Lindsay Lohan is as pure as a morning dew drop on a freshly bloomed daffodil’s petal and her lips are as untouched as a newborn kitten’s asshole before it takes its inaugural shit, so of course she wouldn’t want to dirty herself up by kissing on a wart-ridden, sore-covered, filthy bag of sucio. TMZ says that Lindsay Lohan’s scenes with Charlie Sheen for Scary Movie 5 were the most terrifying scenes ever written in the history of scene writing, because the script called for them to touch mouths at least three times. They didn’t touch mouths three times, though. They barely touched mouths at all, because LiLo refused to kiss Charlie. LiLo knows where Charlie’s mouth has been, because her skank mouth has been to some of the same places.
TMZ’s source says that on shooting day, Charlie and LiLo got into bed together and he was down to smear his crack smoke-covered lips all over the rubber slugs on her mouth, but she wouldn’t do it. They both put their signatures on a release saying that they didn’t have cold sores on their mouths, but she still wouldn’t kiss him and nobody knows why. TMZ’s source says that before they even started shooting, LiLo told her friends that she didn’t want to mouth hump on Charlie. Even if Charlie marinated his lips in vodka for 12 hours she wouldn’t want to kiss him. Even if Charlie removed his dentures and put in teeth made of cocaine she wouldn’t want to kiss him. LiLo didn’t want any of that.
They tried to use a body double (aka horny ass White Oprah), but it didn’t really work so most of the kissing crap was cut out.
I know this is like the oozing open sore saying “Don’t get near me, you’re gross!” to the oozing open sore, but you still have to give it to Lindsay Lohan. Bitch was probably snorting kitty litter cut with coke off of Charlie’s crusty taint in his dressing room, but when it came time to kiss him in front of people, she suddenly grew standards. She basically called Charlie a nasty bitch in front of everyone and he still gave her $100,000. Ho is delusional, but you can’t hate her hustle. Besides, Charlie should know that most smart whores never kiss on the mouth. Now if the scene called for LiLo to kiss Charlie’s other lips, it would’ve been a different (and more horrifying) story.