This Cross-Dressing, Meth-Dealing, Sex Shop-Owning Catholic Priest Knows How To Party
I've only been to confession a couple of times and not once did the priest end our session by saying, "Say ten Hail Marys and before you go in peace, would like to buy some meth?" I feel so cheated.
I've been waiting for the Global Catholic Network to get into scripted television and now here's the perfect plot for their first dramedy. Monsignor Kevin Wallin, former pastor at St. Augustine's Cathedral in Bridgeport, CT, was charged earlier this month for being part of a nationwide drug ring. The CTPost (via JMG) says that Msgr. Kevin was indicted on six charges and he could face a life sentence if convicted. St. Augustine's issued a statement saying that they are "shocked," but that they stand by him and are ready to help him through this difficult time. But the fuckery doesn't stop there. This isn't just your regular old-fashioned Catholic priest turned meth dealer story.
Msgr. Kevin resigned as pastor of St. Augustine's two years ago due to "health and personal problems." "Health and personal problems" is just Catholic priest talk for "getting caught with legal dick up your ass, " because the CTPost says that he was forced to resign after the church found out that he was fucking "odd-looking" cross dressers in the rectory while wearing women's clothes. (More like fucking in the rectumory.) Church officials also found sex toys in Msgr. Kevin's room. They suspended him and continued to pay him a stipend all the way up until he was arrested for selling meth.
After Msgr. Kevin left the church, he continued to sell meth and at his peak, he was making $9,000 a week. He used some of that money to open up a sex shop in North Haven called Land of Oz. Investigators believe that he used the store to launder the thousands of dollars he made in selling meth. Msgr. Kevin still kept in contact with officials from the Catholic church and he used to go see musicals with his mentor, former N.Y. Cardinal Edward Egan and parishioners
A rep for the Diocese said:
"We had no indication he had a drug problem and never had complaints regarding him and drugs. We approached him and he admitted he was struggling a bit and shortly after that he resigned (July 2011) and the bishop granted him a sabbatical.
The rep went on to say, "And at least he wasn't raping underage boys. That's a first!"
So to recap: Msgr. Kevin is a meth-addicted, drug-dealing former Catholic priest who hollered out show tunes while getting butt banged by a cross dresser in the rectory. Walter White seriously has nothing on this bitch! If priests told stories like this during mass, I'd be in church every single night. Hell, I'd be in church right now. These are the kind of stories I want to hear.
When the CTPost asked one of St. Augustine's parishioners for a quote, she said, "There is an evil invading our world and it has come to our church."
Well, somebody's jealous that Msgr. Kevin looks sexier than she does in a pink négligée.
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our priest was a short, stick skinny, bald black old guy who'd scream hell, fire and brimstone at us with his finger wildly gesticulating in the air.
it was awesome.
*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*
When this hot mess of a story is made into a movie, clearly the only actor who could successfully take on the role of Monsignor Kevin is Tom Sizemore.
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"And people try to tell me that God wasn't high on the good shit when he made this place" -by angel_i
Aww this makes me long for the days of my childhood alcholic priest. He gave great drunken, rambling sermons, told the families with young children to let them run freely during mass, or would be passed out and not show up at all. Those were the days.
Is there anything Kevin Wallin, didn't do? Ok, a brothel, he didn't run a brothel, did he? Dude really got around.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by Glambert
Poopele and one of gladyslove's million aliases should hook up and make bigot babies together that they raise to oppress minorities to make them feel better about themselves. ;-)
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Let's analyze this:
A self loathing pathetic psychotic casts a spurious supposition in an attempt to feel morally superior. A bad sign indeed.
Is this need driven by your own self-loathing?
Do you have the urge to pick up weapons and gun down little white children wherever you find them?
Please get help. Enough white people have been slaughtered by you insane Obamavoters these last few years.
Submitted by LareezyDaBreezy on Sat, 01/19/2013 - 9:34am.
Sorry to get all political. Apologies horz. The Catholic church just hits hard to home. No offense to anyone. I'm referring to the negative in the church. Not the belief it's self.
