Last night, everybody in Canada tied weights to their baby’s feet and the only authority on kidnapping we care about, Antoine Dodson, started screaming out for Canadians to HIDE YO BABIES after a video of a Golden Eagle snatching up a tiny human in a park in Montreal spread everywhere. Freaked out bitches started asking, “Are the eagles our overlords now? Is PedoBear training eagles to do his dirty work? Why doesn’t Mordor show up on Apple Maps, because I need to know how to get there if eagles are mistaking babies for Hobbits now? How do I know if eagles think my baby looks delicious?” Well, people in Montreal don’t have to tie their babies to benches when they go to the park, because that video is most likely a lie.
Alex Hern of the NewStatesmen, Gawker and others have pointed out that when you enhance the video, you can see a few of the CGI fuck-ups. The eagle’s shadow disappears for a second, its wing also disappears and when the eagle drops the baby, it looks like the baby is floating up instead of falling. Yes, that baby could be a wizard baby, but probably not. Bird expert Ken Kaufman also said on Facebook that Golden Eagles don’t really hang out in Montreal:
Hello Everyone, There is a video making the rounds on YouTube and social media right now that seemingly shows a “Golden Eagle” swooping down to try and snatch a toddler. We want you to know that the video is a fake. This kind of publicity does so much damage to birds and we hope that if you see the video posted that you will inform people that it is not real. Here’s what Kenn Kaufman had to say about the video:
“A golden eagle tries to snatch a baby in Montreal,” and the video goes viral. But it’s faked. Golden Eagle is a scarce visitor in the Montreal area, but the bird in the video is not a Golden Eagle, nor anything else that occurs in the wild in North America. This was clearly a setup: using a falconer’s bird, and probably a fake toddler for the distant scene. With all the ignorance about nature that’s out there already, the last thing we need is this kind of stupid garbage.
Others also say that if it was real, that baby would’ve gotten shanked the hell up by the eagle’s talons.
I still want to believe. I still want to believe! Not because I want eagles to snatch up babies and raise them into eagle people. I want it to be real, because maybe we can reason with the Golden Eagles and ask them to stop snatching up babies and start snatching up Kardashians instead. They’re going to need to work in teams of 100, though.
Here’s the video proving that it’s most likely fake: