Brace Yourselves, Kim Kardashian Is Knocked Up With Kanye's Baby And That Means The World Is Going To Explode
You know how you were taking a walk on Sunday night and a drop of white goop fell on your forehead? You thought it was just a pigeon shitting from above. But nope, that wasn't it. It was Pimp Mama Kris' panty pudding flying out of her snatch after she learned that the STUNT QUEEN BABIES of all STUNT QUEEN BABIES is in her daughter's womb. At his show in Atlantic City, Gay Fish announced that he put a baby in Kim Kardashian. The Mayans got it wrong. December 21, 2012 wasn't supposed to be the last day of the world. It's (insert the date that Kim butt births out her first born). I CAN'T even, so I'll let E! News take it from here:
E! News has confirmed with the Kardashian family that Kim is expecting her first child with the rapper. But it was West who already spilled the exciting news to a few hundred concertgoers.
During his Atlantic City show on Sunday night, West decided to announce that Kim was expecting to all his fans. Kanye West says he "ain't crazy."
And the congratulatory tweets have already begun for the future parents. "Congrats to Kim and Kanye. Happy for both of them... bit.ly/YE4Uzh," Russell Simmons tweeted, while the Kardashians all showed their joy for the newest member of the family. "Im a happy girl !!!!!!!!! Wowza! Oh BABY BABY BABY," Kris Jenner tweeted. Khloé Kardashian Odom wrote, "Keeping secrets is hard with so many family members! Especially when you are so freaking excited!!!!! LOVE is everything!!!!" Kourtney Kardashian also went to Twitter with, "Been wanting to shout from the rooftops with joy and now I can! Another angel to welcome to our family. Overwhelmed with excitement!"
Kim is about 12 weeks pregnant.
12 weeks?! That means Kim Kartrashian is going to birth out a baby about the same time as Duchess Kate is going to push out the future Queen of King of England. Oh here go hell come. We should all say goodbye to oxygen, because Kim's ass is going to get so HUGE that it's going to take over most of the world and all of our faces will be pressed against he earth's surface when she reaches her last trimester.
And well, now we know that you can get knocked up from letting your piece piss on your ass. And I bet the Illuminati's chosen one will be named King Kimye. Lord help us all! Jesus take the bedazzled wheel.
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only the Klassiest of Kunts get pregnant while married...I assume this child will get a nose job in the nursery (can't let those Osama BinDashian genes show)...for someone who LOOOOVED their dad, Klassy whore sure did cut the ethnicity (which actually made her pretty IMO) right off that plastic face...wake me up when her ass and Jessica Simpson's tits eclipse the sun - having these 2 pregnant at the same time is going to cause a shift in the atmosphere
How cute, now Kim can share the diapers she clearly wears with her baby.
their kid is going to be SO GORGEOUS whether it's a boy or a girl, so not a blue ivy sitch where you can kinda already tell she'll look too much like papa jay. kid's gonna be a bombshell. also they both look fucking gorgeous on that photo.
run, lil baby, run...
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"Oh, let me see if there's any fucks stuck under
my nails. Nope. Fresh out of fucks."
Puh-leeze! Someone borrowed the Tom & Katie beard contract template! Those two are as about in love as Tom and 'kate'....
"twiterr account for the fetus" ...ugh file this under things that should not exist but so totally will. So glad i avoid social media like the plague it is.
Also, kim looks more like a bottom-of-the-line real doll, every time i see a new picture of her. Stop w the surgery bitch! To quote Adam sandler: lady, youre scaring us.
Looks like you folks have this mess of a non story pretty much covered. Ill say my own first two thoughts were basically as previously stated here (sorry, didnt note the names as i read them):
1-contrived (peeerfect word for it)
2-fib, which will be conveniently done away with through some miscarriage tale. Shameless souless whores would so sink to that level,and consider the subsequent pity party an added bonus
If this is true (I doubt it), I hope the baby doesn't inherit their genetic defects. Namely, his misshapen head and oversized cheeks and her misshapen body and oversized gut (which she gets liposuctioned) and a$$ (which needs liposuctioning).
I find this hard to believe. These two have zero chemistry and he's supposedly gay. I think this is just another ploy for attention from two fame-whores.
I will concede that the baby is likely to be cute. Smart? Well, Kim's a total dummy, but I think Kanye's pretty smart.
Sarah Smile
Submitted by Chris Eccleston... on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 7:29pm.
Kimaximus!!!! hahaha.
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Submitted by P.T.Bull on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:33pm.
