The highlight from last night’s season premiere of American Idol was Mimi’s response to Nicki Minaj calling her a bitch under her breath (see: above) and the most beautiful sound I heard was the fart some dude pooted out during his audition. You’d think that a farting dude and a shade-throwing Mimi would take Idol’s ratings up, up and away, but it didn’t. 17. 9 million people turned on their TVs to watch Mimi and a Furby in a wig go at it. 18 million pairs of eyeballs is a lot of pairs of eyeballs, but Idol still down 19 percent from last season. It was the lowest-rated season opener since its first season opener in 2002. Mimi would care about this, but she’s too busy sipping liquefied money out of a diamond-encrusted platinum straw.
Deadline says that Idol won the night, but it won’t win the week. That title will go to your memaw’s favorite show NCIS. Almost 23 million people put their eyeballs on this week’s episode of NCIS. This is the first time Idol wasn’t the #1 show during its premiere week.
Because I like to torture myself, I watched all 2 hours of American Idol last night LIVE and besides the farting chanteuse (farteuse?), I couldn’t tell you about one trick who auditioned last night. I don’t remember one bitch’s singing voice, but I do remember every roll Nicki’s eyes did whenever Mimi opened up her mouth to talk about Mimi. Bitches were throwing the same catty looks that John Travolta and Tommy Girl throw during the Mr. Scientology Pageant. That shit isn’t a singing competition anymore. It’s not even a sad story competition anymore. It’s a shade-throwing competition now. In other words, I LOVE IT!
But who’s not loving it is Ryan Seacrest. Fox laid off Ryan’s full-time anal bleacher so that they could afford Mimi’s salary and look what it got them. NOTHING!
(Pic via Tumblr)