And It Begins
Yes, we all knew this was coming. Brace yourselves for POST after POST about the love child of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West from this and every other blog for the foreseeable future. Excuse me for a second, I have a serious case of the barfs for some reason. Hold it down girlfriend, you don't want to waste delicious booze on this trash. Swallow HARD, breathe, and... As Michael K told us all early this morning, Kanye told the world that yes the Antichrist baking in Hell Kim's oven. In the video above you can see Kanye announcing their joy and our pain to the world.
TMZ says that the announcement came as a complete surprise to Kim, who thought they had planned to keep it a secret until she started showing, and she cried tears of joy as she sat in the audience with Satan her mom, her BFF, and several of Kanye's family members. I read that as "Kim cried angry tears that Kanye and his big fat mouth just cost her a huge check from E! for the announcement" and smiled. See? Every cloud has a silver lining, no matter how dark and foreboding.
Kim's official statement about it is on Celebitchy. She said:
It’s true!! Kanye and I are expecting a baby. We feel so blessed and lucky and wish that in addition to both of our families, his mom and my dad could be here to celebrate this special time with us. Looking forward to great new beginnings in 2013 and to starting a family. Happy New Year!!! Xo
Um Kim, before that new beginning you may want to do an ending, like I don't know, maybe getting a divorce from your current husband Kris what's-his-name. Just saying. But that wouldn't be tacky as fuck, so yeah let's not expect too much.
TMZ also reports that Kim is getting PAID 6 figures (dontpuke dontpuke dontpuke) to show up for the New Year's Eve bash at 1 Oak on the Las Vegas strip tonight and she's not going to let a little case of the babies stand in her way of getting that cash. As much as I would love to go all Judge Judy and slam a gavel down on her face for partaking in the sweet nectar with a brat in her belly, she's never been known as a drinker so that's probably not an issue. Can I hammer her anyway, please?? Just once. So anyway, for all of you planning to attend the festivities at 1 Oak tonight, get your seat early since Kim's double wide trailer ass will take about 100 of them once she shows up.
ty MK (I think) for the video!
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Submitted by vsminimoose on Tue, 01/01/2013 - 12:20am.
True. Then again, he always looks gloomy. (Can you imagine him as a doting father??)
Bitch please. It's another attention stunt, she'll be boohooing on the blogs a few weeks from now about the loss of their baby. So transparent.
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I hope your free abortions are worth it because your daughter, your daughter's daughter, and your daughter's daughter's daughter will be paying for them throughout the next couple of centuries. If America still exists.~ pfk
Submitted by RandéSleepover on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 9:38pm.
I don't see Kanye actually marrying her. For him, this pregnancy might just be a stunt move gone awry. He was looking for hype and ended up with 18-21 years of support obligations.
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Which would explain why he looks so morbid in every picture taken in the last couple of months.......
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Did anyone order me a plain cheese?
I don't know why y'all are getting so apoplectic about this. This means that it's 14 MINUTES AND COUNTING. Her time pissing in the limelight is almost ovah! What do the most talentless of mediahoez do when the heat cools off? Get "up the duff", of course. Any of you think she cooked this stunt-of-all-stunts up without his knowledge? It would explain his "pissed" demeanor in pics AND his "official" announcement WITHOUT the PMK red wax seal of approval. I also wonder if PMK is in the War Room as we speak, with a bunch of spin doctors trying to spin this to her "brand's" benefit? This probably explains her and Bruce's grim sourpusses on display a few days ago at that game.
P.S. Ray J, Amber Rose, Kris Humphries and Riccardo Tisci must be ringing in the New Year by laughing their collective asses off at this fuckery.
This is a blind item from 2011 about Kim K. Clearly she is doing everything in he power to fulfill her dream.
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"Why would someone get married simply to get divorced? Money. Fame. Her romances make the front page of every tabloid, and her weddings will make more money than they cost. Since she has no discernible talent, she will use what she has to make and stay in the headlines. She believes that a rotating door of romances and grooms will keep her in the spotlight long after most stars burn out. When you have such lofty ambitions, it helps to have lofty goals. Her close family and friends know about these goals (although many of them don’t approve). What are those goals? 1. Babies with more than one wealthy baby daddy. 2. More marriages than Elizabeth Taylor."
