Brit Brit Quits The X-Factor (Translation: They Dropped Her Ass)

January 10, 2013 / Posted by:

TMZ says that after one full season of saying the same 12 words (I’m being generous) while doing what she loves most, sitting down, Brit Brit is actually going to stand up from her judge’s chair on The X-Factor and strut away. (Or Daddy Spears and Jason Trainwreck are going to put wheels on the bottom of her chair and wheel her away so she doesn’t have to stand up. That’s what they’re going to do.)

There was a rumor last week that Simon Cowell and Fox didn’t want to renew Brit Brit’s contract, but TMZ heard (cut to Harvey Levin having a Piggly Wiggly soup can phone conversation with a great big box of human grits that may or may not have been Daddy Spears) that she’s the one who is breaking up with them. TMZ’s source said that Brit Brit “loves working with Simon” and “likes Demi” (read: barely knows she exists), but that she wants to focus on making music. Brit Brit is working on an album right now with Will.i.cant and Hit-Boy, and when it’s done she wants to move her mouth and barely wave her arms in a world tour.

Fox gave Brit Brit 15 million bags of Andy Capp’s Hot Fries (that’s $15 million to you and me) to judge bitches who sing better than her on The X-Factor, because they thought it would pull ratings up. It didn’t. Ratings actually dropped. Fox is probably the one who cut the strings, because there’s no way Daddy Spears would turn down another dump truck full of easy money. All he had to do was sit on the side and gently yank on her leash whenever she started to get the sleepies while judging. $15 million buys a lot of boxes of Velveeta, so Daddy Spears would never say no to that.

And I think X-Factor should keep it in the Spears family and replace Brit Brit with London Spears. That bitch needs a comeback.

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