Golden Globes Open Post: Hosted By The Japanese Cojo
I am still seven kinds of sick, so there I won't be drunk blogging the Golden Globes (yes, I thought of Christina Hendricks while typing that and yes, I liked it) tonight. Although, I could down three jugs of NyQuil and just type "pleasefuckingtakemelordendmyaches" over and over again during my liveblog. That would be way more interesting that my past live blogs. Anyway, the Golden Globes are here and I was trying to find a picture of Cojo for this open post, but I couldn't find one. I don't even think Cojo is there. How can the Golden Globes happen without Cojo?!
In his place is Japanese musician type Yoshiki Hayashi who wrote the Golden Globes theme song, or something like that. I know, he's no Cojo, but if you put your nose to your screen, you will smell the faint scent of honey-infused unicorn farts just like Cojo! So his ass will do.
Happy Golden Globe-ing, everyone! Have a few dozen drinks for me. If Anne Hathaway doesn't win, I'll see you in the safe house since she'll make all of us pay if she doesn't have her hands around that golden dome butt plug trophy tonight.
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Josh Brolin lost the hot, yo.
Did Affleck just call out J-Lo?
Sean combs is there too. Did they invite all jlo's exes?
I see your ugly ass P. Diddy..moving one chair at a time after every commercial break closer to the cameras.....
Submitted by coca on Sun, 01/13/2013 - 11:41pm.
BEN lol is cleansing up the awards
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Did he bring a bottle of water from Lake Minnetoka with him or something?
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"And it don't matter who you are, if I'm doin my job, its your resolve that breaks..Cause the hook brings you back, I ain't tellin you no lie. The hook brings you back, on that you can rely."
Is Ben wearing spray on hair? That is some thick looking hair!
Not that the GG ever really had any credibility, but when they choose Ben Affleck over Spielberg, Lee, Tarantino - PUHLEEEZE....fail
Taylor Swift sucks green slimy donkey dicks. Her songs are so AMATEUR!
Why does that tank in a purple dress keep winning things? I see no talent there whatsoever. She can't even walk in that dress and her tattoos are tacky as hell. Yuck
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LMFAO! That's as funny as fuck.
Foxxy: that haircolor commercial put me over the top.
Yay Affleck -- good for him! this should be another good speech
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by crazyinjapan on Sun, 01/13/2013 - 11:39pm.
OMG, bored, lololol. Tina is Angela and Amy is Cookie Monster! Those bitches are playing us!
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We got Punk'd! Maybe I need to give her more credit than I ever did if that's the case. LMAO
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"And it don't matter who you are, if I'm doin my job, its your resolve that breaks..Cause the hook brings you back, I ain't tellin you no lie. The hook brings you back, on that you can rely."
BEN lol is cleansing up the awards
That dress on Halle looks like a mastectomy bra gone wrong.
boooooooo! hissssss! craaazeeeee!
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
J-Lo does not look human!
cricket -- "that tank in a purple dress" -- OMG, LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!
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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
"Two eyes, two eyebrows."
@Hockey
Werd.
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OMG, bored, lololol. Tina is Angela and Amy is Cookie Monster! Those bitches are playing us!
Fuck, I missed Tina making fun of fucking Taylor Swift? I fucking hate Taylor Swift!!!
Hekki -- I refuse to watch "Girls" on principle, too. I also do not need to look at that ugly, fat, snaggle-toothed Lisa Denim either.
It just kills me when I see Mark Wahlberg at these awards. His success in Hollywood is totally inexplicable to me. Just because he gave some really good rim jobs to Calvin Klein and moved up the ladder and gave rim jobs to the right guys does not mean he has any talent. He's a total derp. He has no acting talent whatsoever.
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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
"Two eyes, two eyebrows."
Submitted by Hekki on Sun, 01/13/2013 - 11:36pm.
