Before you are granted the right to interview the permanent president of the Beyonce fan club, Beyonce herself, you have to agree to become a part of the Beyonce archives forever. GQ’s Amy Wallace writes in a cover story about Beyonce that anybody who interviews her is taped and that footage goes directly into a massive vault of all things her. Beyonce claims to have a picture of every picture taken during her career and she keeps it all in a museum to herself. So you know that picture your second cousin took from the 900th row at the Beyonce concert and then posted it on Facebook? One of Beyonce’s minions (Basement Baby or a forgotten child of Destiny) found that picture, printed it out and stuck it in a file for possible future reference. Bitch keeps better records than the government.
Beyonce stars in her own unaired reality show about herself, because she has a full-time “visual director“ (aka an ego tracker) who documents her every waking moment. Correction: The visual director also documents her non-waking moments, because while some simple hos talk in their sleep, Beyonce sings new, original and unique material in her sleep. Beyonce used just some of the millions of hours of footage for an HBO documentary about her, starring her, produced by her and directed by her.
As always, Beyonce kept it humble during the interview and said that as far as she knows she’s the hardest-working human in the music industry and she’s earned her place as the queen of everything. Beyonce ended the interview by burping up this organic humble pie crumb:
“I now know that, yes, I am powerful. I’m more powerful than my mind can even digest and understand.”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That quote is so powerful and it’s more powerful than my mind can even digest and understand. Even GOOPY Paltrow is like, “Calm down, ho.”
In other Beyonce news, she announced on Facebook today that she has fulfilled her charitable contributions for the year by recording a new Destiny’s Child song with the lessers known as Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams.