Elton John And David Furnish Are Daddies Again

January 16, 2013 / Posted by:

I don’t appreciate getting the stare down first thing in the morning, but I’ll let it pass, because: a) The starer-downer is a pupil of Hogwarts (that’s where his blazer is from, right?) and; b) The starer-downer could definitely beat my ass, so I’ll fall back this time.

The New York Post said last Thursday that another baby gets to nuzzle up in between Sir Elton John’s wrinkly dumpling chichis, but he denied it. The Post said Elton and his husband David Furnish denied it, because they were trying to get a check for the announcement. But apparently, they denied it, because their baby hadn’t been pulled out of their leased baby oven yet. Elton and David’s second son was born via a Las Vegas surrogate last Friday in Los Angeles. Their new baby weighed in at 8lbs 4oz., they named him Elijah Daniel Joseph Furnish-John and when he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was his 2-year-old brother Zachary Jackson Levi Furnish-John staring him down.

Elton and David gave this paragraph of words to HELLO! last night:

“Both of us have longed to have children, but the reality that we now have two sons is almost unbelievable. The birth of our second son completes our family in a most precious and perfect way. It is difficult to fully express how we are feeling at this time; we are just overwhelmed with happiness and excitement.”

So many bitches give Elton John shit for getting himself a newborn baby when he’s at least 250 years old, but I think it’s a smart move. IN THIS ECONOMY, a family needs to save money when going out to dinner and three out of the four members of Elton’s family get to order off of the discount menu. Elton gets to order from the seniors menu and his two kids get to order from the baby menu. Also, sitting through a graduation ceremony is like not being allowed to close your eyes after getting shot up with morphine. They are boring! But since Elton is going to be 266 when his first son graduates from high school, he’ll get to nap throughout the ceremony and a bitch can’t scold him for it. You have to have a heart made of out Lucifer farts to yell at an old bitch for napping.

But I will give Elton and David the Zachary-approved stare down for once again giving their kid ten names. Does Elijah Daniel Joseph Furnish-John really need a hundred names? They’re not Latin damn. It’s a good thing you don’t have to include your middle initials when initialing HIGHLY IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS, because if you did it would take Elton’s sons eons to get through a credit loan application.

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