Lea Michelle needs a kick in the teefs.
i agree wholeheartedly as a matter of general principle, but did you see her do something specific just now?
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Why does that tank in a purple dress keep winning things? I see no talent there whatsoever. She can't even walk in that dress and her tattoos are tacky as hell. Yuck
okay, seriously-- Jodie Foster is a FUCKING GODDESS.
Best. Speech. Ever. Anywhere.
Submitted by Aerialgreen on Sun, 01/13/2013 - 11:35pm.
Wait, we know Tina Fey IS a D-lister (along with Rachel Dratch, love 'em both!) ~ how could she not try to rip a new ass Tarlor Swift? bless her!
As for Tina Fey's identity here, I'm going to say ....it's Sucky!, yup, that's my final answer.
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Tina Fey is Angela. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAA! Sorry I could NOT resist.
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"And it don't matter who you are, if I'm doin my job, its your resolve that breaks..Cause the hook brings you back, I ain't tellin you no lie. The hook brings you back, on that you can rely."
Boredas,that's fucking funny hahahaha
Damn , Jodie made me tear up a little. Loved how her boys looked at her, with so much adoration .
Thank you Jodie Foster for raising the bar. Damn that was good!
Lea Michelle needs a kick in the teefs.
Hekki, please let your baby grow up to be a stylist.
Amy and Tina--- FUCKING ROCK.
Choked up a little when she thanked her mom.
*standing ovation and tears* the best award show speech in history. congrats and best wishies Jodie
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Jodie is killing it.
i used to like Jodie Foster more before she cheated on her longterm partner then defended KStew when she cheated. pffffbt.
Great speech, Jodie! I might have teared up a little.
I FUCKING LOVE HER. One of the best speeches ever!
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Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
she's coming out and apologizing for why it's taken so long
I LOVE Jodie Foster. The last movie she directed with Mad Mel was very underrated because, I think, of his rants and other bad behavior. It was called The Beaver, and in it Mad Mel loses his mind and starts carrying around a beaver puppet and talking through it. All the time. Foster played his wife, and the look on her face when he tried to have sex with her using the beaver puppet was hysterical.
I love rambling Jodie. Lol at all of the wtf faces during her speech. That's a true talent, bitches!
Wait, we know Tina Fey IS a D-lister (along with Rachel Dratch, love 'em both!) ~ how could she not try to rip a new ass to Tarlor Swift? bless her! and there is still time for more and more...
As for Tina Fey's identity here, I'm going to say ....it's Sucky!, yup, that's my final answer.
Hekki, I just had to watch to prove to myself that Lena had no redeeming qualities whatsoever. I'll never get that 1:45 back. :-(
We need more Jodie and less of the rest of these foolios.
I am LOVING LOVING LOVING Jodie's speech! She fucking kicks ass!
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Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
Submitted by LaChaylo: "I'm so happy to know so many of you dislike Girls. I saw Tiny Furniture, and thought it was the most pretentious hipster bullshit. I had to watch the whole thing just crap on it."
LaChay, you're a better woman than me. I couldn't stomach it and had to change the channel because I was yelling at the TV.
And I refuse to watch "Girls" on principle. Plus I am too old. Not their demographic.
Oh my God. Awesome.
Her sons look like so much alike.
I just looked through Eonline's red carpet looks. Isla Fisher and the model Rosie Huntington-Whitely look gorgeous!!! Rachel Weisz also looks beautiful!!!
Ugly and skeletal looking are Nicole Ritchie (WTF?!), Guiliana Rancic (no surprise), Eva Longoria(she's desperate)and the overweight, pasty I-don't-give-a-fuck-about looking-decenly presentable Lena Dunham.
Tina just made my day. Notice how the camera didn't cut to Taylor?
YAY!! YOU'RE GAY GURRRLL!
here it comes
Swifty is so intense! Please sit yo ass down girl you have been served! She was probably nervous everyone still thought she was a hor. hahaha
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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