Madonna is never the one, but she really wasn’t the one during soundcheck for her show in Santiago, Chile yesterday. It was raining, Madge wasn’t feeling well and some of the audience members watching her soundcheck refused to stop smoking. How can Madge sing with that nasty cigarette smoke wafting up into her throat? And I bet those whores were smoking dried hydrangeas petals.
It’s known that Madge only sounds like cold shit when there’s cigarette smoke around and when there isn’t, she sounds like an angelic nightingale who inherited Karen Carpenter’s crystal clear voice. The bitches in the audience have no respect for Madge’s natural gift and so she slapped the fags out of their mouth with this rant:
“Someone’s smoking right now. No smoking. If you’re gonna smoke cigarettes, I’m not doing a show. You don’t care about me, I don’t care about you. I’m not kidding. I can’t sing if you smoke. Entiendes? If you love me then don’t smoke. No smoking! You’re looking right at me while you’re smoking cigarettes. Like I’m a fucking idiot.”
As Madge stomped away, she made a mental note to one day get revenge on those smoking bitches by fucking all their first borns. You should also make this mental note: If you want Madonna to stop singing, pull out a Marlboro. The more you know.
And I love that she said, “Entiendes?”