are, it’s so pitiful what you are.You should have seen this coming all along."
Submitted by kikichanelconspiracy on Mon, 01/21/2013 - 10:54pm.
@Foxxy - Is 'The Contender' good? I've heard really divisive reviews of it.
watching for first time and an hour to go. not impressed with story so far, but Joan Allen and Oldman are killing it as usual. and Sam Elliot Sam Elliot Sam Elliot. he just has to stand there, Hi Sam how you doin'?
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Bammers... Sorry I was stabby last night. Sorry sorry....
@GG - "That bit in the begining when Control said "Smiley is going with me". Smiley's head didnt move or twitch...wow such self control. My head would have wiped around and I would have been, "what choo talkin' about Willis?"."
And the best part was you knew it was news to him. He shoots the slightest glance in Control's direction, catches himself and then resigns himself to his fate. All in the span of 10 seconds. You felt so bad for him.
Same with the last five minutes when *SPOILER* walks though the door and realizes the she-beast has come home. He literally sags with relief.
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It hurts because you let your black heart beat for an asshole who can't even send you a "P.S. I'm about to fuck a hole that doesn't belong to you" text before fucking said hole that doesn't belong to you.
@ bambam - so agree, and i enjoyed the movie even more on the second watch when i focused more on the "magical" symbolism bursting forth all over. and imo Ms. Wallis is deserving of all the nominations she has received -- she carried the movie on her at that time 6 yr old back from start to finish. but...it's apples and oranges comparing her to the adult nominees. perhaps this might lead the academy to consider in the future doing what the BAFTAs did for Bale for his work in Empire of the Sun - special award for child actor
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
@kiki, when Smiley was talking to him I was practically shaking. How English and civilized they were...I would have gone all Rodney King on him. Really?- I just put your nation in peril and caused some people to die but "would you do some light house keeping for me". Really? Me - NO MUTHA FUCKA I AINT DOING YOU NO FAVORS *kick in the crotch* That bit in the begining when Control said "Smiley is going with me". Smiley's head didnt move or twitch...wow such self control. My head would have wiped around and I would have been, "what choo talkin' about Willis?".
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Kortni, I can tell by your posts that you are intelligent. It's nice that your mom has great expectations of you. Hopefully she will get over the shock, and you will, too.
@kortni - Holy crap. Kudos to you. I never would have guessed you're a teenager. You come across as very mature.
Anyways, don't try to beat yourself up too much. Hopefully in a few years you'll be able to shrug it off like me and crazyinjapan about a bad grade.
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It hurts because you let your black heart beat for an asshole who can't even send you a "P.S. I'm about to fuck a hole that doesn't belong to you" text before fucking said hole that doesn't belong to you.
"I am not really a crazy psycho. I swear." Nicki Minaj. ________________________________________________________________
@kikichanelconspiracy
Yep, I'm a senior. Thanks, I'm still mad at myself though.
@crazyinjapan
I know one bad grade won't hurt, but it makes me feel stupid.
I guess maybe I'm too much of a perfectionist, I have a "tiger" mom, even though I'm not Asian, and I'm really terrified of her reaction when she finds out.
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 01/21/2013 - 10:21pm.
Possibly, mike , I only know one Cajun girl and definitely sound more like her than those Yat people.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2QtyHultEA <--- that old dude's accent is Cajun.
New Orleans accents aren't considered Cajun.
Just like New Orleans food isn't considered Cajun, it's considered New Orleans Style. Giant misconception
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"Vanity’s a business built to fleece the unique. Silicone and stars collide. The rest will fall in line. Just as beautiful as you are, it’s so pitiful what you are.You should have seen this coming all along."
@Foxxy - Is 'The Contender' good? I've heard really divisive reviews of it.
Cosigning what crazyinjapan said. I got a D in precalc in and it didn't hurt me one bit academically or professionally.
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It hurts because you let your black heart beat for an asshole who can't even send you a "P.S. I'm about to fuck a hole that doesn't belong to you" text before fucking said hole that doesn't belong to you.
