Blake Lively is the daughter Martha Stewart never had (Note: That one who told us that she pisses with the door open doesn’t count.) and so, of course, the details of her wedding with Ryan Reynolds in Charleston, SC are in the Winter issue of Martha Stewart Weddins’. Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are extremely private non-famewhores and they’d never sell pictures of their intimate moments together, so the only picture of them in the magazine is the Instragrammy one of them holding hands. Shit looks like a newspaper ad for Kay Jewelers.
Blake and Ryan didn’t want any pictures of their asses published (because she’s saving those for when she needs to pass them out on the ho stroll to extend her relevancy), so the magazine just has pictures of their flowers, decorations and delicious food stuff. Martha and her team of glue gun-holding, frosting bag-wielding slaves created a wedding that looked like a snowballing session between Etsy and Pinterest.
What I’m getting from this is that up-close pictures of S’mores bars and lemon tarts are way more interesting than pictures of Ryan and Blake’s married faces. Seems about right!