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I think we can mount a critique on aspects of the Church while remembering the good aspects. Catholic Social Teaching is one of the best things the Church has offered society.
Submitted by Glambert on Sat, 01/19/2013 - 5:18am.
If our war torn overpopulated planet needs anything clearly it is more babies and guns!
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Thassright! Amen Brotha Glambert. Spread the good news!
Sorry to get all political. Apologies horz. The Catholic church just hits hard to home. No offense to anyone. I'm referring to the negative in the church. Not the belief it's self.
*Crackie is growing up*
Damn. That's really all I can say. For years my ancestors were forcibly removed from their families and homes to be "taught" "correctly" to assimilate. Smh. Our language and us as a civilization are damn near extinct. I know not all Catholics are bad. Some of the nicest God fearing people I know are Catholic. But somehow I think all these recent scandals are a direct result of all the bad they have done. "He without sin cast the first stone..." I may be judging but I also had a grandmother who was terrified of speaking her native language, even around her own children/grandchildren in fear of retribution.
*Crackie is growing up*
Fucking catholic church & priests, so perverted!
3/4 of the priests at our parish ended up going to rehab. Now my memaw just watches it from home. This doesn't shock me. Us Catholics are the reigning rulers of fuckery!
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"Not a second goes by when one isn't cock-a-doodle-doodling up my asshole. That sounded sexy, but it isn't." - Michael K.
Submitted by Esteem on Sat, 01/19/2013 - 12:28am.
Submitted by justincase on Fri, 01/18/2013 - 11:12pm.
I'm seriously beginning the wonder what it's going to take for the Catholic Church to change. One of the reasons I lapsed and haven't been back was it's view on birth control. And that's minor compared to the shit we've seen from them over the last few decades. No thanks.
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Why would you claim such a thing? If our war torn overpopulated planet needs anything clearly it is more babies and guns!
**shout out to the fundamentalist conservatives!**
Poopele and one of gladyslove's million aliases should hook up and make bigot babies together that they raise to oppress minorities to make them feel better about themselves. ;-)
No one, NO ONE, does fuckery like the Catholic Church. They've had centuries of practice.
Submitted by justincase on Fri, 01/18/2013 - 11:12pm.
A couple of hundred thousand nails in the Catholic coffin and yet the church is still going strong. All of the folks in my family who are still practicing RCs are in as deep a state of denial as I have ever seen.
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I'm seriously beginning the wonder what it's going to take for the Catholic Church to change. One of the reasons I lapsed and haven't been back was it's view on birth control. And that's minor compared to the shit we've seen from them over the last few decades. No thanks.
Submitted by johnnysgirl
One has only to look at all the scandals in the church - and the cover-ups, and the hypocrisy, and the grift - to see that belief in god doesn't automatically provide one with a moral compass.
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Perhaps, the person lacking the moral compass is the one more likely to be seeking God via a bureaucracy in the first place.
Whamo
As to Heston, Wyler had to give him very specific directions during Ben-Hur to get what he wanted. He was limited in his range. He was however very kind to Robinson during the making of Soylent Green. Very sad.
He's got Derek Jeter eyes.
The not letting priests marry thing screws up the Catholic church as does the strict hierarchy and bloated bureaucracy.
In the Protestant churches, we have plenty of pervs and molesters, too, but since we were founded on protest, if your church allows horrible things that you cannot abide but you want to stay an active Protestant, you can go and join another church or even start your own. In the Catholic church, there's nowhere else to go if you want to remain an active Catholic.
A couple of hundred thousand nails in the Catholic coffin and yet the church is still going strong. All of the folks in my family who are still practicing RCs are in as deep a state of denial as I have ever seen.
Submitted by Kukai-manini on Fri, 01/18/2013 - 8:34pm.
Campbell nailed Elvis for sure and not in a parody stereotypical way, he gave a very realistic human approach to the role.
What special Elvis thing do you have?
Hell ya Edward G Robinson, Little Ceaser, Double Indemnity, Red House and his dying scene in Soylent Green (when actually he was dying) were great films. Having said that I've always thought Charlton Heston was a scene chewing hack. I never understood how he was seen a one of the greats.
You get twisted mofos like this when your hierarchy refuses to accept half the human race (women) are quite capable of leading the church and won't let their priests have normal, adult relationships. The Catholic church are cheap asses who don't want to give their priests a wage to support their spouses and families. By clinging to a rule from the Middle Ages, they have been able to justify this. They would rather make the occassional payoffs from legal cases than change.
On a more interesting note, I think this would be a great Gus Van Sant movie. Dlister Horz: Who would you cast as the lead? Discuss.
I'm thinking comeback role for Freddie Prince Jr.
Poor Bridgeport. Crooked politicians, idiots who throw rocks at electric company guys for taking too long to get their power back on WHILE they're trying to get their power back on, and now this. Did I mention Nickelback played at Harbor Yard? Yeah, poor Bridgeport.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
look I worked at a law firm that was involved in the insurance defense of a church in Dallas, a Catholic church, and I am convinced after reading some transcripts that Catholic priests are for sure the most immoral, disgusting, perverted people on the planet, hell they make Sandusky look innocent....and all they EVER get is a slap on the wrist or moved to another church or community so they can keep their perversions going. The only good thing I can say is it seems he was not into fucking little boys, but that is about it....I read some transcripts were it says the parents woudl willingly let they boys go hang with the priest on the weekends he would ply them with booze and they would wake up with a sore asshole..sorry to be so graphic...but wtf x 10000????
if any kind of fraud like this comes near my family, he will wish he was never born.
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What is her problem? She's just laying there...
OK, if he was my priest, I might have gone back to the church.
Whamo:
And Bubba Ho-tep is one of the funniest, best movies ever made about Elvis; a classic.
Ossie Davis and Bruce Campbell are sooooo good.
Campbell nails the real Elvis like no actor before.
My daughter quotes lines from that movie all the time; especially about the "writing on the shit house walls" and "chocolate ding dongs".
Whamo:
I know you like Elvis; I remember you wanting to visit Graceland. I have been fortunate to acquire some of Elvis' personal effects that are real treasures and one of which Graceland would love to get its hands on.
Cagney was the shit; so was Edward G. Robinson.
Yankee Doodle Dandy was great; the dancing and the scene when Cagney's father died are some of the best ever captured on film.
Submitted by DiamondDogs on Fri, 01/18/2013 - 5:22pm.
Church membership would increase if they'd pass around a crack pipe instead of the Eucharist.
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Lol, DD, people would be going to church 5 times a day!
Submitted by Kukai-manini on Fri, 01/18/2013 - 5:30pm.
Ya Whamo, let's just sit down and watch a James Cagney movie and share a bowl together!
I'll show you my Elvis memorabilia
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Hey I really like Elvis the Pelvis, the man could sing the ass off a song and was a handsome sombitch. Mind you the drugged out mid 70's Elvis was sad to look at. The boys loved Elvis but he was also jealous of their success, both were nervous to meet each other as I've read. The Beatles and their influence on the scene didn't help his career though. His 68 Vegas(?) comeback concert was awesome and he was in fine form there. I like all sorts of music and I'm sure there is lots of music we both like regardless of your inability to see the greatness of the four lads:P lol.
And yes Cagney was the man, he could sing dance AND act. Have you ever seen his Yankee Doddle Dandy? The first time I saw that I was "holy shit this guy can dance!!" until then I'd only seen his gangster films.
Is that stigmata on his hand? Track marks? Praise the Lord!
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What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?
Those who call themselves the most ardent followers and are so judgemental of others are those who are usually the biggest sinners and crackpots. They refuse to think for themselves and go nuts.
As for this dude, Christ on a hipster bike!
So... what exactly does a priest have to do to get fired and blackballed from priesting ever again? Blow up the Vatican? Assassinate the Pope? Because the Church really seems pretty OK with them doing whatever fucked up shit they want.
Ah well. Just one of many reasons I avoid organized religion like the plague that it is.
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I swear, sometimes good dick is a thing of evil. - Michael K 1/16/13
Instead of KNEEL...and PRAY....
we have
SASHAY.....CHANTE!
