Hot Slut Of The Day!

Aka, the former Miss Ukraine and the most graceful wig-wearing angel of the season who is bringing you the Christmas anthem of 2012.

I first heard about this Eastern European gift from Jesus last month when she threatened to sue the BLATANT THIEVES who wrote and produced the song “Call Me Maybe” for stealing some of the lyrics to her song “Hunky Santa.” Carly Rae Jepsen should be spending her Christmas in a Canadian prison cell getting waterboarded with maple syrup while a Nickelback Christmas song (please tell me one doesn’t exist) blares in her ears for screwing with Aka. Yes, aka is short for Also Known As The True Definition Of Talent.

Aka should also sue the writers of “Santa Baby,” because they’re obviously future see-ers who looked into the year 2012, listened to her masterpiece of a holiday song and then stole the entire idea for their song. Aka should also sue Debbie Harry for stealing her face and Linda Hogan for stealing her entire style. And she should sue the makers of wigs made out of shredded Styrofoam for stealing her luscious hairstyle. Basically, Aka should sue the world for copyright infringement, because she’s a one-of-a-kind original flower and we’re all stealing from her.

Merry Christmas, everybody! If you didn’t get a Hunky Santa for Christmas this year, tell your genitals not to frown, because you got something even better: the gift of natural beauty and pure elegance in form of a Ukrainian goddess!