Open Post: Hosted By GOOP's Sweet Moves
You'd think that GOOPY Paltrow spent her New Year's Eve getting crushed moonstone enemas while chanting with the Dalai Lama and Deepak Chopra at midnight, but nope. GOOP spent her New Year's Eve on stage at Jay-Z and Coldplay's concert in Brooklyn. Chris Martin and GOOPY busted out some piping hot moves that burnt the edges of Beyonce's lace front AND the edges of Blue Ivy's lace front. The sparkling diamond water GOOP was sipping must've been seriously potent, because bitch did the "Million Dollar Baby" boxing move and the "stirring the organic, gluten-free batter" move all in the span of a minute. Little Apple and Moses Martin haven't been this mortified since they realized their names are Apple and Moses. Beat the GOOP out of that beat, Fishsticks!
via Jezebel
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Y'all see this awful DUI story out of MS?
http://www.dreamindemon.com/2013/01/02/duane-john-charged-counts-dui-man...
Another thing Jack, you could have gotten tased and gotten butt raped! See what happens when the Peen takes the wheel! *shakes head*
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Jack - You're lucky you got out of there with your life! LOL Sounds like an episode of Criminal Minds, only you didn't DIE.
Ok Jack. Just I know some people do so for that reason. Just want you to be happy.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Thanks, GG... <3
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" Can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream... when I do you from behind..." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 7:11pm.
just tell people you're a sagittarius ... ;-P
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 7:08pm.
I'm surprised you took the time to get dressed and didn't just grab up your clothes in a heaping wad and run out naked and bleeding.
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Oh no. I very calmly got dressed and reprimanded her on her unacceptable behavior. I strongly suggested she inform her next victim, in advance, of the sever fucking beating that would ensue should they choose to meet her... all the while her giggling and snickering under her foul, demonic breath. and I wonder why I have issues....
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" Can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream... when I do you from behind..." ~ Kenny Powers
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Yes, too awkward watching dorky, rich, honkies try so hard to fit in, where they just don't belong.
Funny, never noticed Chris Martin is so short, with such thick legs and butt.
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Foxxy - Yeah. WHEW! LOL.
Psycho bitches us women!
I expected Goopy to be worse, like Demi Moore epically bad. She's just regular non-funky white people bad. Goopy can't even suck properly.
@M.E. -- lmao, whew then i'm glad you waited and exhaled!
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
I'm still laughing about the fucking parakeete and Jacko slapping the birdcage on his b-line out the door.
I'm surprised you took the time to get dressed and didn't just grab up your clothes in a heaping wad and run out naked and bleeding.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 7:02pm.
*high fives jack* yep, when i do it i blame it on being a sag too. fire sign, you know, folks, can only expect so much from us damm
/sits next to jack in constantly flame-singed corner
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Thank you everyone for your thoughts and support re: my job loss.
Submitted by bambam on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 7:00pm.
Jack, dude, I wanna be like you when I grow up. LMFAO!!!!!
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trust me, you do not... I've had some pretty fucked up stuff happen to me... I could probably write a book on stuff like the strap wielding psycho episode. When you mix alcohol/drugs with a give-a-fuck attitude coupled with constant pursuit of a good time, it usually doesn't end well...
ok, I'm out... gotta go get the true love of my life... Lil G :) night all.
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" Can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream... when I do you from behind..." ~ Kenny Powers
Foxxy - seriously. Poor man was about to become a Eunich without a wardrobe and a burned out vehicle.
Guess it's true: white people can't dance.
Goopy looks like she's convulsing after accidentally sipping on tap water.
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"Going to Burger King to eat healthy is like going to a prostitute for a hug." Dlister Supah 8.20.11
M.E. - "true jacko form"... you nailed it. That's what my friends were telling me too... they're all like dude you need to stop and think before you say (yell) shit... yea, yea, yea I'm not good with filters... the minute my brain forms the words/sentence my mouth spits em out... sagittarius *shrugs*
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" Can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream... when I do you from behind..." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 6:55pm.
does BH know that he was mere seconds away from having his shit set on fire in the driveway?
in addition, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha!!1
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Ok, just got back, see I need to read back to see what I missed........Ok, seems like jack has some xmas story, let's find the right post. Oh...oh...what?...what the fuck?.....hehehehehehehehahahahohmahgawd!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHABWAHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHA.....UHHHHHHBWAHAHAHAHAHAA...oh god...Jack, dude, I wanna be like you when I grow up. LMFAO!!!!!
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HTTR
M.E shut it gurl, panty confusion? Lololo
GG - it's not like that... it has more to do with my whore wife being a whore and leaving me 2 days before Christmas... I even shaved my beard off (which is the 1st thing I did when my wife left me). My shrink-like friend said something about new beginning/symbolizim/whatever blah blah blah... but I guess he's right because I looked at pictures from the last 3 Christmases and I'm clean shaven in all of them... who knew.
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" Can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream... when I do you from behind..." ~ Kenny Powers
Jacko - Um, this wasn't a discussion PRIOR to xmas eve that you offered to assist her with?
I can understand your frustration. Now, how you handled it.....mmmmm...well....I'll just say not very well, but it is in true Jacko form. LOL
Pinche Jack omg I die!
Anno is a lady!
Louise, I'm hoping to do just that. :) Sometimes you have to say, gotta get out of here, draw a plan up and get 'er done. (In my case, it might be sooner rather than later.) Still awful when they do it all of a sudden with no warning, especially at this time of year.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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I pull dumb blonde moments quite frequently. But with this fucking crud cold I have my window licking skills have upped their fucking game. I've gone full retard.
It's been BUTT ASS cold here. Monday morning I was leaving for work. 30° out. My windshield covered in dusty kitty paw prints. What do I do? Turn on the wipers and winshield washer. INSTANT ICE. BLIND, CAN'T SEE A FUCKING THING. BH standing in driveway, shaking his head, turns around and walks into house, as I sit there, waiting for my car to warm up and the defrost to start working. *sigh*
Yesterday, folding a whole bunch of laundry. Get to a pair of panties. Hold em up. I look at them. I think "These aren't mine." I start getting pissed. I yell for the BH, while I'm waiting for him I text my SIL asking her if she's done a load of laundry of hers lately. As I hit send and BH walks into the room I pick up another pair of panties and it hits me, these are the two pair of panties I got for Christmas.
*hangs head*
M.E. - she had to be at her family's house that evening to exchange gifts, etc... she called and TOLD me she left money on her dining room table and for me to swing by, get the cash and go to toys r us to get last minute presents for her kids, wrap them, take the shit back to my place and WAIT for her phone call informing me when the kids would be asleep so I could jump up and bring the gifts over for her to put under the tree... it just hit me wrong and I was like THIS IS HORSESHIT!! JUST BECAUSE I AM ALONE ON XMAS EVE AND HAVE NO PLACE TO GO YOU THINK YOU CAN FUCKING TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME, PROCRASTINATE SHOPPING BECAUSE GOOD OLE JACKO WILL DO IT BULLSHIT NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM, GET FUCKED I'M DONE WITH YOU. LEAVE THE KEY TO MY APT ON YOUR KITCHEN FUCKING COUNTER I'LL BE BY TO GET IT AND DROP YOUR KEY OFF. LOSE MY NUMBER. BITCH BOOM FUCKYOU!
so, yea, little harsh...
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" Can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream... when I do you from behind..." ~ Kenny Powers
Jack, dont get back just for a piece of ass...if its not working out or has gotten stale, walk away.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by annobanano on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 6:44pm.
Exactly!!! LOL
Tippy toe...BWWWWAAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAHAAAAHAAAAAA *breathes* HAAHHAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAAAA!!!!!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
@supertramp -- just fully read back, so sorry. what someone else said about this being the launch of new better things for you!
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Jacko - In regards to xmas eve and the GF - your reasons for being on high alert around the wimminz is understandable, not sure what GF said or did, not my bizznuss, glad you worked it out.
Now onto the tied up whipping story -
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You owe me some new panties. I think I peed myself. I can't stop crying. STOOPID PIRATE!
Smacking the bird cage. LMFAO!
Submitted by annobanano on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 6:37pm.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 6:27pm.
I calmly got dressed, gathered the forty I brought for the evening and bee-lined for the door...
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close... Busch Light tall-boys and a bottle of Principata Rosetta (her request).
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" Can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream... when I do you from behind..." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by louise_brooks on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 6:42pm.
Jack, I really thought you were going to say she tied you up and stole your clothes or something.
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That would have been a wonderful, and welcomed, alternative.
Supertramp - sorry about the job. That really sucks to come back to... (((HUGS)))
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" Can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream... when I do you from behind..." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by louise_brooks on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 6:42pm.
Jack, I really thought you were going to say she tied you up and stole your clothes or something.
Hahahaha - just like Costanza!
Oh yea, it was a great time... there are only 2 people that know that story IRL, my best friend and his wife... he says he still laughs everyday getting ready for work when he goes to put his belt on... lol
Needless to say, she was the last person I "met" from any website.
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" Can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream... when I do you from behind..." ~ Kenny Powers
Jack, I really thought you were going to say she tied you up and stole your clothes or something.
jack,
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha*wheeze*hahahahahhaha
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
Supertramp - a better job awaits you. {{hugs}}
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 6:27pm.
I calmly got dressed, gathered the forty I brought for the evening and bee-lined for the door...
There - I fixed it for you. Funniest damn story evah! And yes this should be a children's story.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 6:23pm.
$10 says those parakeets say a lot of Tippy Toe, Tippy Toe. Tippy Toe. Cannot stop laughing.
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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
Jack, your story cracked me the fuxk up. Although it wasn't cool what happened to you. The way you tell it, though...
This video is the best argument I've ever seen for legalizing Qualudes.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 6:23pm.
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Lmao, but maybe tell them to fake tie you next time? Especially a total stranger, you never know if they'll leave you like that and run off. There's some real crazies out there. Fake tie, man.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 6:23pm.
I am so, so, so very happy I decided to stop in here today. I suppose it beats getting drunk alone and trying to masturbate and play Call of Duty at the same time.
LMAO jacko. I cant believe you slapped the birdcage.
Submitted by REDMOND: "First: Look at all those children on the stage. Nothing is more un-rockNroll than children, especially little, rich, spoiled, ones.
Second: Cold Play blows. I cannot understand why anyone likes them. Chris Martin is such a dork burger.
Third: Damn she's skinny. What is she, like, 5'10 and 90lbs.
Final: Goopy and Chris are the WHITEST couple on the planet. I cannot believe Jay Z is friends with them. He has like zero street cred left."
HAHAHAHAHA. All THIS^^^
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 6:23pm.
I'll respond to the first part via text.
To the second story - HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.
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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
Submitted by Supertramp on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 6:13pm.
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WTF, the day after New Year's? I'm so sorry to hear that. There are some cold heartless people out there. ;(
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 6:23pm.
Oh. My. God. In the words of Sucky, honey, I'm dying!