Courtney Stodden Isn't Going Away
Look who's putting the "ho" in ho ho ho and the "mess" in Christmas! Yes, you can all thank me later for burning this exquisite and breathtaking image into your memory banks, and I know you won't hate me more when I point out that from the looks of Courtney Stodden's ass, Santa jizzes Dollar Store spray snow. I know we were all wondering, and you're welcome.
As a special holiday gift for us all, Courtneys mom wraps up some words of wisdom in a garish hot pink box with an oversized silver bow (she can't afford gold), and she doesn't sound at all like a delusional mess who's been downing Adderall and eggnog cocktails with her daughter (yes, she does). In an article on Huffington post, Courtney's mom, who does NOT have it going on, explains to us that her daughter is a timeless beauty, a victim of gorgeousness, and that she's HERE TO STAY. That sound you hear is not a hurricane, it's the collective exhale from every living creature on the planet in the knowledge that we can look forward to Slutty Santa, Easy Easter Bunny, Pussy Popping Patriot and Temptress Turkey for years to come. Yaaaaay.
“Courtney is the new Anna Nicole Smith, without the drugs. Everyone wants to be like Marilyn Monroe, but with Courtney the beauty comes from within -- like Pam Anderson and Farrah Fawcett.”
Me: Marilyn Monroe? Farrah Fawcett?? Jenna Jameson, MAYBE.
“It won't be 15 minutes of fame because it's an evergreen story. Courtney is so intriguing; she’s almost an addiction for people. Her light shines. When she walks into an event, it's incredible, as her mom and manager, to watch the reaction from people. There are so many horrible things we read, but when people meet her in person is so rewarding."
Me: It's kind of hard to ignore a barely legal bitch with her bits hanging out and her toes hanging over the end of her 12-inch lucite heels.
“She’s a victim of her own beauty. We need to understand all kinds of discrimination. It’s very sad.”
There is so much wrong with that last part, and I can't even see right now to comment because my eyes are rolling like a slot machine.
Bauer Griffin
• 
Well, now we know who was the writer responsible for those eloquent Twitter poems.
And perhaps this "mom" is just doing it for the lols? All of that crap could be interpreted as being sarcastic.
“She’s a victim of her own beauty. We need to understand all kinds of discrimination. It’s very sad.”
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LAUGHING!
Submitted by chinlee3 on Tue, 12/25/2012 - 2:26am.
LOL! This is a classic example of marketing at it's finest. Like you said,"what IS her talent"? She took her underage marriage exposure and ran with it like a football player going for a touchdown.
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Courtney, the Christmas Lobster called. He wants his claw back.
Yeah....what's her talent? Lying about her age?
I bet her mom is her sister and they're both 40
minimum.
That's what I've been thinking all along.
That friggin claw is killing me!
Yeah,but WHO IS SHE? and why is she lying there in there in the nude like that with her ass in the air?
is she presenting or perfuming the room?
Does it look like I've given up the meth?
Tevness.
Jacklyn Smith was much prettier than Farrah back in the day, look at old pictures and look at their faces and ignore their hair, it isn't even close.
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Yeah and Kate Jackson was prettier than Farrah too imo.
i'd be mortified if my mother said that stupid shit about me.
Submitted by Migraineuse on Mon, 12/24/2012 - 7:28pm.:
Dina Lohan is definately worse than Mrs. Stodden Sr. Dina has more years of experience pimping out Lindsay and partying with her. She tried to do the same thing with Alli but it's not working b/c Alli is ugly and hairly. I thought anorexia caused hair loss. Stodden Sr. needs another 10 years under her belt to reach the heights of Dina.
Submitted by Migraineuse on Mon, 12/24/2012 - 2:58pm.
Who's worse, Courtney Stodden's mom or Dina Lohan?
Discuss.
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That's like asking "Which smells worse, steamed turds or baked turds?" Turds are turds and should be regarded as such.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Omg! She DOES resemble an iguana!
Ol' lizard lips is back
Hot damn, well done Sweetas!
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"That's an awfully high horse sir, may I pet him?"
Submitted by mike on Mon, 12/24/2012 - 3:41pm.
If you buy Courtney's purported age, then I'd say her mom is worse. If you don't (I do not), then Dina's worse.
In either scenario, Michael Lohan is still beats them both
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Intriguing answer.
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Submitted by Darknight on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 4:27pm.
THE TRUTH. Making the world a better place.
Oh lawdy - mama Stodden's statement = comedy gold! I mean, it *is* just a joke, right?
I'll be honest -- I was worried about my ha-ha-has when I read Michael K. was going on vacation. This is a good one! Thank you, Sweetas.
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Mon, 12/24/2012 - 5:34pm.
Lisbet, Louise & ponchiks -- nothing against that lady, but there's nothing about her that would turn a man into a raving sex fiend, unless he's not getting it anymore from his wife and he's just a nasty bugger.
