The Look On Casper Smart's Baby Face Says It All
JLo's rent-to-own bitch Casper Smart spends every Sunday night playing a few games of Whac-Off-A-Pole at his favorite glory hole, but he had to keep it in his panties last night, because duty called. Casper Smart had to earn his paycheck by escorting JLo to the Golden Globes last night and he wasn't happy about it. You can tell from the looks on his face and the tuxedo, which he rented from Friar Don't Give A Fux.
A long ass time ago, I was in a wedding party and one of the groomsmen did not want to rent a tuxedo. Dude did not want to spend his money on renting a stupid tux. The groom told me that he would've pulled out his wallet and rented the tuxedo, but he was so mad at his groomsdude for being every kind of cheap. Then when we were all at the tuxedo shop, trying on tuxes, the cheap dude showed up with a wrinkly white shirt, oversized black pants and a white jacket with some stains on it. It was his brother's valet uniform and it's what he wanted to wear to the wedding. That valet uniform looked exactly like what Casper wore last night. Casper wasn't even trying to care.
JLo didn't even care that Casper didn't care, because she was too busy giving sexyface while looking like she was covered in sequined freezer burn. Anyway, Casper did his job and probably got a bonus for it. That means drinks after next week's game of Whac-Off-A-Pole are on Casper!
Here's a few more pictures from last night's GGs and I'm sure you've seen them all a million times already, but just pretend this is the first time you're spending time with them. In order!: JLo with Baby Casper, Amy Adams, Jessica Alba, a knocked up Kristen Bell with Dax Shepard, Emily Blunt with John Krasinski, Jon Hamm with Jennifer Westfeldt, Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton (who are everything), Jessica Chastain, Marion Cotillard, Daniel Craig with Rachel Weisz, Claire Danes with Hugh Dancy, Zooey Deschanel, Megan Fox with David Silver, Jennifer Garner with JLo's ex, Salma Hayek , Lena Dunham, Kate Hudson and Sienna Miller.
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I disagree Salty, I think J Lo fucking rocked that Versace dress like nobody's business....
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Sometimes you kick, sometimes you get kicked
-INXS
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 5:31pm.
So what the Good Lord doesn't give you in looks he gives you in length?
and vocal cords it seems -- imo that man sings his ass off. Both Inglesiases can sit down. Enrique can sit on my bed, but he still needs to sit down.
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Can someone tell me why Lena Dunham so aggressively dresses badly?
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"Lord help us all! Jesus take the bedazzled wheel." ~~MK
As usual, Cotillard for the win!
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"End well: this isn't going to." - MK
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 5:22pm.
LMFPO at Jennifer Westfeldt's face. Oh my god. What a MESS. It looks like a saltine that fell in the toilet.
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LMFAO
WOW!
"I hate Lena Dunham now produces more than a million google results."
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/keli-goff/does-lena-dunham-prove-wr_b_2470...
@ Salty...me included. I didn't know Bullock wore it. Yes, she looks better in it. It fits a little better. Where was she when that photo was taken?
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 5:24pm.
and, that's what she wants you to believe -- she's NOT a "rookie" vis a vis formal events. she may be new to Hollywood events. she is however not new to formal wear -- read her bio... ;-)
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by vsminimoose on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 5:19pm.
Guys. She didn't wear a shirt and jeans. She wore a dress (yes, imo an ugly one) but she wore a dress that was appropriate for the event. She has short hair...how much styling could she have done to make it look all that much better? Get extensions? Wear a wig?
Tell me, if you had her canvas and were not willing to lose weight what would you have done to match up to your own standards? more makeup? long sleeves? Because in my opinion I don't know what more she could have done to avoid offending people so much.
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I'd get lessons to improve my posture. Shoulders back, big smile, pose like the other actresses.
