Wild Horses Couldn’t Drag Brenda Song Away

Brenda Song and Trace Cyrus’ love was shuffled off to the glue factory last summer after 2 years of humping, but she hasn’t given up on their love and has taken the advice of her riding coach: when you fall off that horse, get back on and keep riding. Tish Cyrus’ love child with an undead horse from Red Dead Redemption posted this picture of him and Brenda Song on Instagram (via ONTD) with the note: “I wanna tell the world about u just so they can get jealous.“

Jealousy is definitely the emotion we’re all feeling toward Brenda Song. I mean, Brenda Song gets to lick on Trace Cyrus’ sideburn tattoo and you don’t. Brenda Song gets to rub herself on Trace Cyrus’ water damage newspaper of a body and you don’t. Brenda Song gets to once again spend her holidays sharing a box of Corn Pops with Billy Ray Cyrus while Noah Cyrus pole dances in the corner and you don’t. And more importantly, Brenda Song gets to use that electronic dildo/bong thing (that’s what it is and don’t try to tell me otherwise) in the background of that picture and you don’t. That electronic dildo/bong thing is probably the only reason why Brenda Song came back.

Here’s Brenda Song looking really excited about being back in the saddle while leaving a gym in L.A. the other day.