After months of hearing about this mess and seeing pictures of this mess, there’s finally a mess of a trailer for this mess. You might want to get yourself a Dixie cup full of Listerine before you hit play on the Spring Breakers trailer, because watching it will leave a taste of dark tanning oil, chlorine, watered down Jäger, Mountain Dew Amp and dirty foreskin grease in your mouth.
Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Benson are trying to scrub the Disney from their images by playing Girls Gone Wild-like skanks who rob a store to fund their spring break. Then after they get caught and make an appearance in court in their bikinis, they meet a gold-toothed, dick cheese-having James Franco who looks and acts like what you would get if you fed Four Loko to a Mogwai after midnight. The rest of the trailer plays out like something straight out of Brit Brit and KFed’s old home movies.
Well, if this mess flops, the producers can always sell it as a commercial to Florida’s Tourism Board. And Demi Moore should call her lawyers now, because the phrase “Spring break forever, bitches!” is her official life motto and I’m pretty sure she trademarked that shit.