I'd wear shoes I could walk in. My dress would fit, at least. I'd wear a dress without those awful lines sewn in - simple, but it would fit perfectly. If I wasn't wearing longer sleeves, then least the straps would be on my shoulder rather than to the side, maybe with a tiny cap sleeve, or a raglan sleeve to just cover the shoulder. Maybe dark purple, swooshing out as it does in the picture. But, y'know, actually fitting.
I'd lose the harsh black eyeliner, and go for something gentle, maybe with purple and lilacs eye liner and eye shadow, blended in. I'd wear some nice earrings, maybe little droplets, pearls possibly. Possibly a simple pendant.
It really annoys me that people look at how bad she looks and think "well, of course. That's really the best that non H'Wood types can hope for." No, it's not.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 4:55pm.
@ Whamo - " I did think Skeletor was hideous in ever single solitary picture I ever saw of him and I wondered what she ever saw in the black eye possum banger"
1. Skeletor is allegedly hung like a mean little skinny horse
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Raccoon eyes and a horse cock, lol!!
So what the Good Lord doesn't give you in looks he gives you in length?
1. before the event she clearly did not practice managing the dress while walking in a crowded room. that is professional poise, nothing to do with standards of beauty
2. before the event she clearly did not practice walking in the shoes in the dress. again, professional poise etc.
3. see prior comments re:slouching. professional poise etc
4. if, if, she was trying to help her friend Zac promote his work, she would have covered the shoulder/arm art that distracted from the dress. her buddy the other actress in the show did that tatt when they were teenagers -- imo that thing is in essence a 1%er prison tatt, not a work of art that could complement one's exposed skin in a formal dress. i'm one of the ones voting for, for this occasion and this dress, it should have been covered
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Lena Dunham gets an A for effort, for getting her hair and makeup done, and obviously trying to look glamorous. Come on. She didn't pull it off, and made a rookie mistake with the shoes, but I think she wanted to look pretty, and tried.
I can't STAND her, but she tried.
LMFPO at Jennifer Westfeldt's face. Oh my god. What a MESS. It looks like a saltine that fell in the toilet.
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 5:16pm.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 5:09pm.
i will say this *hangs head at admission of watching ANTM* -- there was an ANTM show years ago where Posen was a guest and he in words and actions made it clear that he is VERY particular about who models his clothes on the runway and how the clothes are presented. i can't imagine he's too different when he loans clothes to actresses. imo he did a favor for a friend more so than using the Golden Globes as an opportunity to show off this piece of design work. imo Zac probably did not want to emphasize the fact that she was wearing a Posen
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 5:05pm.
Why does she ALWAYS look like she's trying too hard? Stop it! You make me have a case of second hand embarrassment.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
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Co-sign!!!!!
Submitted by Meatblocks on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 5:07pm.
tragedy ... looks like jlo is suffering from shannon-doughertyitis, half her face is jacked up to the ceiling like she's being suspended by an invisible thread.
very piccaso-esque. something she did to look younger backfired.
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Wow, I hadn't noticed that until you pointed it out but you are absolutely correct! The left half of her face is a good 1/4 inch higher than the right.
Yuk!
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 5:09pm.
@ Lisbet:
"(2) Serious point: It's a professional engagement, and she is a performer. So yes, she does have an obligation to look as good as she can manage. And she did *not* even try to do that. She could have looked so much better."
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Guys. She didn't wear a shirt and jeans. She wore a dress (yes, imo an ugly one) but she wore a dress that was appropriate for the event. She has short hair...how much styling could she have done to make it look all that much better? Get extensions? Wear a wig?
Tell me, if you had her canvas and were not willing to lose weight what would you have done to match up to your own standards? more makeup? long sleeves? Because in my opinion I don't know what more she could have done to avoid offending people so much.