@ Foxxy, yes it gets you caught up in it, doesn't it? At first it was just the little girl and her dad for me, then it was the community that had me enthralled. Wonderful movie.
I watched The Bourne Legacy again. I didn't like it much in the theaters but it's better than I gave it credit for. The end chase was what ruined it, coulda come up with something better I think.
Has anyone seen these promos for Hansel and Gretel and Jack the Giant Slayer? Hollywood is reaaaally running out of ideas.
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fuck u dan snyder.
Don't worry Kortni! I got an F in bowling and wound up with an advanced university degree. Honestly, I think what matters most is your college entrance exam score. Add on mostly good grades and some extracurricular activities, and you are all set. One bad grade won't ruin your academic career, I promise.
Submitted by mike on Mon, 01/21/2013 - 10:18pm.
Submitted by WithinReason... on Mon, 01/21/2013 - 10:05pm.
I even give my pets "normal" people names.
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I do, too. It seems like that's the norm and has been for a while now. At my puppeh's doggie day care, there are far more Jakes and Lillys than Muffins and Fluffys. Actually, there are like, five Lillys! I think that dog name is the human baby equivalent of Sophie or Olivia.
It was after my political philosophy class when
I went on dlisted
I read a poem by James Franco who
seems to think he is deep and artistic
Even though he's just a pretentious douche
I think the reason
He feel asleep in class that one time
was when the teacher was reading his own poems
James Franco is an overrated dildo
Who needs to get over himself
And he has face pubes
Please, Dr Freud, help us out. We desperately need to see Casper [the Friendly Ghost] fuck his mother! --- Cinema Snob
VOB, have you been visiting hungarianhunks.com again? ;D
@Sal, depends on where one lives. Hey Tu, sounds so not right!
@Mike, all's good until you meet someone with your pet's name.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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@GG "My son walked in and asked me what was going on. This is how I break down movies for my lot, Commissioner Gordon is looking for a mole and he is being helped by that guy who was in War Horse. He has to figure out if it was the king of England, Toby from HP, Julius Ceasar or some other dude. Bane is being hunted and that guy that plays all those English toughs gets screwed over."
Perfect summation! HA! Not to ruin it for the others, but didn't you want to stab the mole in the face during his final conversation with Smiley? I watched it with my sister a few months back and she just screamed 'FUCKER! *pause* Wow, Smiley's wife REALLY sucks. It's called divorce. Bitch.' HEE!
I also have to resist the urge the go full on Boston to every idiot who says 'yeah but the guy from 'The Artists' had to convey so much without saying anything!' Really? Because Gary Oldman did exactly the same fucking thing in the first and last 10 minutes of TTSS and successfully silently conveyed something so much deeper than 'Zut Alors! The talkies are ruining my career!'
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It hurts because you let your black heart beat for an asshole who can't even send you a "P.S. I'm about to fuck a hole that doesn't belong to you" text before fucking said hole that doesn't belong to you.
VOB, glad you're here! :-)
watching Mr. Oldman in "The Contender" right now
ETA:
bambam - was lookin for you other night to tell you how much i LOVED Beasts of ...!
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Hey y'all. Here's one more vote for TTSS, ab.so.lute.ly. great movie. Won't see the Artist although I have seen that guy in those french 007 spoofs, which were very good IMO.
I'll recommend a small movie called Leave. Not hard to figure out but very touching.
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fuck u dan snyder.
Kiki, now you've really piqued my interest in that movie!
@kortni_thegreat - Honey, are you really still in high school? First I find out UBF is ESL and now you're still in high school? Excuse me while I retire to my fainting couch.
If you still are in high school, trust me, the Ivy Leaguers don't go as far as you'd think. Honestly. Another factoid - one bad grade won't ruin your future.
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It hurts because you let your black heart beat for an asshole who can't even send you a "P.S. I'm about to fuck a hole that doesn't belong to you" text before fucking said hole that doesn't belong to you.