"This bitch is crazier than a pillowcase full of clear-level scientologist possums."
no she will not use a surrogate. she would never let Kourtney show her up by pulling BOTH her babies out herself. Kim will videotape just like Kourtney did and Khloe will sit in the corner and sob because she can't get pregnant.
Just wondering if she is really pregnant or will she be carrying a pillow like Beyawnce??
Submitted by Saphris on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 7:27pm.
Katastrophe Kardashian West?
Kolostomy Kardashian West?
Kooper-Scooper Kardashian West?
Kuwait Kardashian West?
Sooo many possibilities!
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My bet is she'll go for a super long name. Very dramatic. And klassy.
Behold:
KIM KARDASHIAN'S (and kanye's) BABY KIMAXIMUS KIMTASTIC KASHKOW Kardashian (West) by KIM KARDASHIAN.
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
Katastrophe Kardashian West?
Kolostomy Kardashian West?
Kooper-Scooper Kardashian West?
Kuwait Kardashian West?
Sooo many possibilities!
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Lucifer_Sam: "Do you EVER post anything worthwhile on this site? Do you EVER have a point to make?" In case anyone else was wondering, the answer is "No."
You are right. I guess this 'news' has my head spinning so much that I can't multiply today. Ugh.
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What in the praying mantis crackhooker hell is this?! - MK 9/09
I feel a horrible miscarriage coming on - just about the time her next 15 minutes is up.
Twelve weeks is three months.
Either this isn't a current picture of her, or she is carrying the baby in her ass, because she isn't showing at all. 12 weeks is four months pregnant and yet there is no belly, even a small one.
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What in the praying mantis crackhooker hell is this?! - MK 9/09
Submitted by bambam on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 5:22pm.
Oh gawd bams, Jay wouldn't seriously touch this ho? No way. But, yeah, that would be massive shade indeed. Lol.
Remember this blind item from back in 2011? Clearly it's talking about Kim.
"Why would someone get married simply to get divorced? Money. Fame. Her romances make the front page of every tabloid, and her weddings will make more money than they cost. Since she has no discernible talent, she will use what she has to make and stay in the headlines. She believes that a rotating door of romances and grooms will keep her in the spotlight long after most stars burn out. When you have such lofty ambitions, it helps to have lofty goals. Her close family and friends know about these goals (although many of them don’t approve). What are those goals? 1. Babies with more than one wealthy baby daddy. 2. More marriages than Elizabeth Taylor."
Brad Pitt was still legally married to Jennifer when he knocked up Jolie.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Jeg er norsk.
Great. Just what the world needs: another stupid fucking Kardashian Kash Kow. With an ass like Kim's and an ego like Kanye's, you just know this kid will be an asshole.
This is why forced sterilization is a good thing.
@ Esteem,
Or even better, JayZ's baby.
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HTTR
I hope the baby is hairy like Kim. And "Kash" would be the perfect name for it.
Bitch has massive 15 minute game, that's for sure. I feel sorry for this child already.
The *least* you could do is get divorced before getting knocked up with another man's child, ho.
And I agree with whoever down thread that hopes this is Reggie's baby. Oh, the shade. That would be epic.
This is not going to be a good year. This is going to be the longest pregnancy. She is so immature.
Wonder if Kris humpback will be named the father since they are legally wed. Lol!!!!
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
Kuntye West.
and ITA with the baby competition thing for Kim. As soon as Reggie announced it was clear she'd want this. I wonder if it's an oops baby for Gay Fish or just Kanye seeing how his brand identity can increase with his name on a baby and a whole line of baby wear. K.W. Kids Kollection! K&K Kids! *grossing myself out*
This kid's probably going to be cute. Kanye isn't ugly per se, but he is strange-looking. Kim is beautiful(even pre-botox/nose job.) Since two wrongs make a right and two rights make a wrong (looking at you, Brangelina) I think these two might make an attractive kid, or at least one who will be an attractive adult. Mixed race babies are the cutest (i.e, Nahla.)
PS, the jury's still out about Blue Ivy. Haven't seen enough pics to make a proper analysis.
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"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom
Submitted by lislop on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 3:51pm.
Way to deflect all the gay rumors about Kanye. He's gay! It doesn't matter if they go on to have 10 kids.
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I remember an interview with Philip Bailey of EWF long ago where he said he had about eleven children with his wife. I was like "Really? Overcompensate much?"
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HTTR
Submitted by vapidlush on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 2:59pm.
Ummm... Does she only pick dudes with K names?
Kanye looks unkomfortable in every single picture when they are together. They never look "in love" or even like they like each other. It's so blaringly obvious this is a setup. So sad for this kid.