Submitted by fredfred on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 5:13pm.
lena is method awkward. even though i distinctly remember her posing her ass off at the emmys.
ooooh it's funny you say that! i'm googling now trying to find an article i read last night where the author talks about her taking a little girl like Carrie Bradshaw pose wearing hoof heels during a Q&A. i too think she's faking the awkwardness as part of the package.
article linked here when i find it.
http://nymag.com/arts/tv/features/girls-lena-dunham-2012-4/
here's description of her "stage presence": . "Lena Dunham swivels in her leather mini-dress.... [P]Though she’s hovering on hooflike heels, Dunham has the body language of a very young woman. She holds the mike in one hand and gesticulates with the other, fanning her fingers as if she’s drying nail polish, petting her straightened hair, her toes turning inward."
to me leather mini-dress does not read "don't give a damn about my appearance or what people think". to me leather mini-reads someone who is trying to stay on trend and perhaps wear clothes not exactly designed for her "canvas". and you know she did not get her leather mini-dress from Wilson's... just sayin'
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 5:09pm.
agree, but she did have a stylist that she relied upon. i have the impression from the way she was talking that Zac Posen "her good friend" practically zipped her into the dress. she's on her own for the lumbering and the wrong shoes and the not making an effort but i blame Team Posen for the dress disaster
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That is a very good point, and it does put paid to the idea that she honey badgered it.
Personally, I think she would've loved to look as pretty as possible. If it hadn't been her friend, she might well have said no - she doesn't look happy in that picture.
Also, does anyone else suspect that the makers kind of gave up when they realised that she's fat? I often get the feeling that there's a spirit of "it fits, which is the best you can hope for" when it comes to designer dresses. That just pisses me off - isn't the whole point of being a designer to, y'know, dress people?
I swear Helena Bonham Carter wears that same dress to every awards show.
What's more sad than the fact that 10,000 animals got euthanized today? The fact that because of the ignorance of humans, it will happen again tomorrow. End the cycle. Spay and neuter your pets & please adopt your next pet from a shelter.
Submitted by can be a pushy broad: "...If those shoes hurt her so bad and she's as original and nonconforming as she seemed to want to be last night--take your damn shoes off and walk already!"
Excellent point, Pushy!
Also, I was looking for a still of Lena Dunham in her yellow mesh shirt and I couldn't find one! Did she have the interwebz scrubbed? Because I though I had read that she had shown her flapjacks on the show, but maybe not. I wanted to show Mr. Hekki, but there was only one (hilarious) photo on the whole of the www.
Submitted by Bigbendy on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 4:51pm.
Oh but SANS FARDS, didn't you know her good friend Zac Posen made that dress for her........puke...;-)
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Too bad he didn't, you know, think for her to try it on before parading her out there in an eggplant box.
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A Lannister always pays his debts.
lena is method awkward. even though i distinctly remember her posing her ass off at the emmys.
and all the "brave" mess needs to stop. actors acting are not brave.
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watching hardcore ufos
Jessica Alba is beautiful.
My best dressed pick is Jennifer Garner..loving the sparkly red. Thought Yessica Alba & Kate Hudson also looked pretty good.
Worst dressed is a toss up between Lena Dunham's poop colored, David's Bridal matron of honor gown and Jessica AssStain in baby blue. The way the front was draped made her boobs look saggy & the hair was awful...my hubby even commented on how bad her hair looked.
I think it's incredible how vibrant and beautiful J-Lo still looks at 43 and that her dress is amazing, even if she has worn similar dresses many times before.
@ Lisbet:
"(2) Serious point: It's a professional engagement, and she is a performer. So yes, she does have an obligation to look as good as she can manage. And she did *not* even try to do that. She could have looked so much better."
agree, but she did have a stylist that she relied upon. i have the impression from the way she was talking that Zac Posen "her good friend" practically zipped her into the dress. she's on her own for the lumbering and the wrong shoes and the not making an effort but i blame Team Posen for the dress disaster
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
tragedy ... looks like jlo is suffering from shannon-doughertyitis, half her face is jacked up to the ceiling like she's being suspended by an invisible thread.
very piccaso-esque. something she did to look younger backfired.
*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*
Submitted by kiwikim on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 4:53pm.
