Miss Venezuela Was Robbed!
Yes, the Miss Universe pageant is racist toward other planets, but I still watched all 2 hours of it last night, because one of my favorite pastimes is getting drunk while watching beauty pageant queens trip. I counted two beauty queen trips, but surprisingly, that wasn't the highlight of the night. That title goes to Miss Venezuela who killed the shit out of the Q&A part of the competition. Along with Miss USA (the boring winner), Miss Philippines, Miss Australia and Miss Brazil, Irene Sofia Esser Quintero made the top 5 and had to answer a question from one of the judges.
Miss Venezuela's intergalactic Christmas dress should've gotten her extra points and the way she sensually grabbed a question out of the glass bowl should've made the other queens exit stage right. But Miss Venezuela really cinched the title as the queen of my heart when this happened:
Diego Boneta: If you could make a new law, what would it be and explain why.
(The Spanish translator translated the question to Miss Venezuela and then she tried to answer it herself in English.)
Miss Venezuela: I think that any lazar in constitution are all ready made I think that we should have a straight way to go in our similar or our lives for example I'm a SURFER and the best way I can take is the wave I wait for it.... So, please? Do our only law that we can do. THANK YOU, VEGAS!
Bitch speaks English better than I do and her answer was more coherent than any post on Dlisted.
Most of us would probably spit out a tossed salad of words if we were standing in 16-inch glitter-encrusted stilettos on live TV and Andy Cohen was staring us down with his good eye while an alien ant's stomach moaned for food next to us. Not to mention that when Miss Venezuela stared into the audience, she probably saw a steaming orange turd (aka Donald Trump) sexing her up with his eyes. So she did ex-seh-len-tay, considering.
If I was the last gay dude in America, and therefore won Mr. Gay USA by default, and had to compete in the Mr. Gay Universe pageant in Venezuela, I'd end up in the hospital after trying to answer my question in Spanish. Because I'd sound so fucked up that they'd think I was having a seizure and Tourettes attack at the same time.
Here's some pictures of the new Miss Universe and the judges from last night's Miss Universe pageant in Las Vegas. I'm not even going to bother typing the names of the judges, because it's not like you'll recognize them anyway. Well, except for Giggy. He's the only A-lister in that ZZ-list buffet.
• 
Canada Goose Outlet
Canada Goose Jackets
Where to buy Canada Goose
Where to buy Canada Goose Jackets
cheap canada goose
cheap canada goose jackets
Canada Goose Parka
Canada Goose Outlet
Canada Goose Outlet
Custom Beats By Dre
Custom Monster Beats By Dre
Custom Beats
Beats By Dre Online
Beats By Dre
customize Beats By Dre
beats by dr dre
Pure genius and I approve.
............................................
A primer on the world of international beauty pageants (at least, the four most important pageants):
Miss Earth - started in 2001, based in the Philippines, champions environmental awareness
Miss International - started in 1960 in Long Beach after Miss Universe left for Miami, now based in Japan, champions cultural understanding
Miss World - the original international beauty pageant, started in 1951 as part of a post-war cultural celebration in Great Britain, still based in GB (but increasingly maintaining a stronghold in Communist China), champions charity work (raising money for the children under the motto "Beauty with a Purpose")
Miss Universe - started in 1952 in Long Beach after Catalina Swimwear jumped the Miss America ship, based in New York and run by the Donald and NBC Universal, champions HIV/AIDS and breast cancer awareness
These four events are the most important on the international pageant calendar.
MK, you watch beauty pageants drank? Yasss man! But saying Miss twerk it is more coherent than any post on Dlisted, uh, OK! Her shit was excelente but no cigar! ;p
Oh and I would so apply for lord judge if you were competing for Mr. Gay, REST ASSURED! wink wink Get workin' on yo Spanish bitch. *muah*
Trump is da gross.
•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Thu, 12/20/2012 - 8:15pm.
venezuela can't win every year
It's only charitable that they should - I mean, they have a whole cosmetic surgery industry aimed solely at getting their girls into this non-event contest.
And whoever that is in the yellow, in the thumbnails, needs to stay the fuck away from pastel lipstick and thigh slits.
____________________________
I thought that was Laila Ali...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"And it don't matter who you are, if I'm doin my job, its your resolve that breaks..Cause the hook brings you back, I ain't tellin you no lie. The hook brings you back, on that you can rely."
venezuela can't win every year
It's only charitable that they should - I mean, they have a whole cosmetic surgery industry aimed solely at getting their girls into this non-event contest. In that girl's defence, she is far more English-articulate than all the nobodies on the judging panel.
And whoever that is in the yellow, in the thumbnails, needs to stay the fuck away from pastel lipstick and thigh slits.