At least how I'm interpreting this story, this isn't like that dumb whore who got thrown off of a Southwest flight and the girl whose yearbook wouldn't print her photo both for being "too sexy" (looking actual hookers). It's a nasty old pervert who thinks he's irresistible and was infatuated with this woman. Instead of manning up and getting over it, he fired her like she had done something wrong. She could have been 60 years old, 75 pounds overweight with a bad weave, and a limp and he probably would have done the same thing.
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Mon, 12/24/2012 - 5:34pm.
Twatty, have you seen his wife? Next to her this lady is a 12 out of 10. But I don't think that that's the point here, partially also, as someone's beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. Personally to me the man comes across as someone who has realised that he is getting really damn old; instead of having a Porsche at home there's a Nissan, so he just thought, fuck this shit, I'm getting laid. And if she says no, I could always fire her. Or something along those lines. Also, they did work together for 10 years, very closely day in day out, it is entirely possible that after all this time he stopped seeing her as an employee, but more as something a lot more. As to the texts, well, some people ( I am one of those) don't see texts that might be step too far as a big of a deal. Or, as they did know each other for all this time, they may have felt as friends being over sharing. Sometimes colleagues flirt, do silly things, IMO that's just natural after spending this much time together.
What does piss me off is that his pastor was on his side. Shouldn't he have condemned that man's behaviour and had him caned instead?
I didn't know there was DNA in my ass!
Courtney and that mother of hers need to crawl out of the adderall bottle they dwell in and get a f**king clue. The only reason people still pay any mind to your daughter is to see if she's doing porn yet. When you have to pay people to take your pictures chances are you aren't as big a deal as you think you are.
Yeah, the craw. Looks like she's wearing the right-hand glove on the left hand. Must have inherited the brain from Mom's side.
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Mon, 12/24/2012 - 5:34pm.
Lisbet, Louise & ponchiks -- nothing against that lady, but there's nothing about her that would turn a man into a raving sex fiend, unless he's not getting it anymore from his wife and he's just a nasty bugger. The only thing I can fault this woman for is that she returned what I assumed to be inappropriate texts, but then maybe she feared losing her job. His wife sounds like a bitch, too.
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didn't they say she had worked there for 10 years though? I saw the pictures of her, she is pretty good looking for a woman her age who is just a normal person with a normal job. But that's the way it is, I used to have a DILFy coworker and I would have hit that any chance I had (never, obviously he was straight haha) but if a dude that looked like him hit on me in the club I wouldn't have been slightly interested. It is the infatuation of seeing them every day for hours at a time.
"I know you won't hate me more when I point out that from the looks of Courtney Stodden's ass, Santa jizzes Dollar Store spray snow."
Thanks, Sweetas, for clearing that up for me. I just assumed that her b-hole had dandruff.
Am I the only one who sort of always thought Pamela Anderson and Farrah Fawcett were ugly? It's that thing where straight men get blinded by boobs and blond hair and don't see anything else.
Carmen Electra was always far prettier than Pamela Anderson, still a skank, but her face is actually very pretty even now and especially in the 90's.
Jacklyn Smith was much prettier than Farrah back in the day, look at old pictures and look at their faces and ignore their hair, it isn't even close.
And YES I will go there. Liz Taylor and Audrey Hepburn were a million times prettier than Marilyn ever was.
That being said, Courtney's face is just average nothing special at all and if it weren't for her pedophile attention seeking nobody in Hollywood would ever have given her a second look.
Lisbet, Louise & ponchiks -- nothing against that lady, but there's nothing about her that would turn a man into a raving sex fiend, unless he's not getting it anymore from his wife and he's just a nasty bugger. The only thing I can fault this woman for is that she returned what I assumed to be inappropriate texts, but then maybe she feared losing her job. His wife sounds like a bitch, too.
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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
"LEAVE THE COUNTRY BEARS ALLLLLOOONEEEE!!!!"
-- christine the hoff
Hahaha "Santa jizzes dollar store spray snow" OMG I got the image of homely Doug as Santa. Gross but funny. Love your post Sweetas and these comments. LOL Thank God for Dlisted to get me through the holidays. My family is nuts, not this delusional, but still annoying as $*@% Went out for a family brunch at The Cheesecake Factory yesterday, to escape all the baggage (and luggage wtf travels with their entire house!) and things were so bad, I ordered two cosmopolitans before brunch at 11:00 am, the waiter gave me the side eye. I had tried to hold out and just order champagne but the collective griping put me over the edge. Damn they were good. *muses going back to C.F alone on a "last minute shopping trip."*
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Mon, 12/24/2012 - 3:31pm.
Lisbet -- I wonder what that woman really looks like, the one who was fired for being too hot. I bet she's not that hot at all. None of these "too hot" women are that hot after all.
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I read that story last night and found it absolutely ridiculous. The worst part of it for me was where the dentist claimed that if he didn't fire her he would not be able to avoid starting an affair with her. Nowhere and any time did it mention whether the woman would actually be interested in his middle aged ass, never mind what's in between his legs. He just assumed that because he finds her hot, that she would just jump onto that schlong and ride it like there's no tomorrow.
