Mrs. Garrett Had A Big Gay Husband

Charlotte Rae, the gift to television who played Mrs. Garrett on Facts of Life and the woman who could wear a loose bun like no other, is shopping her memoirs called The Facts of My Life around to the highest bidder and when you’re shopping your memoirs around, you usually drop your book’s juiciest nugget into the proposal. Page Six read Mrs. Garrett’s proposal and they say that in her memoirs she talks about how she felt betrayed when her husband of 25 years told her that he was gay. Mrs. Garrett took the good, she took the bad, but she just couldn’t take her husband licking on my ass in a darkened motel room.

Charlotte was married to John Strauss, the late Grammy-winning composer of Amadeus, for 25 years and they had two kids together. Charlotte married John in 1950 and in 1975, he told her that he loved peen and had acted on his love of peen. Since Charlotte Rae is not Kelly Preston and couldn’t put on a manufactured smile as her husband licked the tip of another dude’s dick, she filed for divorce. Charlotte writes that she was shocked and felt shame over the fact that her husband was gay the entire time:

“First came the shock of what he had done behind my back, then the sting of being deceived for years. All I could feel was the betrayal and, worse than that, my shame. John’s secret confirmed my feelings of inferiority. That I was less than a woman . . . That I didn’t deserve to be loved and valued.”

We as a people have failed when the head bitch in charge of Eastland School for Girls and the owner of Edna’s Edibles feels unloved and undervalued. And I can’t wait to read the part in Mrs. Garrett’s book about how she caught Cousin Geri, Jo and Natalie having a three-way scissor party in Blair’s trailer.