The official ambassadors for fame whores were on Letterman last night to pimp out their show Kim & Kourtney Taint Miami, and of course David Letterman brought up her blink-and-you-missed-it marriage to the factory-defected animatronic Big Foot Harry that is Kris Humphries.
It’s been over a year since Kim Kardashian read the words “stage direction – walk to courthouse, file for divorce” in her script and so Letterman asked her why the divorce is taking so long. While looking like a bloated Predator in a 2-star maitre d tuxedo, Kim told Letterman that her divorce is taking so long, because Kris is suing her for tricking him into marrying her ass for publicity. The slow one then piped in with a joke. Here’s how the conversation went:
Dave: Now you, you’re still married to your former husband, Kris Humpries? You’re still married to him.
Kim: Yes, I am.
Dave: Now, when are you going to wrap that up?
Kim: Well, I’m trying, and it’s a process and I’ve been trying for almost two years now, to um, to wrap it up, but it’s, you know, it’s hard.
Dave: I guess it’s none of my business, but what does he want? Does he want his own show?
Kim: I can’t speak for Kris, but I just want him to be happy and I want us to move on and that’s really what I want, is just to move on.
Dave: Now again you don’t have to do this, but when the divorce comes through, and he wants an annulment, is that right? Why an annulment, what’s the difference?
Kim: I don’t really know cause even if we got an annulment… I would love to give him one but then that would make…the only legal way to get an annulment is if fraud were involved, so that’s what tricky. So he is suing me for an annulment based on the fact that I frauded him into marrying him for publicity.
Dave: So he’s claiming that he was the victim of fraud?Kim: Yes, well, that’s the only way to get an annulment is if one person was frauded, so that was, um, the case.
Dave: But fraud was not a factor here, is that right?
Kim: Not in my case, no.
Kourtney: I think if she was going to do it for publicity, she’s pick someone that people knew.
Never mind that Pimp Mama Kris is totally going to pimp slap Kourtney Kardashian for making fun of her casting decisions, doesn’t Kourtney realize that she’s only famous because Ray J slapped Kim’s ass with his neck pillow dick in front of a camera and because Ryan Seacrest fulfilled a favor he owed to Lucifer by putting them on basic cable?
Kim then told Letterman that people need to saying that they’ve let out farts that have lasted longer than her marriage, because she’s still married!
Those jokes really can’t work, because I’ve really been married for almost two years. . . . So it hasn’t been 72 days, it’s been almost two years.
I just….can’t. What do you even say to that? I’d blame it on pregnancy brain, but Kim didn’t have a brain to begin with.