Anne Hathaway Did Not Get a Razzie Nomination

January 9, 2013 / Posted by:

Everybody has nominated Anne Hathaway for Best Supporting Actress for Les Miserables from the BAFTAs (click here to see all the nominations, which were announced this morningtime) to the Barstow International Film Festival to the Sloths Choice Awards to the Starvers In Cinema Appreciation Awards. Everybody has nominated her ass. But yesterday, when the nominations for the most important accolade in modern cinema, the Razzies, were announced, Anne Hathaway’s name was nowhere to be seen. “Why wasn’t I nominated for a RAZZIE?! Why am I not BAD enough?!” echoed through the streets of Manhattan yesterday as Anne Hathaway did the slow wall slide of sadness before dropping to her knees and crying out a puddle of rejection. (Fun fact: Anne received Best Meltdown In A Snub for that meltdown and she will accept her award at a ceremony next week. Anne will wear a dress designed by Marchesa.)

Poor Anne Hathaway. Why couldn’t she have sucked in Les Miserables for at least 10 seconds? If at least 1/10000000th of her performance was shit, she would’ve qualified for a Razzie, but Anne just can’t help it. Anne must have all the nominations and she didn’t get a Razzie nomination. She has failed. Why does she have to give an OMGTHENEXTLAURENCEOLIVIERHASBEENFOUND performance all the time? Anne is looking for a return receipt, because it’s so hard being God’s gift to acting.

Anne has cleared her schedule for the rest of the year so that she can take classes at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Suck and learn from the masters, Professor January Jones and Professor Megan Fox, on how to be a shitty actress. Anne will get that Razzie nomination one day! You’ll see!

Here’s Anne putting on a brave face at last night’s National Board of Review Awards in NYC, where the Best Supporting Actress award went to Ann Dowd for her performance in the creepiest and most frustrating episode of Crank Yankers ever. “Brave Face” is also the name of the shade of foundation that Anne Hathaway wants to sell you, which would explain why she’s dressed like the assistant manager of a MAC counter at Nordstrom.

Here’s a few more pictures from last night. In order: the greatest thespian of our time and beyond, a come-to-life Simpsons character, Angela Bassett, Quvenzhané Wallis, Ann Dowd, Eddie Redmayne, Emily Blunt with John Krasinski, Jessica Chastain and Emmanuelle Riva.

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