Kunny Leangus Kardashian-West.
I knew when it was announced that his ex Amber was pregnant that Kanye just had to try and top it. So now we get this! These two will do anything to keep the attention on them, even a planned pregnancy, cause I have no doubt it was planned meticulously. God, I hate these two idiots!
*Imagines the Alien birth scene*
Rosemary's Baby/The Omen/The Devil's Advocate/Spawn...
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Can you spell "baby bump" with a K? I'm sure those smug assholes will figure it out before they start selling the pictures to the mags. Anywhoo I've got my money on the name Kash Money Kardashian-West.
Konda Kardashian West...... to honor mamma
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"Men need to like you a little more than you like them" .......... NeNe Leakes
Haha Chris E., that's hilarious! Have a wonderful New Years everyone. I'm off to our annual Indian community New Years Eve gossip queen bitch fest, people you hate but have to go because guilt trip causing parents are sponsoring party so I can get tangled in my sari and fall on my ass on the dance floor again. Good times!
Because I never believed this "relationship" was anything other than a contract for more press, I CAN'T believe that this is anything more. I wonder if they will use the same surrogate as bey and jay...kumkow can't possibly think that a baby is a good idea if she can't even take care of a kitten. And u knoooowww her hips would be as wide as my house if she was actually carrying.
Who thinks they might "miscarry" after a month or so for more headlines.
I HATE THESE PPL AND THE FACT THAT THEY ARE "reproducing"
Didn't Tila Tequila fake a pregnancy and miscarriage once? She was live tweeting every step of her fake "miscarriage" as it happened... the pains in her belly, the ambulance... sickening. Kim thinks she's American Royalty and is trying to compete with Kate, same as she was with her fake ass wedding. God help little Kashkow Kardashian-West (and us) if it's true.
I think she'll name it KIMaximus KIMtastic KARDASHIAN (west) by KIM KARDASHIAN.
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
E! will probably having a whole month dedicated to her giving birth, which will end with the little bastard walking out of Kim's whore hole with the camera rolling 6 inches away.
Blessed by Khrist.
Kween Krincess Khlamydia Kardashian West
If I were a blogger, I would consider this crotch fruit a boon from the gods. Kind of how comedians love a stupid president.
Keeyore captures Kanye's moping mug.
That's krazy! Not Krincess?
Submitted by WithinReason... on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 10:18pm.
Awww, thank you WR! You're too kind :)And yep, Mk's picks are doing a good job. MK, however, is the shiz of all shizzes if i can say that! Homeboy makes me roll on the floor each time i read his posts. A smart man in every possible sense. I love that about him!
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
Korny Ass On Any Random Kob
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Submitted by Gigaboob on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 10:10pm.
possible girl names
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haha, thanks :) I just thought of another girl name - Kween.
Submitted by Haribo on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 9:39pm.
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They teasing you about the correct/edit button which may not be visible on all devices? Phoooooeweeeee! Here's to sending you some lovin and happiness in the new year then. Let's declare 13 a lucky number!
Ya, MK, is the funniest ho evah. His guest blogger picks don't do so bad either. They get funnier each time they come on. :D
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by bambam on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 9:58pm.
lol! bambam, i'll keep that in mind!
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
Submitted by Violet on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 9:37pm.
possible girl names
Kan-yemberly
Krystal
Kimye'
Khrysanthemum
Khlamydia
Kinderella
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My husband and I are laughing so hard at this. Awesome, Violet!
Submitted by Mel-Tang on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 8:51pm.
Well, this is going to be THE fight of 2013. The custody battle when these two idiots break up. They're gonna put Gabriel and Halle to shame.
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Only in this case, they'll both be fighting for the other party to keep the kid.
"This baby doesn't go with my outfit! Ugh!"
"This baby needs almost as much constant attention as I do! Yuck!"