I didn't know there was DNA in my ass!
Submitted by mike on Mon, 12/24/2012 - 4:10pm.
Depending on how bored I get, I just may.
^^^^^^^^^^^^
ohboyohboyohboy
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Dog on Mon, 12/24/2012 - 4:07pm.
Depending on how bored I get, I just may.
Submitted by mike on Mon, 12/24/2012 - 4:03pm.
Submitted by Dog on Mon, 12/24/2012 - 4:01pm.
I don't do online dating. Period.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I realize that. Pretty please?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Anna Nicole Smith was once "Anna Nicole Smith without the drugs" too, ya dumb stupid ass. Courtney will likely go down the same road and not even have the Guess Girl/legitimate model legacy to leave behind.
Submitted by Dog on Mon, 12/24/2012 - 4:01pm.
I don't do online dating. Period.
Submitted by mike on Mon, 12/24/2012 - 3:29pm.
Nothing kills the hot more quickly than being an emotional/psychological mess, folks.
^^^^^^^^^^
As a Christmas present to the Dlisted community, PLEASE write up how you would word your Match.com profile and post it here!!!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Sad? You know what's sad, bitch? Your parenting.
@Twat Muffin and Sans Fards:
Here's a news report which shows a picture of her. Eh.
http://tinyurl.com/cbgdjza
Submitted by Migraineuse on Mon, 12/24/2012 - 2:58pm.
Who's worse, Courtney Stodden's mom or Dina Lohan?
Discuss.
If you buy Courtney's purported age, then I'd say her mom is worse. If you don't (I do not), then Dina's worse.
In either scenario, Michael Lohan is still beats them both.
Twatty- her picture is at Radar. She's not that hot, but she was harassed by her employer (a dentist). He sent her texts that her work clothes were too tight and sexy- they wore scrubs- and that he didn't have enough sex with his wife and this woman was too tempting to have around. The wife also worked in the dentists office and she's the one who insisted the too sexy woman be fired.
I really thought it was going to be another Samantha Brick story ("Women hate me because I'm too sexy!"), but it was the dentist who claimed the whole too sexy thing, not her. It's really shitty and then for the courts to say it's justifiable is even shittier.
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Mon, 12/24/2012 - 3:31pm.
Lisbet -- I wonder what that woman really looks like, the one who was fired for being too hot. I bet she's not that hot at all. None of these "too hot" women are that hot after all.
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I thought the same thing....probably looks like Samantha "Dont Hate Me Cause I'm Beautifuler Than You" Brick.
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Submitted by P.T.Bull on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:33pm.
"This bitch is crazier than a pillowcase full of clear-level scientologist possums."
Lisbet -- I wonder what that woman really looks like, the one who was fired for being too hot. I bet she's not that hot at all. None of these "too hot" women are that hot after all.
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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
"LEAVE THE COUNTRY BEARS ALLLLLOOONEEEE!!!!"
-- christine the hoff
Submitted by Migraineuse on Mon, 12/24/2012 - 2:58pm.
Who's worse, Courtney Stodden's mom or Dina Lohan?
Discuss.
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Dina will always win this fight hands-down. She truly is a wolf in sheep's clothing. On first impressions, most people would probably assign most of the blame for Lindsay's problems to her father, but after extensive research by reading posts on DListed, any smart and informed person would come to the conclusion that Dina is the real cockroach. She has mastered the art of coming across as charming for five minutes, but she is a true monster inside. And Lindsay still can't see it.
Submitted by TexnDoc on Mon, 12/24/2012 - 2:31pm.
You could find pink Christmas trees and aluminum silver ones everywhere tacky was sold once upon a time. Now they're outrageously expensive and collectors items. I want a quality silver one that doesn't look like tin.
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*Glances up at silver aluminum Christmas tree*
(Actually have 2 of them, a 3-ft. and a 6-ft., both original to the era.)
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"Marriage is what you do when you decide one cock is good enough to let the owner annoy you for the rest of your life." - TrashyWilma
I'd love it if someone would say (about anyone), "she's going to be the next Marilyn - without all the emotional problems."
Nothing kills the hot more quickly than being an emotional/psychological mess, folks.
This girl really makes me sad.
Her beauty inspires me.
She’s a victim of her own beauty. We need to understand all kinds of discrimination. It’s very sad.”
Delusions of adequacy
"If Drinks are not involved, then neither am I"
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 12/24/2012 - 2:44pm.
her doll hair will go up in flames!
One can only hope.
Robster craw.
Yes, Dog, Charlie's a bad santa if there ever was one.
Submitted by Who Datt on Mon, 12/24/2012 - 2:41pm.
She's trying for Daryl Hannah in that pic, but she ain't even approaching Darryl Strawberry.
*SNORT*
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No escapin' when I start
Once I'm in, I own your heart.