Straight Actor Grossed Out By The Thought Of Playing Gay Guys

December 29, 2012 / Posted by:

Actor and columnist Nicholas Brown wrote a piece for The Atlantic about how he auditioned for a role in an AIDS PSA and got skeeved about having to play a homo.

The Atlantic (via Queerty):

I am not gay. I have no shortage of gay friends. My uncle is gay. I’ve marched in a gay pride parade. More than half of the roommates I have lived with are gay. I support marriage equality.

So it comes as a shock to me when I realize that, actually, if I am honest with myself, I’m not comfortable with kissing another man on camera. I really don’t want to book this part.

I don’t want people to think I’m gay. And I’m even more uncomfortable because that isn’t a thought that I want to have.

Oh, the violins. My people thank you.

I, at least, am sorry. You don’t have to believe in a Judeo-Christian god to find something redeeming in confession. I am sorry that I balked at the idea of pretending to be gay. I am sorry that my uncle went home alone all those years. I am sorry for the whole ugly human history of slights and hate crimes and exclusion.

Easy there, Matyr Mike. Can someone collect my eyeballs because they’ve rolled right the fuck out of their sockets. Do you have any idea how quickly I’d move away from this bitch at a party? I’d rather go to a Fred Phelps rally. At least those inbreds are honest about it.

That’s fine that you’re freaked out about being typecast as gay or women thinking you’re a rough rider in real life. Legit fears, I guess. But this is a dumb bitch because everyone in Hollywood is gay, right? Don’t gays run the entertainment industry? THere wouldn’t be one without the cock fans. Nick here just posted the acting hopeful equivalent of telling a prospective employer on a job interview that you have a tendency to openly masturbate in the printer room. You’re going to get stuck doing commercials for Christian Mingle and thats going to be it. Oh, who am I kidding. Everyone’s gay over there, too.

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