Crystal Harris Went Through With It This Time
It's a Happy New Year for Hugh Hefner. No, the medical community didn't introduce a colostomy bag that doubles as a Viagra injector. Crystal Harris' trick ass stayed around for their wedding last night! Hef, 86, and his engagement ring-collectin' ladyslave, 26, tied the knot in a small ceremony at the Playboy Mansion right before Playboy's annual NYE party. It doubled as their wedding reception, according to TMZ.
Can you blame Hef for going for the twofer on parties? The last time he put a ring on this fickle ho's finger, she took it, jumped the wall and told everyone how truly disgusting it was having sex with a flaccid mummy on a Hoverround. And then she pawned that ring! Cold-blooded.
He must really need a titslicious bedpan attendant to work the midnight to 6 shift be in love to take her back and buy her another bauble. Either that or he has her family imprisoned in the secret dungeon under that grotto. Whatever works, Hef.
These pics are from Crystal's Twitter and Instagram. Check out the one from the ceremony. Hef has an equally ancient friend standing up for him. It's very Brothers Grimm, with the wizened warlocks and terrified-beyond-reason village slut being forced into marriage.
• 
1.
Discount Louis Vuitton Handbags find online for prices nike air yeezys that you would never trust that you could pay. You can discount authentic Louis Vuitton handbags air yeezy kanye west purchase at reasonable prices. Prices low as 100. Believe it or Not discount Louis Vuitton handbags are available here cheap air max on the Internet for much lower prices than retail prices. You ever get nike mag for sale I wish you could afford an old Louis Vuitton handbag? To hold hundreds, if not millions of other borse Louis Vuitton outlet price some people out air max 2012 there who enjoy opulence have a real Louis Vuitton bag without the genuine price you want.
Is this Hef's way of giving Holly a big ol' eff you for leaving him?
Oh well, Crystal will probably get a million or 2 after he croaks, years of living off the name Mrs. Hefner, at least 1 or 2 book deals (after he croaks), TV appearances, maybe a shoe line etc. out of this union. She is set for life.
...My darling can't you see
My heart sounds just for you my dear...
If Hef lives 2 more years, this dumb whore will divorce him.
----------------------------
When will these simple bitches learn that it's a million times more sexy to rock a body like that and be ladylike and not present yourself like a mandrill every time a camera or a hot guy walks by - vsminimoose 12/27/12
Ugh, she looks like she's wearing several layers of Hef's old skin!
Please, Dr Freud, help us out. We desperately need to see Casper [the Friendly Ghost] fuck his mother! --- Cinema Snob
Where's the rest of her wedding dress?
Anyway, she won't be getting much after he passes because Playboy holdings are already taken care of thanks to his eldest daughter managing it since years. Everything else goes to his youngest sons. She'll be lucky if she gets free toilet paper for life after she gets her lump sum, one-time only, 'thanks for staying married to me until I croaked' fee.
***************************************
Facebook: Heaux Confessionals
Please help support my greatest release yet, Heaux Confessionals©. (S)Introducing the 'Penny For My Thoughts' Campaign:
http://igg.me/p/281876?a=1795010
They must have come out with a stronger anti-nausea medication.
Submitted by Thamar on Wed, 01/02/2013 - 9:06am.
Here we are 2013...YO! STILL ALIVE!!!
Reports are the mansion smells bad, sure sign things aren't so great.
=============================================
I can imagine that every corner and little back hallway of the entire mansion has 40 years worth of dried up crusty spunk and snail trails in it, no wonder it smells. Seeeexy Bawahaaaaaa!!
Here we are 2013...YO! STILL ALIVE!!!
Oil checked
Wiper fluid checked
Dlisted checked
OT
Hugh Hefner a very educated and refined man brought us all the near universal skandom you see everywhere you go. Toy stores restaurants in the street. Is he a happy man in his unchained hedonism? Reports are the mansion smells bad, sure sign things aren't so great. Despite all the tuxedos and silk pajamas.
***
Have mercy on all sluts their job ain't easy
I wonder if she is pregnant..something seems really weird. He seems to keep such a tight leash on his surroundings,his women & business I don't believe he is this carefree and in love with someone who bashed the male stud reputation he has spent his life on perfecting and flaunting.
@Tigerlilly:
He is a VERY smart businessman. I'll bet Playboy's holdings are in his daughter's name, and that mansion is under someone else's name. Not to mention an iron-clad will.
Anna Nicole Smith won money because the son was found guilty of fraud (forging documents). Her case is entirely different from Hef's situation.
All in all, she's still a first-class gold-digger.
I'm sure he's leaving her a nice chunk o' change after he croaks.
