What Is Lindsay Lohan’s Ass Crying About Today?

December 24, 2012 / Posted by:

In “Lindsay Lohan Needs To Switch From Coke To The Good Shit So She Can Calm The Hell Down” news, Lindsay Lohan is farting all over the producers of Scary Movie 5 for lying and tricking her ass. Yes, LiLo tricks hos on a daily basis (cut to the IRS cursing her name after finding out that the $200,000 she sent them to pay for her overdue tax bill is actually counterfeit money printed at Kinko’s) and everything that leaps off of her tongue is a certified lie, but if anybody tricks or lies to her there will be hell to pay. And yes by “hell to pay,” I mean White Oprah is going to break into their house and swallow their medicine cabinet whole after selling their children to a “modeling agency” in Korea.

TMZ says that LiLo is mad at the producers, because in the script, she lets out a horrified scream at a TV showing a scene from Herbie: Fully Loaded. But in the trailer that came out on Friday, LiLo screams at a TV showing her sashaying into the court room after her probation is revoked. LiLo is all mad, because the producers never cleared that joke with her first and she thinks they’re just getting back at her ass, because she trashed her trailer and broke the toilet by caca-ing out the coke balloons she forgot she shoved up her butt during a quickie trip to Mexico a few months before.

So basically, LiLo was about as pleasant as a urethra pimple and the producers got back at her by making a probation joke. You know, I wasn’t planning on seeing Scary Movie 5, but now I am, because it’s my way of slow clapping for the producers who screwed with her. If the California Justice System followed Scary Movie 5’s lead and screwed with LiLo by throwing her in a jail cell full of “gypsies,” 2013 would be the best year ever!

And if they wanted to make that shit extra scary, they’d cut every scene from the movie and just show LiLo screaming at a TV playing the GIF of LiLo screaming. Your nightmares will never be the same again.

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