Yesterday, The New York Daily News published an EXCLUSIVO interview with White Oprah where she said that Lindsay Lohan gained her amazing ability to fuck up constantly by watching her ass wart of a father abuse her mother. It was just another feel good family story from the Lohans! As White Oprah cried into a check from the NYDN that read, “Pay To The Order Of: White Oprah Memo: EXCLUSIVO interview,” she told them that she decided to come out about being abused and raped by Michael Lohan after Lindsay Lohan told her to. LiLo told White Oprah that she must tell her story after seeing a picture of her with a welt on her eye, and now Entertainment Tonight has magically gotten a hold of that picture.
ET has an entire gallery of pictures of White Oprah’s vintage bruised up face throughout the years. Michael Lohan still claims that he never beat up White Oprah and he claims that she got the bruise in the picture above after he defended himself from her attacking him with an ice tray. “She attacked me with an ice tray” is the new “she ran into my fist.” I’m sure it won’t be long before Michael Lohan sells a picture of the ice tray White Oprah attacked with him with to The Insider.
Two quick things: a young White Oprah looks like what The Curious Case of Ali Lohan would’ve looked like in her 20s if her shit parents didn’t replace her innocence and youth with silicone and diet pills. And before Lindsay Lohan’s shit parents watered her daily with liquid meth and milk of delusion, she was an adorable baby. An adorable baby who always had a look on her face like she was searching for the nearest exit. If only she found that exit.
Here’s LiLo going to read Mother Goose stories to orphans in London last night (aka going to a club to drink her lips off).