Santa Claus is not amused. That Tweet should have cancelled Christmas. Katy Perry brought John Mayer home for the holidays to meet her parents. That’s no gift. I’d rather have rabies in my stocking. He looks like he has hasn’t seen the inside of a shower for five days. She should swap out the whipped cream shooters in her tits for shower gel ones and hose his skank ass down!
The New York Daily News (via People) sez that Mayer really wanted to meet Katy’s parents. No one wants to meet anyone’s parents. That’s some bullshiz. Especially this mealy-mouthed fuckface. Meeting your piece’s parents for the first time is ponderous. You can’t get drunk, you can’t curse, you have to act like you don’t hate everything. For a whole weekend? AND ON CHRISTMAS? Bitch, I am 5 White Russians in by 2 pm on Christmas and ready to leap over the coffee table at my brother during the Yankee Swap to fistfight for a TJ Maxx gift card. Hello, it’s Christmas! No one wants insincere douche under the tree.
“They’re happy together and with her family for the holidays,” a source told the celebrity magazine. “John really likes getting to know Katy’s family better. They’ve spent a lot of time together and really enjoy each other’s company.”
He’s totally the guy who gets shitfaced on Christmas Eve night, stays up after Katy goes to bed, and hits on her Moms. “Mrs. Hudson, I can totally see where Katy got her looks. Yes, I’m very interested in the Bible. Is it ok if I take off my pants and get comfortable while we talk about Jesus? ” Ugh, and he probably brought his guitar. I’d smash an ornament and cut my wrists with the shards.
And what’s with her and the slippery-looking types? That last one. You could wring out his hair to fill the fryolater. Be kinder to yourself, Annoying Rainbow Brite.