Miss China's traditional dress was astoundingly beautiful, as was she. But I'm really happy they picked the most interchangeable-looking contestant to win. Couldn't tell her apart from a cardboard cutout USA!USA! etc.
Submitted by ethang on Thu, 12/20/2012 - 4:29pm.
He's a Mexican Actor. He was in that shitfest Rock of Ages, with Tommy Girl. Yes, he is hot.
____________________________________
I didn't see Rock of Anuses(typo and it stays) because Tommygirls acting, like his movies never really interested me. *shrugs*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"And it don't matter who you are, if I'm doin my job, its your resolve that breaks..Cause the hook brings you back, I ain't tellin you no lie. The hook brings you back, on that you can rely."
Say ¿qué? Say ¿qué?!!
Joo go garlfranz!! El loco es no bueno cuz she no know que to say es dee pro-pair way es to speak the worms of Emereekuh. Es by seeing dat she like to look well in her pih-choors. Caliente es de EWW LAH LAH!!!
----------------------------------------------
"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Miss Venezuela is WAY prettier than Miss USA, but WTF why did she try and answer in English she had an interpreter you don't get extra points for speaking English.
Also, am I the only one who always hears Bottega Veneta whenever I somebody says Diego Boneta?
MK, you're right-- I have no idea who most of these people are!?
The wee little man-boy with a huge head in #10 & #11?
The pregnant lady in black (#8) who appears to have forgotten her dentures?
Woman in yellow dress (#17) with the spotted thigh?
Lisa V looks gorgeous - whoever did her face is a genius because she doesn't look like the usual Botox/filler/surgery victim.
What more hideous couple than Gooliana and Cohen?
Miss Venezuela looks like Salma Hayek.
Can I hire her to just accompany me everywhere I go and speak for me?
Submitted by Virgin Queen on Thu, 12/20/2012 - 5:44pm.
Guiliana Rancid's eyebrowns appear to have been applied with a paint roller in Thumb #15.
======================
Not to mention her eye shadow. It's like the little card that comes with an eyeshadow kit showing you how to use all the colors x 100.
Guiliana Rancid's eyebrowns appear to have been applied with a paint roller in Thumb #15.
Miss USA had a hideous dress on. FAIL on pulling down your red velvet curtains (a la Scarlett O'Hara) and making a Santa Claus dress. Terrible hair too. She's very pretty but the look was all wrong.
I was the last gay dude in America, and therefore won Mr. Gay USA by default, and had to compete in the Mr. Gay Universe pageant
***
I think I heard about that last year, Mr. Uranus got f*cked by the judges!
I think Miss USA is stunning. I am not going to lie.
I just can't wrap my brain around the winner's dress. Did it mistakenly go in the washing machine? The color, the sleeve length...friggen odd.
If you're judging on looks alone, Venezuela wins hands down imo. Too bad she blew the interview. USA was too thin. Philippines front tooth was a tad jacked when they did a closeup....Australia & Brazil were both kinda generic looking.
Painful! I think she forgot the word for "law" because she substituted it with the Spanish "ley" and it was just all downhill from there. Ouch.
Who is the gal in the yellow dress with the alien reptilian leg?
I think she may be of the reptilian species that I saw on Jesse Ventura's program on reptilians political figures like George Bush.
I hope they don't come after me now that I singled out one of their breed.
bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
=========
Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
Ms Philippines was robbed!! F you, Donald Trump!
Philippines has been 1st runner up three years in a row. F you, Donald Trump!
_________
We are all made of stars.
Let's see: BU has produced MLK, Jr., Howard Stern, Mike Eruzione, David E. Kelley, and now Miss Universe. One of them needs to eat a sammy.
Wake me with the multitentacled Miss Uranus wins this mess.
Off topic, but I need to know which one of you horz came up with this masterpiece:
http://cheezburger.com/6894087936
***********************************************
I'm dying at Snowpiece's "Alice the Goon" comment.
That answer is cracking me up. So, please. AHAHA. I wish she would have ended with a perfectly executed WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS STAYS IN VEGAS.
And really, this shit is still on?
I didn't even realize that was Fugliana Rancid -- she's wearing more eye makeup lately. Whatever, I still fucking hate her guts and she's a hideously ugly twat. Stupid cunt. And that Diego dude has funny-looking eyebrows. I love Giggy.
=======================================================
"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
CATseyezzzz IKR soooo nastay!
**************************
"OBAMA PLEASE HELP ME I DON'T HAVE A JOB"
"NO SORRY BUT HERE'S SOME WEED AND A VOUCHER TO GET MARRIED TO YOUR UNCLE" THANKS OBAMA
Sucky 12/19
Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Thu, 12/20/2012 - 3:50pm.
