For the second time in four years, President Obama was declared the Person of the Year by Time Magazine. 4Chan tried hard to get Kim Jong-un the title and he did win the reader’s poll thanks to them, but I guess Sasha and Malia stuffed the ballots faster than 4Chan ever could, because Obama’s got this. George W. Bush is the only other person who got the title twice. Obama didn’t get Person of the Year, because we found out that he’s Spider-Man’s true arch rival. Time gave it to Obama, because he’s forging something and turning something into something. I don’t know! I don’t speak smart people talk. If you do (then you shouldn’t be reading this cell-burning blog), here’s how Time explained their decision:
At the end of Invisible Man, Ralph Ellison’s great 1952 novel about racial injustice, the central character says, “America is woven of many strands; I would recognize them and let it so remain … Our fate is to become one, and yet many — This is not prophecy, but description.” Just 12 years ago, Obama was so invisible that he attended the 2000 Democratic National Convention in L.A. and watched it on the Jumbotron in the Staples Center parking lot. Today he is universally visible — and known. But he would agree with Ellison’s observation that this change is indeed description and not prophecy. The new America is not so much the old e pluribus unum — out of many, one — but, as Ellison says, one and yet many. That is Obama’s America. For finding and forging a new majority, for turning weakness into opportunity and for seeking, amid great adversity, to create a more perfect union, Barack Obama is TIME’s 2012 Person of the Year.
I approve of Time’s decision and mainly because it’s going to make Victoria Jackson’s head spin off of her neck and roll into the Florida swamp. That being said, if I chose Time’s Person of the Year, their cover would look like this: