It’s a Happy New Year for Hugh Hefner. No, the medical community didn’t introduce a colostomy bag that doubles as a Viagra injector. Crystal Harris‘ trick ass stayed around for their wedding last night! Hef, 86, and his engagement ring-collectin’ ladyslave, 26, tied the knot in a small ceremony at the Playboy Mansion right before Playboy’s annual NYE party. It doubled as their wedding reception, according to TMZ.
Can you blame Hef for going for the twofer on parties? The last time he put a ring on this fickle ho’s finger, she took it, jumped the wall and told everyone how truly disgusting it was having sex with a flaccid mummy on a Hoverround. And then she pawned that ring! Cold-blooded.
He must really
need a titslicious bedpan attendant to work the midnight to 6 shift be in love to take her back and buy her another bauble. Either that or he has her family imprisoned in the secret dungeon under that grotto. Whatever works, Hef.
These pics are from Crystal’s Twitter and Instagram. Check out the one from the ceremony. Hef has an equally ancient friend standing up for him. It’s very Brothers Grimm, with the wizened warlocks and terrified-beyond-reason village slut being forced into marriage.