Tony Award-winning actress Scarlett Johansson (Note: If my fingertips had eyes, they would’ve side-eyed me into the next room for typing that.) is back on Broadway playing the role that got Elizabeth Taylor an Oscar nomination when she did it a million years ago. ScarJo has the natural charisma of a sloth on a cold wood roof, but since actresses who haven’t been on the cover of Life & Style don’t sell theater tickets, the producers of the newest Broadway revival of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (or “Cat on a Hot Tin Ruff” if you’re from New England) cast ScarJo as Maggie the Gato. First LiLo in Liz & Dick and now this? Hasn’t Elizabeth Taylor been through enough?
Previews started this week and ScarJo acts opposite Ciarán Hinds, Debra Monk and Benjamin Walker. ScarJo is apparently getting $40,000 a week plus 7.5% of ticket sales if the show is a hit, and that’s really not a lot of money considering that the average ticket price for a Broadway show is two kidneys and the deed to your house.
Of course, I really want to travel to NYC to pay hundreds of dollars to see a rattan lamp outshine ScarJo (figuratively and literally), but I’m not going to. Nothing can top the production of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof I saw at a community theater in Orange County California a thousand years ago. Maggie wore a slip that I swear was from Wet Seal and at one point the actor playing Brick forgot he was supposed to have a broken leg and started walking normal before he realized it and said, “Ohshit!” And during one of Maggie’s 300-minute long monologues, the old bitch in front of me, shouted, “Is she ever going to shut up?”
Unless that grouchy old bitch is seated in the front row during every one of ScarJo’s show, I don’t need to see it.
But seriously, apparently people who saw the first preview are saying she’s good. We might soon live in a world where ScarJo is a two-time Tony Award winner.