None For You, Leonardo DiCaprio, Ben Affleck And Kathryn Bigelow!

January 10, 2013 / Posted by:

Leonardo DiCatchAHo must have screwed Oscar’s girlfriend (second revelation of the day: I guess Oscar only dates Victoria’s Secret Angels too), because it still hates his ass. Emma Stone and Seth McFarlane announced the nominations for the Oscars this morning and there was nothing for Leo, which is why he’s probably eating his feelings in a supermodel’s crotch right now. And Steven Spielberg must have lube all over his peen, because it was a non-stop handjob party for Lincoln.

As expected, Lincoln got all of the nominations (12 to be exact) including Best Director for Steven Spielberg, Best Actor for Daniel Day-Lewis and Best Supporting Actress for Sally Field. Oscar showed some love for Argo, but they also ripped off Ben Affleck’s man wig, tossed it in the gutter and told him to run after it, because he was left out of the Best Director category. So was Kathryn Bigelow even though Zero Dark Thirty was nominated for Best Picture. And squatting out a Botox-laced stream of piss onto Zac Efron got Nicole Kidman shit. And taking a finger up the ass got Matthew McConaughey shit too (but I’m sure the finger that went up his ass got a little shit on it, sorry).

Most of the nominations are after the jump (click here for the full list). A couple of facts, 9-year-old Hush Pussy from Beasts of the Southern Wild is the youngest Best Actress nominee ever and 85-year-old Emmanuelle Riva is the oldest. And another fact, if Anne Hathaway doesn’t win, we’re all in danger, girl, because she will lose more than her mind. JUMP!

Best Picture
Beasts of the Southern Wild
Silver Linings Playbook
Zero Dark Thirty
Les Miserables
Life of Pi
Django Unchained

Best Actor
Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln
Denzel Washington, Flight
Hugh Jackman, Les Miserables
Bradley Cooper, Silver Linings Playbook
Joaquin Phoenix, The Master

Best Actress
Naomi Watts, The Impossible
Jessica Chastain, Zero Dark Thirty
Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook
Emmanuelle Riva, Amour
Quvenzhané Wallis, Beasts of the Southern Wild

Best Supporting Actor
Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained
Phillip Seymour Hoffman, The Master
Robert De Niro, Silver Linings Playbook
Alan Arkin, Argo
Tommy Lee Jones, Lincoln

Best Supporting Actress
Sally Field, Lincoln
Anne Hathaway, Les Miserables
Jacki Weaver, Silver Linings Playbook
Helen Hunt, The Sessions
Amy Adams, The Master

Best Original Song
“Before My Time,” Chasing Ice
“Pi’s Lullaby,” Life of Pi
“Suddenly,” Les Miserables
“Everybody Needs A Best Friend,” Ted
“Skyfall,” Skyfall

Best Animated Feature Film
Pirates! Band of Misfits
Wreck-It Ralph

Best Foreign Language Film
Austria: Amour
Chile: No
Canada: War Witch
Denmark: A Royal Affair
Norway: Kontiki

Best Director
David O. Russell, Silver Linings Playbook
Ang Lee, Life of Pi
Steven Spielberg, Lincoln
Michael Haneke, Amour
Benh Zeitlin, Beasts of the Southern Wild

Best Original Screenplay
John Gatins, Flight
Mark Boal, Zero Dark Thirty
Quentin Tarantino, Django Unchained
Michael Haneke, Amour
Wes Anderson and Roman Coppola, Moonrise Kingdom

Best Adapted Screenplay
Lucy Alibar and Benh Zeitlin, Beasts of the Southern Wild
Chris Terrio, Argo
Tony Kushner, Lincoln
David O. Russell, Silver Linings Playbook
David Magee, Life of Pi

Best Cinematography
Seamus McGarvey, Anna Karenina
Robert Richardson, Django Unchained
Claudio Miranda, Life of Pi
Janusz Kaminski, Lincoln
Roger Deakins, Skyfall

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