Hold On To Your Beards, Tom Cruise Is Looking For A Girlfriend
In Tommy Girl's home gym, he has a life-size stone statue of Alexander Skarsgard that he climbs up almost every day. Tiny Tommy never makes it to the top, but he prefers the view from the bottom anyway. So because Tommy has a Mt. ASkars replica in his gym, it's only natural that his next beard wife come from Sweden. The Sun has pictures of Tommy having a gay ole' time with Malin Akerman's model type sister Jennifer. Malin and Tommy did Rock of Ages together, so I'm sure Jennifer knows that if she wants to land the lucrative role of his fourth fake wife, she needs to fake laugh when he throws shade at Xenu and only eat gay-free ice cream around him.
A source says that at the after-party in Stockholm for Tommy's new movie Jack Reach-around, he and Jennifer had drinks, laughs and got close. The source went on to say, “Even though Tom was working the room, once they got chatting they were locked in. They seemed very natural in each other’s company for most of the night and at the afterparty at the Rose club. Then all of a sudden they were gone..." Tommy's rep tells Gossip Cop that Jennifer Akerman isn't in the running to become Tommy's Next Top Beard.
That rep can stop yanking my taint skin. When Tommy shares a drink with a woman, it usually leads to him taking her to his office at the Scientology Center, which usually leads to the lawyers walking in, which usually leads to the new beard signing her name in blood on a 453-page confidentiality agreement and contract stating that she'll gladly get a lobotomy with a Chatty Cathy doll. You will all believe me when Jennifer's being interviewed by some reporter and the only thing she says is, "Tell me a story."
And here's Tommy and Jimmy Fallon having a water fight last night. This match-up seems unfair since Tommy is a veteran when it comes to getting splashed in the face.
Sometimes NBC is prejudiced against non-US IPs, so if you can't see the video above of Tommy and Jimmy Heather Mills-ing each other with water, just watch the video below. It's practically the same thing.
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gross, how old is that child?
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"OBAMA PLEASE HELP ME I DON'T HAVE A JOB"
"NO SORRY BUT HERE'S SOME WEED AND A VOUCHER TO GET MARRIED TO YOUR UNCLE" THANKS OBAMA
Sucky 12/19
I will wonder will the truth about Tom Cruise ever come out. None of his ex wives are talking.
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He needs an intervention to get the heck out of dodge! Not another lady to exploit.
Pfft...just have him implode with Kim Kardassian. She can sit on him and smother him, then the Scieno's will make her disappear along with the rest of the loooneytoon family. It would be brilliant.
* 100% hotness verified by WHAMO. :P *
www.poopreport.com :)
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The sad fact is he is picking films that have box office draw like the last MI did and most people will accept him back despite his weirdnesses.
Tommy girl standing on a box to take a picture his whole life...... HAHAHAHAHA!
www.midwestcemetery.weebly.com/
I think he should stop assaulting us with these Ultra He-man roles...he's a short dork and he's trying WAYYYYYYY to hard. It's a case of the "lady" doth protest too much.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
And there will be no shortage of applicants for this beard position either, blech. They never learn.
LOL MK, that Jizzinator vid is disgusting! Shoot.'em.up.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 12/19/2012 - 5:24pm.
Submitted by Deb on Wed, 12/19/2012 - 4:52pm.
Not for nothing, but what's the concept for Tommy hanging from a rope and offering a cup of tea?
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I think it's so you don't look a Tom and say "hey nice for trying to wear a shirt that hides the fact you're a stubby little fat fucker underneath it."
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Whamo, I find it simply incredible that all the mighty powers of Xenu couldn't make THAT work!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
GG, it was in.... And it's a wonderful word!
Submitted by johnnysgirl on Wed, 12/19/2012 - 5:35pm
"Poor Katie. She thought she was falling in love with her teen idol - what a rude awakening. To suddenly realize that the leading man persona is completely contrived and that his really an awkward, insecure, dorky, socially inept, mindless, gullible drone. Eeeep."
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Katie Holmes is a big disappointment. she was supposed to bring down scientology
Submitted by miz cynical on Wed, 12/19/2012 - 5:33pm.
Whamo - I told you yesterday that I just KNEW there would be Jack Reacharound jokes for his new movie :) !
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LOL, yes you did, good call.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 12/19/2012 - 6:06pm.
Well she is a serious actress because she is posing in a bra.
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lmao
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...the end
Well she is a serious actress because she is posing in a bra.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
What is Eeeep? I am lost.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
I am sure Suri would do great w/ another sister or brother........eye rolll
Submitted by johnnysgirl on Wed, 12/19/2012 - 5:35p
ITA. It's like somebody should smack Tommy out of himself.
I'm sure Katie suffered. I know what that feels like too.
Edited to add - Eeep indeed!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
“Even though Tom was working the room, once they got chatting they were locked in...Then all of a sudden they were gone..."
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*puts on thigh high boots*...
Tom "working" the room... and trying to imply that they left together? What a joke!
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...the end
Submitted by Deb on Wed, 12/19/2012 - 5:22pm.
Look! Either you're IN, or you're OUT! Either you KNOW or you DON'T!
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SNORK
My favorite part is when he says "I don't mince words with that...or with anything" and then goes on to spew a big ol bowl of minced word salad. And then finally even words fail him and he starts making weird noises. WTF hahahaha
He's just such an awkward, trying-too-hard weirdo who made a good pawn for CO$ because it fulfills his desperate need to belong/fit in.
