Tracy Anderson is the trainer-of-choice to a lot of celebrity twats and she goes against everything I believe in like not working out, eating food and hating on Gwyneth Paltrow. If you don’t know who Tracy Anderson is, get to know the bat-faced muscle troll by reading these words of wisdom that have fallen out of her mouth over the years:
“A lot of women use pregnancy as an excuse to let their bodies go, and that’s the worst thing.”
“I’ve seen so many women who come to me right after (having children) with disaster bodies that have gone through hell, or they come to me years later and say, ‘Oh, my body is like this because I had three kids.’”
“When you feel your best, you’re more confident in bed. It’s not lights-out, under-the-covers sex. It’s more like, ‘Take a look at this!'”
But I will slightly slow clap for Tracy Anderson for saying this after pulling GOOP’s pants down during a “body evaluation”: “Oh, my God, wow, I am just so surprised, because you look so good in clothes. I wasn’t expecting this.“If bile almost poured out of Tracy’s eye holes from looking at GOOP’s skinny ass, I can only imagine what her reaction was when she stared directly at Kim Kardashian’s ass of doom. It was probably a lot like that scene in Indiana Jones when Indy runs from that giant boulder. Kim wrote on her blog yesterday that fellow fame whore Tracy Anderson is her trainer now, which means that for the next few months she’ll only eat dried lemon pith and workout 23 hours a day.
Tracy Anderson is keeping me in shape! She is helping me make the adjustments necessary to keep me feeling happy, healthy and most importantly create a workout plan that is safe for the baby. It’s really important for me to have a fitness routine that works for my body and my schedule and I’m really happy with the workout plan Tracy is working with me on.
The only good that can come from this is that when Tracy Anderson is standing behind Kim Kartashian and is screaming at her to do ten thousand squats in a row, Kim will get tired and fall back, crushing Tracy. The next set of pictures we’ll see is a panty-less Kim strutting out of Tracy’s studio as a shaky, bony hand reaches out of her ass for help.