JLo’s rent-to-own bitch Casper Smart spends every Sunday night playing a few games of Whac-Off-A-Pole at his favorite glory hole, but he had to keep it in his panties last night, because duty called. Casper Smart had to earn his paycheck by escorting JLo to the Golden Globes last night and he wasn’t happy about it. You can tell from the looks on his face and the tuxedo, which he rented from Friar Don’t Give A Fux.
A long ass time ago, I was in a wedding party and one of the groomsmen did not want to rent a tuxedo. Dude did not want to spend his money on renting a stupid tux. The groom told me that he would’ve pulled out his wallet and rented the tuxedo, but he was so mad at his groomsdude for being every kind of cheap. Then when we were all at the tuxedo shop, trying on tuxes, the cheap dude showed up with a wrinkly white shirt, oversized black pants and a white jacket with some stains on it. It was his brother’s valet uniform and it’s what he wanted to wear to the wedding. That valet uniform looked exactly like what Casper wore last night. Casper wasn’t even trying to care.
JLo didn’t even care that Casper didn’t care, because she was too busy giving sexyface while looking like she was covered in sequined freezer burn. Anyway, Casper did his job and probably got a bonus for it. That means drinks after next week’s game of Whac-Off-A-Pole are on Casper!
Here’s a few more pictures from last night’s GGs and I’m sure you’ve seen them all a million times already, but just pretend this is the first time you’re spending time with them. In order!: JLo with Baby Casper, Amy Adams, Jessica Alba, a knocked up Kristen Bell with Dax Shepard, Emily Blunt with John Krasinski, Jon Hamm with Jennifer Westfeldt, Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton (who are everything), Jessica Chastain, Marion Cotillard, Daniel Craig with Rachel Weisz, Claire Danes with Hugh Dancy, Zooey Deschanel, Megan Fox with David Silver, Jennifer Garner with JLo’s ex, Salma Hayek , Lena Dunham, Kate Hudson and Sienna Miller.