Poor Katie. She thought she was falling in love with her teen idol - what a rude awakening. To suddenly realize that the leading man persona is completely contrived and that his really an awkward, insecure, dorky, socially inept, mindless, gullible drone. Eeeep.
Ugh, I've had that feeling before - when the fuck-chemicals/beer-goggles/whatever wear off, and you realize you've been having sex with someone other than the idea you had in your mind - and you look at them in the cold light of reality and realize that you don't even respect them, and they are gross...uuuugghhhhhhhhh. It's awful.
Poor Katie - she did all that but on a grand scale. That's gotta hurt.
I like Malin Akerman, her sis needs to run for her life! I didn't watch the clip, but is anyone buying Tom Cruise as a likable, heart throb anymore? I thought everyone knew that there's crazy lurking in his head?
Whamo - I told you yesterday that I just KNEW there would be Jack Reacharound jokes for his new movie :) !
What you don't see is Tommy standing just off camera NOT using a super soaker for his takes.
Submitted by Deb on Wed, 12/19/2012 - 4:52pm.
Not for nothing, but what's the concept for Tommy hanging from a rope and offering a cup of tea?
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I think it's so you don't look a Tom and say "hey nice for trying to wear a shirt that hides the fact you're a stubby little fat fucker underneath it."
Submitted by johnnysgirl on Wed, 12/19/2012 - 5:18pm.
Well, they ARE the authority on Improving Conditions. Like, whoah.
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Look! Either you're IN, or you're OUT! Either you KNOW or you DON'T!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
They seemed very natural in each other’s company
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It is impossible for Tommy to be natural with anyone at all but his bum buddy David Miscavige when they play the game "What did we do with Shelly Miscavige?"
http://www.businessinsider.com/scientology-leader-david-miscaviges-wife-...
ANY woman that get's hooked up with Tom is as INSANE as he is. I still don't think Katie Holmes is free clear and out of danger. IMO these fuckers play for keeps and something will eventually happen to Katie and Tom's little band of merry men will have their hands all over it.
Submitted by Deb on Wed, 12/19/2012 - 5:11pm.
My favorite part is when Tommy says (paraphrasing), "When there's a car accident, WE'RE the only ones who know what to do!".
Like, "Go away, paramedics! The Scientologists got this!"
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Well, they ARE the authority on Improving Conditions. Like, whoah.
There needs to be a "girl, you in danger" tag directed at malin's model type sister..
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
I want that cannon. There are so many people at the door I want to greet with it.
"SPLISH SPLASH, MUTHAFUCKER!"
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by johnnysgirl on Wed, 12/19/2012 - 4:58pm.
That video is chilling and funny all at once.
My favorite part is when Tommy says (paraphrasing), "When there's a car accident, WE'RE the only ones who know what to do!".
Like, "Go away, paramedics! The Scientologists got this!"
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
I want that super-soaker.
The co$ interview... Oh man is that painful.
That clip is cute and made me dislike them both slightly less.
Submitted by babybunny on Wed, 12/19/2012 - 4:55pm.
Do you know how I could get one of those cards? They'd be a funny joke. xD
Man, it is just PAINFUL to watch this man do anything unscripted.
And just for shits n giggles, here's that CO$ interview he did:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFBZ_uAbxS0
KOO KOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Gotcha, anno! LOl!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by christine the hoff on Wed, 12/19/2012 - 4:44pm.
I agree, whoever you are,RUN! Have you seen Katie lately? poor beat bitch! it's not easy being a midget beard, you really gotta get down LOW.
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LOL, CTH! All that slouching and bending will wear you out!
I always feel bad for Kelly McGillis in "Top Gun". You could make a drinking game (if you drank) where you'd have to have a shot every time she slouched, was reclining, or leaning to make him look tall.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
true story someone I know got a Scientology Center christmas card, extremely creepy card talking about love, and different love for different things...and at the bottom it says love angels, demons....wtf??? when I got to the part about loving demons I tossed the card..what "religon" would put that on a Christmas card. Super sick fucks.
Submitted by Deb on Wed, 12/19/2012 - 4:52pm.
Not for nothing, but what's the concept for Tommy hanging from a rope and offering a cup of tea?
Is that supposed to be badass? Sensitive? What?
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The rope is code for "I like to stroke and choke". No idea about the tea ;-)
Omg. What a hilarious post. Cruise actually had to pump that huge water gun in the end. Priceless.
How many times was little Micky Rooney married? Eight? And he's straight. Tommy's half way there and marriage is a tougher road. For the bride.
Not for nothing, but what's the concept for Tommy hanging from a rope and offering a cup of tea?
Is that supposed to be badass? Sensitive? What?
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Well if she's that stupid, she can kiss her looks and sanity goodbye.
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Submitted by P.T.Bull on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:33pm.
"This bitch is crazier than a pillowcase full of clear-level scientologist possums."
Jesus. Why doesn't he just come out of the closet already.
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"Brows should not look like a condiment!" -MK
Mr. Can't Be Alone for Five Minutes Because I'm a Shell of a Person and Need Someone Else to Boss to Feel Real.
Uh-huh.
I agree, whoever you are,RUN! Have you seen Katie lately? poor beat bitch! it's not easy being a midget beard, you really gotta get down LOW.
Don't forget "Must Love Threesomes with David Miscavige".
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Not enough money in the world.
LOL at "stop yanking my taint skin". Oh man.
Some hooker is gonna get that gig...
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 12/19/2012 - 4:21pm.
Will the ad say "Must love flats".
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