Haha! Hey WithinReason! Happy 2013 back at ya! So nice to see you. : ) Hope your holiday was what you wished for.
This is just disgusting! I'm so glad 2012 is gone.
I wonder if he wore actual shoes or if he rocked the red slippers as usual.
Wow, what a great audience.
"Ich Bin Ein Gold Digger" The actual wedding vow that were said by Crystal Harris
Wow, what a great audience.
Look Ma! No hands!!
The dress looks rented.
Look Ma! No hands!!
That's a damn tacky wedding dress.
Poor man's Anna Nicole.
He divorced his 2d wife, Kimberley, in 2010. He also allegedly dabbled in bisexuality sometime in the '70s--as if what happened in the '70s, like what happens in Vegas or Cabo, actually counts.
I find this truly depressing. How sad it must be to have so little else going for you in life that you accept a fate that repulses you.
JessicaG -- awww, you're welcome, hon.
hoff -- my day was good, got a couple of after-Xmas sales, drastically reduced stuff. Also I finally found a terrycloth robe I've been looking for for ages. Took me years to find one; got it for $20, too.
=======================================================
"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
"LEAVE THE COUNTRY BEARS ALLLLLOOONEEEE!!!!"
-- christine the hoff
OMG TwatMuffin! Dried urine and mangy pussy! Funny shit.. I needed that, thanks fire the laugh
You too, Twatty!
I'm just doing a drive by on mah way to crash, long day, but productive. you?
hoff -- hey, hofferina, happy New Year's, hon!
=======================================================
"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
"LEAVE THE COUNTRY BEARS ALLLLLOOONEEEE!!!!"
-- christine the hoff
Hekki -- I was at Macy's today and went to the Lush boutique there. They actually have a soap that smells like moth balls, I kid you not. That's what I imagine the Playboy mansion smells like, well at least one of the smells; dried urine and mangy pussy being two of the others.
=======================================================
"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
"LEAVE THE COUNTRY BEARS ALLLLLOOONEEEE!!!!"
-- christine the hoff
When she takes his pants off, she's not going know whether to suck him off or change his Depends, or both
happy new year dlist hores.
snowball -- OMG, I'm laughing my ass off, picturing Crystal licking Hef's "dry, hairy balls" -- thanks for my huge laugh of the day!!!
=======================================================
"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
"LEAVE THE COUNTRY BEARS ALLLLLOOONEEEE!!!!"
-- christine the hoff
AND she actually wore white!
That's ballsy.
Didimao, did you mean the sheer number of KKK stories they post, or that there's a loon commenting? Because either way, YES.
CA is a community property state, she'll get something. Bet he made her a lump sum offer.
Hef is gross and she is a major whore. Ugh.
OT: There is a Kuntrahian loon on the loose on TMZ. Just one that I have seen so far. Sad and pathetic.
http://www.tmz.com/2013/01/01/kim-kardashian-kanye-west-pregnant-las-veg...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What in the praying mantis crackhooker hell is this?! - MK 9/09
26? Bitch looks a rough 46. When are people gonna learn a shit ton of makeup makes you old.
----------------------------------------------------
My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
"I used to work in a funeral home to feel good about myself, just the fact that I was breathing" - Chuck Palahniuk
She looks like Heidi Montag in this photo.
Submitted by Granny Clampett: "Her dress is what a tampon looks like when it's been in your purse forever and ends up coming out of the applicator tube halfway."
HAHAHAHHAHAA!
Giant titty-balls practically falling out of your wedding dress is not the look. So trashy. When we got married in a Catholic church our priest told us that he wouldn't marry us if we weren't dressed "appropriately". I just kept thinking "what would be inappropriate??" This photo answers that question. What could've been an otherwise pretty dress has been made trashy & inappropriate because she just wanted to be "sexy". Fail. Not sexy.
Also, it seems like Hef really doesn't want to die alone & that's why he married her. But, I hope Hef comes to his sense (singular since I'm not sure he's dealing with a full deck right now) and tosses this nasty "26" year old skank to the curb. Hell, my grandfather married an evil, gold digging woman after my grandma died. He came to his senses eventually, though, and divorced the gold digger when he was 86. So, it can happen.
Finally, while she may claim to be "26" biologically (that's hilarious, btw) certain parts of her body are under 5 years old.
She probably signed an iron-clad prenup.
She won't make out that well when he dies.
Her dress is what a tampon looks like when it's been in your purse forever and ends up coming out of the applicator tube halfway. Gets all spread out and frayed and you just have to throw it away.
"When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better." ~Mae West
The "Bothers Grimm" line almost killed me.
Seriously, why Hef?
@Snowball: I like your take.