I don't know who Diego Boneta is, but he is Hot
_______________________________________
He's a Mexican Actor. He was in that shitfest Rock of Ages, with Tommy Girl. Yes, he is hot.
Donald Trump is SO FUCKING GROSS.
I would rather lick a bull's ass than kiss him.
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
Honestly, I felt bad for her. She clearly didn't speak English that well. She had the interpreter there to translate the question TO her but then she chose to answer on her own in English. Bad decision, it's hard to articulate something in a language you're pretty bad at--lack of vocabulary, difficulty with sentence structure, etc. I think she and her team thought she could pull it off, she couldn't. She should have done what Miss Brazil did: have the interpreter there to give the question as well as translate her answer. Anyway, if not for this segment she might have been really close to winning given that despite this snafu she still got 2nd runner up (ahead of Miss Brazil and Miss Australia).
Cat >^,,^<
WTF?!?!??! Koalaswim???? seriously? who any half way normal person wear that? What fresh-out-of-prison moron would design something like that?! I can't even unsee that!
woohoo Miss USA! homegirl's gorgeous. I do think they should give the award to the most wacked-out answer, though ;)
_______________________________________________
Submitted by P.T.Bull on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:33pm.
"This bitch is crazier than a pillowcase full of clear-level scientologist possums."
In thumb 6, Miss Universe's tongue looks very dark. Red wine? Squid ink?
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Is it written in all BRAVO Contracts that you must show up to these shitfests?
Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 12/20/2012 - 4:08pm.
I bet after last night Trump taught her some new things to regret in life
Hahahaha snowy!!! *huah, huah*
Rotfl mk! I thought some of the evening gowns looked like glittery swim suit cover ups.
******************
"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
I thoroughly enjoyed this. It is one show where it felt like EVERYONE (except the contestants) was in on the joke...including the announcer having to read out the absurd descriptors and fun facts the contestants give themselves. She kisses her shoulders when she's nervous! She owns a large teddy bear collection! She has ridden a motorcycle!
Andy Cohen was perfect for this and looked like he was ready to lose it at any second. Even the motley crew of weirdos making up the distinguished panel of judges seemed to get it. Trump, not so much.
and why the hell do I have to front that my dog is a working dog to get her in places and Giggy just shows up....so not fair, I bought the working dog jacket with badges and everything and even when she would rather lick her ass than pretend to be helping me I still can't take her into such places like Casinos and restaurants....who can I complain to about these things!!!
when they asked Miss USA her question: what she most regretted in life: she said teasing her siblings!
I bet after last night Trump taught her some new things to regret in life
**************************
"OBAMA PLEASE HELP ME I DON'T HAVE A JOB"
"NO SORRY BUT HERE'S SOME WEED AND A VOUCHER TO GET MARRIED TO YOUR UNCLE" THANKS OBAMA
Sucky 12/19
Hahaha @ thumbs #5 and #6. You can almost hear him hissing "it's in your contract, let my lips touch you!" EEEEEEEEEEEEEW.
And I see The Leg has beefed up a bit and looks less like The Broken Chopstick (#17).
LOL...nastay!
******************
"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
WTF was Scott Dickshit doing there as a judge did his mother in law suck the Donald off to get him that gig?
I have a feeling her answer would be just as stupid if she answered in Spanish. But damn that woman is gorgeous.
What is the American wearing? Is the top crushed velvet? In 2012?
There should always be a disclaimer before a picture of Giuliana Rancic (sp?). She's so .... scary-looking.
I watched it by FAR Russia, South Africa, France, HUngary,Peru, Australia, were a billion times more beautiful and sexay than that little Miss U.S.A., and Donald Trump looked especially constipated last night...you know this is his way of being anti-everything, let the American girl win, fuck Obama, and are you from Kenya?? But Ms. Philliphines was not only very eloquent, but far prettier, and Brazil, WTF?? She was a billion times more beautiful, but the Venezualan answer had me seriously scratching my head....that was funny and weird, but hells bells she was a serious knockout too!!
I did't understand what she said I only heard surfing and waves but her dress was amazing and she is beautiful. Philippines had the best answer.
oh shit Louise, you are right, Kerry Shrug or whatever, she looks awful! LLOLOLOL
**************************
"OBAMA PLEASE HELP ME I DON'T HAVE A JOB"
"NO SORRY BUT HERE'S SOME WEED AND A VOUCHER TO GET MARRIED TO YOUR UNCLE" THANKS OBAMA
Sucky 12/19
What she said was more intelligent than anything Nick Teplitz said in the National Costume Parade. First he calls Shanna Moekler a legend and then says things like "okie dokie" to really great work. He would be hilarious on Toddlers and Tiaras, but not on Miss Unibrowverse.
Snowy- I think that's the olympic volleyball lady?