Justin Bieber’s A Stoned Douchebag, And Back With Selena Gomez
Justin Bieber rolls out of his crib in the morning and takes a bong hit. He decides which thuglife dropcrotch leggings to wear that day while receiving a mouth hug from his waterpipe. He puff, puff passes right before he goes on stage to pass out rodents to screaming tweens who will surely rip the poor thing to shreds just to have something he touched. (Real talk – you know there’s a Belieber living in a Atlanta suburb right now with a decapitated hamster head glue-gunned to the front of her dream journal. Poor lil’ guy.) What I’m trying to say is that Justin Bieber is sssttttooonnnnneeeed. Do you blame him? He’s under pressure! He’s back with Selena Gomez and his screamy fangirl milita ain’t happy ’bout that.
Radar Online posted some pics of mini-Hilary Swank and Mary Kay Letourneau Selena at a Salt Lake City airport being those annoying make-out teens you see in the food court at the mall with the lap-sitting and the touching of noses, and the Aeropostale bags. Take it to mom’s basement, geeks! Anyway, shit got real in the Belieber section of Twitter this past weekend when those crazed infants got wind of this.
A delightful sampling:
@strongforjieber wrote: “Go back to your own friends and family. let justin breath and get your tongue from down his throat @selenagomez.”
@CatchThatBieber posted: ‘Oh wow. that’s obviously how he thanks her for humiliating him in public. do you have a bit of dignity left?”
“Your relationship is faker than joan rivers face @justinbieber @selenagomez”
Why they gotta bring Joan Rivers’ beautiful visage into this? Dicks. The New York Daily News (via Jezebel) sez that Justin will probably have nary a fuck to give about this seeing as he’s a giant douche.
“Justin doesn’t seem to care and does whatever he wants,” a source tell Confidenti@l. One insider says Bieber’s team has had several talks with him, but “he doesn’t listen to anyone.”
Another Bieber insider tells us, “He smokes weed all day, from the time he gets up, and orders everybody around. He’s surrounded by hangers-on who say ‘yes’ to anything he wants. There’s no supervision.”
You mean a celebrity toddler who wears diapers made out of $100 dollar bills and has 30 million followers on Twitter has become an arrogant asshole? Heavens! Water has become fire and I’ve decided to eat pussy. What a world, what a world.