*************************************
"Marriage is what you do when you decide one cock is good enough to let the owner annoy you for the rest of your life." - TrashyWilma
If she's really on top of her gold-digger game, then she's getting SOMETHING for screwing him, however many times a week/month/year that may be. I believe even Jackie Onassis had a sex clause in her marital contract to Aristotle. She only had to have sex with him a couple of times a year, I think. And she got major $$$$$$ for it.
Sad for Hef, but I don't think there is anyone who would have relations with him just for the fun of it, or because he's so hot.
* 100% hotness verified by WHAMO. :P *
www.poopreport.com :)
<3-------------------------------<3
RIMADYL KILLS
So I sez to my wife with a see-through motive...Crystal? Maybe she really is a lost soul looking for a secure father figure but IDK, she'll take what she can get.
............................................
I'm sure the place doesn't have an old people smell, Hef's got an army of servants who have nothing better to do than clean after his mess and all the endless parties. And Crystal looks like the fool, his money is locked up tight. I'm sure his accountants, lawyers and children know this. The mansion and property alone is worth $50 million or something. If there isn't a divorce first, widow Crystal will not see a penny. She better keep that new ring.
Hef may be a silly old perv, but he's no dummy when it comes to his fortune. I think he made Crystal sign an ironclad pre-nup and he likely is leaving her little in his Will.
I don't know CA probate law, but a lot of states have a thing called "year's support" which is one way to challenge what a spouse receives under a Will. I doubt she would be able to get the whole Will thrown out because it's likely the beneficiaries are his kids and/or some sort of trust (which Crystal may get some income from during her lifetime) and his lawyers probably threw in a "no contest" kind of clause so if any beneficiary contests the Will they get zero. Again, I don't know CA probate law, but I'm sure Hef's army of lawyers have protected his empire from this skank. There are many, many different ways to protect your assets.
If he does end up leaving everything to her, I'd wager his kids would contest the Will (undue influence, lack of capacity, etc.).
Oh to be a fly on the wall when Hef's Will is revealed to his family.
Well speaking of old farts, I remember BACK IN MY DAY you could watch college bowl games all damn day long on regular tv. Damn new fangled cable sports channels. >:(
**************
HTTR
Submitted by Zonko on Tue, 01/01/2013 - 9:07pm.
He had children, and they will be the ones to inherit his fortune.
He's no dummy - she signed an iron-clad pre-nup. But i'm sure she'll be JUST FINE. Lucky little whore.
*******************************
As his legally wed wife, she can challenge the will a la Anna Nicole Smith. Yes, SHE lost post mortum, but many women don't including the step mother of a friend of mine who took ALL of her stepchildren's inheritence because she challenged the will and won.
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
He has children, and they will be the ones to inherit his fortune.
He's no dummy - she signed an iron-clad pre-nup. But i'm sure she'll be JUST FINE. Lucky little whore.
Submitted by chippychazoo on Tue, 01/01/2013 - 8:45pm.
I doubt she thinks she will inherit all his fortune
*******************************
No, just a sizeable chunk, and as his legally wedded wife she can try to go after more once he kicks the bucket.
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
I doubt she thinks she will inherit all his fortune. She surely gets an allowance and it's probably enough compensation for her to do whatever she does. reportedly she got 2000 a week when she was just his girlfriend.
He's 86, she won't be doing it forever, she has that figured out.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 01/01/2013 - 8:28pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 01/01/2013 - 8:21pm.
Submitted by Mel-Tang on Tue, 01/01/2013 - 7:02pm.
I bet he's going to piss everyone off, and leave his fortune to Crystal.
*********************************
I've always thought that is why she left him the first go around. She got a whiff of the will and didn't like what she smelled.
^^^
That and Polident, Depends, and stale pipe tobacco.
***********************************
Polident, Depends, and stale pipe tobacco,
tuna fish smegma from some unknown skank ho,
cubic zirconia wedding rings...
These are a few of my favorite things...
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 01/01/2013 - 8:21pm.
Submitted by Mel-Tang on Tue, 01/01/2013 - 7:02pm.
I bet he's going to piss everyone off, and leave his fortune to Crystal.
*********************************
I've always thought that is why she left him the first go around. She got a whiff of the will and didn't like what she smelled.
^^^
That and Polident, Depends, and stale pipe tobacco.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Mel-Tang on Tue, 01/01/2013 - 7:02pm.
I bet he's going to piss everyone off, and leave his fortune to Crystal.
*********************************
I've always thought that is why she left him the first go around. She got a whiff of the will and didn't like what she smelled.
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Lmao at the tags.
"Ho, Ho shit, Ho stroll, Hookers"
Whatchu tryna say, J. Harvey?