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No kidding- this is an ooops baby for him for sure. Though I'm sure Kim had it planned since their first date. This is not the look of a couple that is happy, in love and psyched about their first child.
Kim wants the fairy tale and is trying her best to force it to happen
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Did anyone order me a plain cheese?
@stefystef: true. She is so gross. She would get pregnant just to spite an ex. She's got the emotionally maturity of a toddler (no offence to toddlers.)
Submitted by MrsPotatoHead on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 3:17pm.
Okay, so she's 12 weeks. 12 weeks ago, she "ran into" Reggie Bush and his pregnant girlfriend at a restaurant. Someone get Detective LaToya on this nonsense.
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I said that to someone earlier, that Kim did this when she found out that Reggie Bush knocked up his girlfriend... I said it before, Kim is always in competition with other women, so it would make sense that an attention-whore like Kim would get knocked up by one man WHILE still MARRIED to another man.
We don't need Detective LaToya to crack this case.
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"That shit was more staged and choreographed than Paul Ryan's soup kitchen visit."- MK, 10/16/12
Let's hope the baby fares better than that poor kitty. Poor Mercy...
Way to deflect all the gay rumors about Kanye. He's gay! It doesn't matter if they go on to have 10 kids.
Big FAT dumbass!
Hey Micheal K. Mahalo !
"If it were socially acceptable I would esconce myself in velvet. " George Costanza
Anyone remember this blind item that was being shopped around back in 2011? Who do you think it is? Kim Kardashian?
"Why would someone get married simply to get divorced? Money. Fame. Her romances make the front page of every tabloid, and her weddings will make more money than they cost. Since she has no discernible talent, she will use what she has to make and stay in the headlines. She believes that a rotating door of romances and grooms will keep her in the spotlight long after most stars burn out. When you have such lofty ambitions, it helps to have lofty goals. Her close family and friends know about these goals (although many of them don’t approve). What are those goals? 1. Babies with more than one wealthy baby daddy. 2. More marriages than Elizabeth Taylor."
Oh Man!
So, will she be using a surrogate like Beyonce?
Okay, so she's 12 weeks. 12 weeks ago, she "ran into" Reggie Bush and his pregnant girlfriend at a restaurant. Someone get Detective LaToya on this nonsense.
I don't usually talk about children, but looking at its parents it will not be cute.
Proof POSITIVE that PMK is in bed with TMZ and this is the end of the world:
As of right now, the last EIGHT POSTS on TMZ have been about KK, KW, and the spawn.
gag.
Ummm... Does she only pick dudes with K names?
Kanye looks unkomfortable in every single picture when they are together. They never look "in love" or even like they like each other. It's so blaringly obvious this is a setup. So sad for this kid.
I think I just broke up with TMZ kuz Kimmy Kash Kow and I don't kare.
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 2:18pm.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 2:03pm.
that does not guarantee a good looking child.
Just look at the Willis daughters! Paragons of beauty if I ever saw them!
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I'm going to hell for this (oh well, and every thing else), but isn't it awesome when the co-called Beautiful People have homely kids? I mean, Bennifer2's girls are some kinda fug. Suri? She gives me the Rosemary's Baby creeps-- unattractive and slightly scary. The Willis girls-- good Gawd, y'all. All of Charlie Sheen's recent spawn are heinous and look angry in every picture. And I have seen ONE picture of Brooke Shields' girls...oh mah Gawd, they are just sadly unattractive. Not that I'm hating on any of these people, and fugly kids can always grow up differently, but I secretly love it when people are fucking full of themselves have unattractive babies. It makes me think that karma is alive and well.
Suri Cruise is cute as can be and will probably grow up to be a beautiful woman. No way should she be on your "unattractive kids of celebs" list.
Submitted by Hockey fan on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 2:14pm.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 2:09pm.
Submitted by Dr. Dick on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 2:04pm.
"Yes, it's terrible. Redirect and wish innocent baby well and hope that Kim dies in childbirth."
Tim Gunn would be so proud of you -- "make it work!"
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Troo dat. Can't really hate on the baby, it's not its fault its parents are the biggest fucktards in the world.
Maybe they should name it Frances Bean...I see the same future for this poor child.
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Her Dr. better tie up that cervix or that poor baby will start tumbling earthward out of that overused canyon.
People its bad enough that if this is true, the child will have to be IN KK's body for a while, it will be born with the ORIGINAL Kartrashian nose, be offered up into Satans service, lose its cherry on tape and be whored out by its grandmother. What a sick sad life.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 2:03pm.
that does not guarantee a good looking child.
Just look at the Willis daughters! Paragons of beauty if I ever saw them!