When you got up this morning, wiped your own ass, scrubbed down your own pits in the shower and then put your clothes on by yourself, did you stop and think to herself, “What I just did there was so simple, so elegant, so beautiful”? Well, if you did, you’re an asshole, because that’s what JLo says every time she dresses herself. Jenny is still from the block, but the block she’s from now is in Bel Air and her entire $500 million 400-room mansion sits on it.
JLo told Harper’s Bazaar that her gold-plated life is so damn luxurious and over-the-top that she thinks it’s so simple and so beautiful when she gets to dress her own self and comb her kids’ hair. Bitch thinks she’s Marie Antoifuckingnette.
“I like the whole idea of traveling, of looking good, and doing it well. I make it as simple and as beautiful as I can because my life is kind of big. So I pack my luggage, or dress myself, or comb my kids’ hair, pick up their clothes — that makes our life beautiful, you know? There’s something very elegant in that.”
The hell kind of diamond dust is this bitch inhaling? She’s out-GOOPING GOOP! I get that JLo usually has stylists sewing her into $50,000 gowns and a team of vagina nurses who change her rabbit fur tampons for her, but is she that out of touch? Of course she is, I know. But she shouldn’t think that dressing herself is simple. I mean, it must be pretty hard and complicated to put on pants while your head is shoved far up your own ass. So she should give herself some serious credit for that. It’s JLo’s greatest talent!
And JLo also talked about that infamous Gucci dress she wore to the Grammys with Diddy:
“I have that at home. The other day, my housekeeper put it on a mannequin in my spa, where I get my hair and makeup done. She sent me a picture. She was like, ‘You like this dress?’ Um, yeah, but I don’t know if I like it out in the house!”
I’m pretty sure a part of that quote was chopped off. JLo went on to say, “…and then I fired my maid for putting her peon hands all over the dress I’ll have to sell on eBay when bitches get tired of my ridiculous diva ways and stop hiring my ass.”