The problem with Lena is she looks....uncomfortable.
They all look the same now. Stylist chosen gowns. Hair. Faces botoxed to the point I can't tell one face from another. Remember when you could count on at least one huge fashion fuck up (Cher! or Bjork!), and almost everyone else just looked like they'd walked down to Rodeo Drive to pick up something nice from a boutique before going out to dinner. Now it's all so professional and polished. A night out with Wall Street wives.
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THIS!!!
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Kitten Kaboodle - a Disney ho who did the ho stroll right ;)
Check out mah page, horz! ;)
https://www.facebook.com/OrderOfTheDimensions
@REDMOND, that's because her cock hunting is more important than fashion.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Why does she ALWAYS look like she's trying too hard? Stop it! You make me have a case of second hand embarrassment.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Oh and Sienna Miller looked like shit. Remember when people though she was going to be a fashion icon 7 or 8 years ago? She gave up on that. That hair, makeup, and dress were awful.
Submitted by chewinsmoke on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 4:51pm.
Lena Dunham (or whatever her name is) should have also worn some shoes she could walk in. I was watching when she won last night, and I cringed the whole time cuz I thought she was going to fall on the people she was passing. Plus she could barely get up on the stage. The situation really stressed me out.
LOL! It was like get up there already! If those shoes hurt her so bad and she's as original and nonconforming as she seemed to want to be last night--take your damn shoes off and walk already!
Like I said before, I know nothing about this young woman but I found her annoying last night.
Submitted by vsminimoose on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 4:56pm.
Yes - I get what you're saying. I think Adele looks amazing at award shows but I still think she has more to work with than Lena Dunham. I know this is Dlisted and telling people they shouldn't make fun of others is....well.....completely moronic. I just happen to like the fact that she didn't try and that she doesn't owe us anything to where she has to look the best she possibly can...even as a plain and fat woman.
I'd like to see Hollywood collapse under it's own weight and have more sloppy, unattractive people running the show. It would be a nice change
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Couple of points:
(1) Me being a pedant: Sloppy, unattractive people run H'Wood. It's just that, generally speaking, they're behind the scenes.
(2) Serious point: It's a professional engagement, and she is a performer. So yes, she does have an obligation to look as good as she can manage. And she did *not* even try to do that. She could have looked so much better.
She reminds me of the "friend" who came to my wedding in dirty tracksuit bottoms and a stained t-shirts, with flip flops to complete the look. (I know it was a small, informal event, but WTF? And yes, she was ordered out.) Obviously, Dunham isn't quite in the same category, but the principle stands - she did not dress appropriately for the occasion.
I was watching last night with one of my friends that has zero interest in celebs.
She saw Jennifer Westfeldt's face and her jaw dropped a couple of inches before she said, "What the hell did she do to her face?"
I'd like to second that. She needs to stop, her mouth is disappearing. She looks terrible.
vsmini, I'm all for regular folks taking over, but she may look regular but she's far from it. Her parents and their connections got her there, and in no way is her being naked some kind of revolutionary move on Hollywood's part. It just means hipsters are coming into their own, with their parents seed money and their trust funds.
Tiny Furniture was absolute shit.
JLo looks like shit. The dress is ugly and screams trying to hard. Plus she's way too fucking old for it. And it made her look a lot bigger than she is.
Lena Dunham is ugly. Yeah I said it. She's not that overweight, she just wears really ill fitting clothes. She could make her body look a lot better.
Submitted by kiwikim on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 4:45pm.
And yes, that dress is SO typical of her. Fuck. Remember way back in the day when she hit bad publicity gold with that green jungly Versace dress like 20 years ago? She basically just keeps wearing the same version of it over and over and over. Boring.
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what always bugged me about that dress is that Sandra Bullock wore it first, and better, but nobody ever credited her for it.
http://www.thefablife.com/files/gallery/sandra-final/51534664_10.jpg
Did you guys also crack up at J Lo's "True Match" foundation commercial? She actually said, "My skin is a mosaic of all the faces before it".
hahahahahhahahaha - no shit, Ms Plastic Surgery Denier!
