And It Begins

December 31, 2012 / Posted by:

Yes, we all knew this was coming. Brace yourselves for POST after POST about the love child of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West from this and every other blog for the foreseeable future. Excuse me for a second, I have a serious case of the barfs for some reason. Hold it down girlfriend, you don’t want to waste delicious booze on this trash. Swallow HARD, breathe, and… As Michael K told us all early this morning, Kanye told the world that yes the Antichrist baking in Hell Kim’s oven. In the video above you can see Kanye announcing their joy and our pain to the world.

TMZ says that the announcement came as a complete surprise to Kim, who thought they had planned to keep it a secret until she started showing, and she cried tears of joy as she sat in the audience with Satan her mom, her BFF, and several of Kanye’s family members. I read that as “Kim cried angry tears that Kanye and his big fat mouth just cost her a huge check from E! for the announcement” and smiled. See? Every cloud has a silver lining, no matter how dark and foreboding.

Kim’s official statement about it is on Celebitchy. She said:

It’s true!! Kanye and I are expecting a baby. We feel so blessed and lucky and wish that in addition to both of our families, his mom and my dad could be here to celebrate this special time with us. Looking forward to great new beginnings in 2013 and to starting a family. Happy New Year!!! Xo

Um Kim, before that new beginning you may want to do an ending, like I don’t know, maybe getting a divorce from your current husband Kris what’s-his-name. Just saying. But that wouldn’t be tacky as fuck, so yeah let’s not expect too much.

TMZ also reports that Kim is getting PAID 6 figures (dontpuke dontpuke dontpuke) to show up for the New Year’s Eve bash at 1 Oak on the Las Vegas strip tonight and she’s not going to let a little case of the babies stand in her way of getting that cash. As much as I would love to go all Judge Judy and slam a gavel down on her face for partaking in the sweet nectar with a brat in her belly, she’s never been known as a drinker so that’s probably not an issue. Can I hammer her anyway, please?? Just once. So anyway, for all of you planning to attend the festivities at 1 Oak tonight, get your seat early since Kim’s double wide trailer ass will take about 100 of them once she shows up.

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