@chewinsmoke - I had a friend say "I went to Catholic school, was an alter boy and went to Penn State, what else do I have to do to get molested?"
Submitted by Kukai-manini on Fri, 01/18/2013 - 4:51pm.
Tsk, tsk, tsk. You are totally missing the point here. It is so much more satisfying to people who have no moral compass or religious faith to expose the frailties and sins of those who try, albeit unsuccessfully. It makes their Godless immoral life seem less empty.
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You're so full of crap! And your response to Whamo was a cop-out.
Who are you to decree that being "Godless" makes one immoral? I know right from wrong and I didn't need to be spoon fed ancient Jewish fairy tales to have a moral compass or to make my life complete. Religion is just synthetic flippery.
Oh and you're a fucking troll.
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"How nice, to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive."
- Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five
LMFPO at " Rickety Cricket"! HAHAHAHAHHA.
Scum. Buddy of Egan's, too. That church has a school attached to it. I hope that maniac didnt have access to kids.
However. I am hypercritical of the Catholic Church but I let my kids go to a Catholic school. It's an excellent school and I adore the principal. There's one elderly nun who both my kids have had who is a fucking national treasure. She radiates love and even though she's strict as hell, the kids -- all of them -- love her. *I* love her. She's like a prizefighter and a basket of puppies rolled into one.
I still can't stand the smarmy priest that runs the parish church, though. He's an unctuous social climber.
RICKETY CRICKET! Yassssss!!!!
At least now we know the name of Zach Effron's new film: "Life in the Land of Oz."
It's like Rickety Cricket from 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia' - but IRL!
(More like fucking in the rectumory.)
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HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAA
The Catholic Church - by men, for men.
Ya Whamo, let's just sit down and watch a James Cagney movie and share a bowl together!
I'll show you my Elvis memorabilia and share the one good Beatle story of Lennon and the boys meeting Elvis while they picked their tongues off the ground when they saw him in person. LOL!
Submitted by chewinsmoke on Fri, 01/18/2013 - 4:57pm.
same here. She'd make me interlock my fingers and place them on the desk for her dam ruler almost every day because I couldn't "sit still"
I was quiet, principals honor roll, turned in my work every day but the bitch couldn't just let me fidget??
I think next time I'm in Brooklyn, I'm gonna look up old Sister Santangelo.
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
Church membership would increase if they'd pass around a crack pipe instead of the Eucharist. This guy might be on to something.
Submitted by saltydog on Fri, 01/18/2013 - 5:09pm.
I think it is a chicken and the egg argument with why so many priests have sex scandals. If the church says being gay is a sin and you're born gay but believe that bullshit than being a priest is a good option, you're not attracted to women and wouldn't marry one so a career that forbidsit is appealing. And I would bet money that a good chunk of priests who molest kids were molested by priests themselves. Giving sexually repressed people and sex abuse victims authority over and unsupervised access to children is a recipe for disaster.
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Agreed. Whoever thought putting un-sexed men in the same room with vulnerable altar boys was a good idea was clearly cuckoo for cocoa puffs.
I have a friend from Catholic school that I have kept in contact with over the many years, and he is very, very, very anti-Catholic church (anti-God, actually). I asked him if his hatred of the church had anything to do with being molested by a priest (we're good friends, so it wasn't an invasive question at all), and he said no - he thought perhaps he wasn't good looking enough or something. lol. But my friend's a twisted motherfucker too.
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Fri, 01/18/2013 - 5:08pm.
Holy Mary, mother of meth
Pray for our sinners
Now and at the hour of.....hey, girl, where did you get those fierce shoes??????
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LMAO!! And I love your knitting owl!
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
I think it is a chicken and the egg argument with why so many priests have sex scandals. If the church says being gay is a sin and you're born gay but believe that bullshit than being a priest is a good option, you're not attracted to women and wouldn't marry one so a career that forbidsit is appealing. And I would bet money that a good chunk of priests who molest kids were molested by priests themselves. Giving sexually repressed people and sex abuse victims authority over and unsupervised access to children is a recipe for disaster.
smh....too many using professions of presitge/leadership to do their fuckery.
This dude needs an exorcist. I can get one from my local parish.