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Sometimes you kick, sometimes you get kicked
-INXS
Casper has to keep his head shaved because he's Jon Cryer's ( forever Ducky to me) twin once you add hair. Look.
https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/5758721280/h2B63B343/
Lena Dunham has horrible posture, and looks like a fucking schlub.
J Lo looked great in her dress, but I did not like her hair.
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Sometimes you kick, sometimes you get kicked
-INXS
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 4:47pm.
Submitted by vsminimoose on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 4:44pm.
Picking on Lena Dunham for her weight and looks is bottom of the barrel. We all know she's chubby and not pretty.....at least a slam at her being an insufferable hipster (if that's the case) is a better jab.
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I don't think anyone here is picking on her for her base materials. It's that she looks worse than she has to. She looks sloppy and unprofessional. Fat, plain women do not have to give up on looking the best they possibly can.
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Yes - I get what you're saying. I think Adele looks amazing at award shows but I still think she has more to work with than Lena Dunham. I know this is Dlisted and telling people they shouldn't make fun of others is....well.....completely moronic. I just happen to like the fact that she didn't try and that she doesn't owe us anything to where she has to look the best she possibly can...even as a plain and fat woman.
I'd like to see Hollywood collapse under it's own weight and have more sloppy, unattractive people running the show. It would be a nice change.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 4:48pm.
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 4:44pm.
emphasis on "improved her goddam posture"!! THAT she can control easily and it has nothing to do with Hollywood standards of beauty. she stands and walks like...well, a linebacker
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I was thinking more along the lines of a 90-year-old with a freshly loaded Depends, but yes... THIS.
Educate yourself on the badass, not-fuck-giving honeybadger, Olivia! ~MK
@ Whamo - " I did think Skeletor was hideous in ever single solitary picture I ever saw of him and I wondered what she ever saw in the black eye possum banger"
1. Skeletor is allegedly hung like a mean little skinny horse
2. she ain't nothin' but a golddigga'
3. to use the relationship to make money in the Latin-oriented music market. it worked.
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
The problem with Lena is she looks....uncomfortable.
They all look the same now. Stylist chosen gowns. Hair. Faces botoxed to the point I can't tell one face from another. Remember when you could count on at least one huge fashion fuck up (Cher! or Bjork!), and almost everyone else just looked like they'd walked down to Rodeo Drive to pick up something nice from a boutique before going out to dinner. Now it's all so professional and polished. A night out with Wall Street wives.
Helena Bonham Carter - Head Bitch in Charge! Love the LIPS purse! I imagine she has the high heel telephone as well! (And that telephone should be HSOD, MmmK!)
Lena Dumbham's dress is FUG. Hideousness. Eggplant. Ill-fitting. Wretched mess. Burn!
*"Honey, your reputation is SHIT in this town."*
Submitted by fredfred on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 4:49pm.
i don't slam lena's "chub" nor did i say she is ugly. i honestly don't think she is ugly. i do think she makes a living by looking a certain way and acting a certain way and i find her to be as contrived and self-pigeonholed as jlo, swifty, etc. and i don't find that to be charming, funny, or talented.
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Fair enough.
Lena Dunham (or whatever her name is) should have also worn some shoes she could walk in. I was watching when she won last night, and I cringed the whole time cuz I thought she was going to fall on the people she was passing. Plus she could barely get up on the stage. The situation really stressed me out.
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 4:46pm.
Lena Dunham's dress is pretty, but totally wrong for her figure. She would've looked much better with a dress with normal shoulder straps (i.e., not ones off to the side, which accentuate her broad shoulders), and a shorter length. This one looks stiff and uncomfortable.
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Oh but SANS FARDS, didn't you know her good friend Zac Posen made that dress for her........puke...;-)
Double-Penetration...post!