I haven’t felt this excited about an artist’s grand return since Kate Bush released Aerial. (On a possibly related note: today is unofficially International Sarcasm Day.)
After taking a long break from failing at lip-synching and being the American Avril Lavigne, Ashlee Simpson is back with a song about fucking you up and twisting you inside of her head. Or something like that. Listening to the song will leave cuts on the inside of your ears, but that’s only because it’s so damn edgy. Ashlee earned herself a hyphen, because not only does she “sing,” but she also stands on pointe shoes and rolls around on a leather couch.
If you really don’t want to put yourself through Ashlee’s song, put this video on mute and pretend it’s a soft-core art porn from 2007 starring Chrissy Crocker.