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"You will drink the black sperm of my vengeance!" Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
Submitted by Haribo on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 9:52pm.
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We can forgive you for the poor spelling, no problem.
Forgiving you for making a whole 'nother post when you can just click on edit at the bottom and fix it, we won't. ;-)
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HTTR
*Kanye
holy christ...may all you dlisters forgive me for my poor spelling today. It really is not intentional.
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
Submitted by bambam on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 9:43pm.
For sure, bambam! And Kany certainly thinks he's hip. How mistaken can a mofo be?! :)
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
I see a brand of tacky, poorly made, cheap baby clothes to sell to the masses of ignorant yet broke fools who think this tribe of gypsies (sorry to any real Gypsies) are KLASSY.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Touché RachieZ. XD
Submitted by Haribo on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 8:57pm.
'Baby mama'...I've never heard any white guy say that about his knocked up gf. It's a black thing or am I wrong?
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Occasionally some guy (who thinks he's hip) will drop that phrase to show that he's down. It's apocalyptic I tell ya.
Another sign...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNo-L4-2P0w
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HTTR
*the pleasure
sorry, i'm a lil tipsy here. been mixing drinks and shiz. not a good thing to do, i confess :P
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
Submitted by WithinReason... on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 9:30pm.
It's over here where i'm at :) and yeah, I want 2013 to be so much better! My bitter ass needs some lovin and happiness and i truly hope that's what 2013 has in store for it and for all of you dlisted hoz. MK, happy new year to you too! You're the funniest man i've ever had to pleasure to 'read'. Keep the good work up! Love you, dlisted and all my fellow dlisters tons :) :*
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
I don't see Kanye actually marrying her. For him, this pregnancy might just be a stunt move gone awry. He was looking for hype and ended up with 18-21 years of support obligations.
possible girl names
Kan-yemberly
Krystal
Kimye'
Khrysanthemum
Khlamydia
Kinderella
Submitted by Smelly_old_Granny on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 8:52pm.
More proof that God hates mankind.
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More proof that there is no god.
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 7:35pm.
It's probably gonna have a big giant head like a black Quagmire.. giggdy giggdy!
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A black Quagmire??? Are there pictures of me on the internet somewhere?
It occurred to me Kanye is as much invested in having a baby too, since Amber Rose got knocked up by Whiz Khalifa.
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HTTR
Fuck me, they're breeding now!!!
You know if it's a boy its name is already King
Submitted by Haribo on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 9:26pm.
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Hey hey hey, it's not over yet, lol but I'm counting down the hours. Heck ya, here's hoping it's much better!
On these two horrid hos, blech, that is all! ;D
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by WithinReason... on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 8:59pm.
Thank you so much, WR! :) Let's hope 2013 is kind to all of us! 2012 was tough...I'm glad it's over.
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
Between his massive storing nuts for the winter cheeks & her arse this baby will look like a bone shaped dog toy. Happy New year !
Possible businesses for Kimye to make more $$$$$ off of this pregnancy:
-Kute Kribz
-Kinder Kare fo Kidz
-Kardashian stretch marKream
-Kradle Kap Koncealer
-Kwality Kids Kutz
* 100% hotness verified by WHAMO. :P *
www.poopreport.com :)
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RIMADYL KILLS
Baby Momma gave away A KITTEN for crissakes! A KITTEN! She will be over this kid in 10 minutes!
.... and Happy New Year horz!
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"Men need to like you a little more than you like them" .......... NeNe Leakes
Imagine the size of her chones in the 3rd trimester. You could go sailing with that shit.
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"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK
Submitted by Haribo on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 8:58pm.
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Haribo happy new year's to ya as well! :D
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Welcome to "Child support" Kanye. *cue kris jenner maniacal laugh*
Submitted by Dog on Mon, 12/31/2012 - 8:16pm.
How long before he gets caught boning Casper Smart?
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OH GOD. WHY.
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Submitted by P.T.Bull on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:33pm.
"This bitch is crazier than a pillowcase full of clear-level scientologist possums."