Hekki.. I'm benched for cereal confusion.. But wasn't that movie something? Her Husband hated her and she tortured her Nannys...I still can't get over the stuffed dog on the Piano... Jeeebus
yes the serial cereal is staying..lmao
VOB: oh, you darling hor, I never answered you! Bad me. Yes, I finished watching "Queen of Versailles"! I LOVED it. That Jackie was fascinating. So she must e nuts. I love her almost as much as I love the Edie Beales.
Submitted by Puppy Love on Mon, 01/21/2013 - 10:12pm.
Louise, no Nicks?! I have a bunch of them on my Greek side. There's gotta be a Nick in there somewhere. ;)
No, for some reason we skipped Nicks and when right to Peters and Pauls. The Calliope I know isn't Greek, just ....different.
Withy... Yeah.. I guess I didn't fix it.. It actually inserted **Meh at me today... So I'm benched.. My own computers a critic...;)
Possibly, mike , I only know one Cajun girl and definitely sound more like her than those Yat people.
Howdy hos!
I see that Mike mentioned something about unusual names, and a while ago I was reading about Rob Morrow, who named his daughter Tu Simon Ayer Morrow. Take out the middle names and she is "Tu Morrow"... :S
Uh I'm not kidding, it's apparently a big thing in his wife's family. Her name is Debbon Ayre.
Being called Tu surely beats Apple, Pilot Inspektor and Radio Science, doesn't it? I wonder though, who will grow up to hate their parents more?
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
kiki, yes I feel the same way. The Artist was a "nice" movie but TTSS was a movie with great acting. No need for tit shots, loud explosions, multimillion dollor CGI budgets or casting of flavor of the month actor/actress who is out of their depth.
My son walked in and asked me what was going on. This is how I break down movies for my lot, Commissioner Gordon is looking for a mole and he is being helped by that guy who was in War Horse. He has to figure out if it was the king of England, Toby from HP, Julius Ceasar or some other dude. Bane is being hunted and that guy that plays all those English toughs gets screwed over.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Wow. I didn't know that name-dropping was considered a form of poetry. But he's got more degrees than me, so I am not surprised.
Submitted by WithinReason... on Mon, 01/21/2013 - 10:05pm.
Mike, so no Ashhleieyeh spellings for you then? ITA. And it's always a complicated uncommon spelling of a name too. As it is, one has to ask how it's spelled and how THEY would like it pronounced. And I'm only talking when it's obvious they have modified it to sound unique! Ugh. In this case, Asssleigh, lol
I even give my pets "normal" people names.
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 01/21/2013 - 10:03pm.
Mike I googled and you tubed some samples, some of these folks sounded like they were from jersey . I sound way more country and southern than that loll
Maybe they mean you sound Cajun?
"I am not really a crazy psycho. I swear." Nicki Minaj. ________________________________________________________________
NOOOO! I got a D+ in French. This is blasphemy. I've got nothing but straight A's since junior high, how am I gonna cope? I'm a failure. So much for applying to Yale or Princeton. How did I fail? Technically I passed, but to me, I failed. It didn't seem to hard, maybe my teacher is just an asshole...idk I needed to vent. Can't do it on Facebook, not with my "I got into Cornell/Harvard!!" friends. I doubt a community college would accept me now. Ugh, fml.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Mon, 01/21/2013 - 9:00pm.
Hekki- LOL! All my male relatives on the Greek side are George, Pete/r and Paul. What's weird is I also know a girl who named her daughter Calliope. I can't believe there are two in the world.
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Louise, no Nicks?! I have a bunch of them on my Greek side. There's gotta be a Nick in there somewhere. ;)
I know two Calliopes--both of whom go by Cally. It's a (fairly) common name for Greeks. Pretty name imo.
Oh, and James Franco really is quite the douche.
Mike, so no Ashhleieyeh spellings for you then? ITA. And it's always a complicated uncommon spelling of a name too. As it is, one has to ask how it's spelled and how THEY would like it pronounced. And I'm only talking when it's obvious they have modified it to sound unique! Ugh. In this case, Asssleigh, lol
@VOB, Hungarian auto-correct, lmao! Evening!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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